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physicsprofmom
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18 Jul 2012, 12:20 am

I need some advice. My son will be a senior this year and he has been going out with the same girl for a year. She is the only person he has dated. I'm getting frustrated because the relationship is becoming more toxic. She yells at him and sends him cruel text messages filled with profanity. I want the relationship to end and have tried several times to break it up. Currently, they aren't allowed to see each other out of school. I just refuse to pay for the privilege of him dating such a nasty, verbally abusive person. First, I don't understand why he started dating her. We don't talk to each other like that in our home. Second, I don't understand why he can't ditch her. Why is he putting up with her treating him badly? It really worries me about his marriage future. When we discuss breaking up, he gets frantic and his hands start trembling. Suggestions?



again_with_this
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18 Jul 2012, 6:11 am

Let him keep the girlfriend until he's done with high school.

Actually, it'll probably break apart before then.

But for his senior year, let him have a girl.



SilkySifaka
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18 Jul 2012, 7:57 am

You can't force your son to break up with someone, however horrible that person is. If he doesn't want to break up with her, there is little you can do except support him and be there for him when this relationship inevitably fails. Hopefully he will learn from this experience and choose better next time.



_DyL_
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19 Jul 2012, 4:08 pm

What you've said about their relationship is very vague though I still believe that is by far the first matter at hand; Does he really need to end it, is there relationship really that bad? Don't take it the wrong way, I'm not saying your opinion of it is wrong, it's just mothers can sometimes be over protective and worry that their son is going to get hurt or taken adventage of. :roll:

Could you possibly inclue more details on how exactly she treats him and some of the messages she sends him?
It could well be something you can instead help your son sort this out with her, resulting in them having a much healthier relationship.
However, you could be right though; It could well be a very unhealthy relationship with no real chance of it working. However if this is the case, I would still not believe forcing your son to end it with her would be the best thing. This may well mean he gets hurt by her, though he will learn from it. At his age it's the best way of learning such things.

Cutting him off from seeing her outside of school hours could be making the situation alot worse. This could be part of the reason why she sends him these cruel txt messages. Once again though, I could be wrong; I'm only going by the vague infomation you've included in your post.
Depending on how cruel these messages are and how bad she actually treats him, I would reccomend letting him see her outside of school.
When there's costs involved though, he asks her if she is able to pay for herself. Ontop of this, (not overly related to the relationship, still a good tip though) make him earn the money to pay for himself by helping around the house and doing other duties (homework, etc, etc).



alecazam3567
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20 Jul 2012, 11:12 am

Well, I can understand why this is tough for you to see, and it's probably frustrating for both of you.

Since she is his first girlfriend, he may grow especially attached. I would say to just wait until it ends naturally for them. It would help your son learn to find someone better in the future, rather than protecting him from girls like this. He'll learn to avoid these types people by himself in the future.

Another reason I would say to wait for it to come to an end is that, we tend to be very stubborn when it comes to dating. You may tell us that the person we are with is no good for us, or that we should end it, but usually, we are too stubborn to pay any mind to it. We often think that our girlfriend is the only one for us. This happened with me, too. My first girlfriend ignored me and never wanted to see me, but I still loved her more than anyone else, though she would never hang out with me. In fact, she didn't really want to date me in the first place, she just wanted me to feel good about myself. After she broke up with me, I realized that she wasn't that great and I was left wondering why I wanted to be with her so badly anyway. :?

Anyway, the point is to just let him realize that she isn't that great on his own. It may not seem like it, but it will happen eventually. Hope I was any help! :D



thedaywalker
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20 Jul 2012, 5:53 pm

Probably because he likes her more then you ^^