Fear of growing up and becoming 'self-sufficient'

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Hello people,

I just wanted to create this topic to find out if anyone feels the way I do about growing up and becoming 'self-sufficient'. Basically, I'm in my mid teens I am genuinely scared of growing up and my life rapidly changing; moving out of my house, paying bills, getting a job etc, getting married and starting a family etc. Everyday I can't help but think of this, and these thoughts affect my life and very much so; last Friday, I got so stressed just because I had to take a train by myself, to the new Sixth Form college that I'm due to start at in September. I just don't think I'd be able to cope, independently, yet I want the independence...:'(

Please feel free to reply to this topic, as it would really help to hear your views and experiences of this.

Thank you.

I'm somewhat scared of growing up as well, as I don't know if I will be able to keep up with everything. However, if I do small things independently, like walk to the library, buy groceries on my own and whatnot, I generally enjoy it.

I find the idea of living alone and (mostly) controlling every visit I have, as well as being able to go anywhere if I feel like it. I am more scared about further education, or getting a job because I don't know if I'm going to be any good at it or not, but I'm trying to both think ahead and ignore the future at the same time.

The fact that you're an adolescent and thinking about the future is good! That is what I did (THANK GOD).
I'm far from being a teen now (44) but I set the ground work for a successful life when I was 13-21.
I can give you the advice I wish someone could have back then
I was afraid like you but I really didn't have a choice but to face living alone because my parents were a-holes and definitely not role models (they are now coincidentally).

I thought about my future and took a really hard look at myself in order to decide just what I wanted to do for a career. I didn't know I had Aspergers/ADHD back then but I was already creating work-arounds to deal with it like making lists and having things where I would see them before leaving the house.
I initially decided I wanted to be a Computer Programmer because learning it was easy to me. I immersed myself in it (you have WAY more available to you now than I did back then) and took classes in high school and read books to teach myself. I'd get done way faster than the other kids so they'd put me to work on more interesting projects just to keep me from wreaking havoc on the rest of the class. Soon I had a job working for the school writing programs for them. During that same time I immersed my self in the emerging technologies (like Linux) and every time an opportunity came to learn a new technology I volunteered to be the person to master it. That is why despite just barely finishing an associate degree (well I do have 140+ credit hours there but very little related to what I do) I'm a Senior Database Administrator.
I made the decision to be in this job 13 years ago and shortly after moved from web programmer to database programmer... my path to get here: Computer Programmer (several jobs/different languages)-> Database Programmer -> Database Administrator -> Senior Database Administrator.
Now I'm trying to decide what to do next since I'm topped out in my grade (can't make any more money here).

Anyway back to the point. You're afraid of it because there are so many unknowns involved.
My advice...
Fear
I was surprised to learn that everyone is afraid on some level of new things. When I realized that my fear was going to make or break me I made a decision to face it head on. Something interesting happened... fears that I planned to face and conquered went away! That got me doing the things I had to do... later I took it to another level when I joined Toastmasters ( you can join when you turn 18 ). I didn't want my fear to rule me so I started saying yes to anything anyone asked me to do. I've done so many things I thought was impossible that I no longer know "what I can't do"
That said one constant is always involved.. I make a plan to tackle the fear and do it on purpose so it's never a surprise; for some reason that helps a lot.

Choosing your career
Start making some decisions and start working on your future. If your focuses aren't focused on things that will benefit you in the long run (aka your career) then you could be one of those sad Aspies that can tell you everything there is to know about sharks but can't make a living. I don't know what your 'thing' is but try to develop focuses that both interest you AND are valued by society with a foot in reality. If you want to stay happy it has to satisfy both (you have to like it and it has to make decent money). In general that means you're not going to take the easy path (quick/everyone is doing it) because those careers/jobs get saturated with people and the wages drop. Don't aim for the lowest rung of a career or you'll be stuck in a bad situation.
For example
A medical assistant doesn't make a lot of money but a registered nurse does.
A physical therapy assistant doesn't make a lot of money but a physical therapist does.
An electronics technician doesn't make nearly what an electronic engineer makes.
You get the idea - AIM as high as possible.

Be honest with yourself though... the reason I didn't choose 'management' as my end point is that I knew that I wasn't that great with dealing with people's BS. When I thought about it I realized that the jobs that pay the most money have the most responsibility. For me with my skills/abilities Database Administrator fit the best because it is a high knowledge job (not everyone can climb the learning curve), it has a lot of responsibility, doesn't require a ton of people interaction, isn't subject to the volatility of projects like programming is (many programmers needed to make system but a much smaller group needed to maintain it), and most importantly.. it pays well.

I hope you get the mindset I had.. that's more important than what I actually did. The key point is don't wait for college to figure out what you like - figure it out now. Think about what kind of career you'd like to do now instead of waiting until you're talking to a college recruiter. Look on sites like salary.com to see how much certain jobs actually pay and get an understanding of how much things cost. Taking as many unknowns out of the equation and working on the things you can now will help you tackle that fear and set the stage for a good life.

As far as relationships.. try to get some social skills so you know 'the rules' but be yourself. You want someone that will accept you for who you are not because they like the facade you put on.

Hope some of that was helpful to at least one of you.

I'm moving away to college next year and I'm terrified that I won't be able to make it on my own and I'll end up moving back home. I can't even write checks by myself, let alone drive, hold a job, go to school, and form relationships, etc etc.

I feel screwed.

So I know how you feel (hugs)

Honestly, yeah, it is a bit intimidating, but if you're gonna try to act like a man or woman, you gotta at least take care of yourself.

Oddly enough for me, I had lots of drive to be self sufficient, just not the social understanding to actually be self sufficient. Then again, I wasn't diagnosed until after high school, and didn't care about my diagnosis until 20 years old. And I'm basically outgoing but awkward, so I never really suffer from *constant* social anxiety, but I just go through phases back and forth or depending on the thing.

Anyway, at least here in the States, the drive to be "self sufficient" is rapidly disappearing. Lots more people stay home with their parents now, less people attend 4 year colleges straight away, more go to community college, etc. So I'm saying you're less rushed now. I'd say overall, don't rush things to be out of the parents house. I know lots of people, they moved out, most with some college, and they were out on their own for a number of years, and then moved back with their parents at, say, 28 years old after basically screwing it up on their own. I know you're worried about "stagnating" at home, and that's fair, but if it's possible, it'd be much better to get everything you need situated while you're living home for free, then move out when you're actually ready.

EDIT:
As far as driving goes, I'd not worry. I mean, in Britain, driving is expensive as all hell unless you got some tiny diesel Golf or something anyway. That said, I prefer driving to go places, as it's "self sufficient" in that nobody schedules it for you. You can drive wherever anytime of the day. One thing Britain seems a lot more tolerant about is motor scooters or motorbikes. I'd go for a motor scooter or motorbike, just so you have the ability to get places without public transport if the need arises.

As far as anxiety and whatnot, about doing stuff, here's how I look at it. Everyone can do everything through trying hard enough and compulsion. Just at what emotional cost? Prisoners, for example, people ask "How do people get through prison?" Well, what other choice do they got? Same with being in the Army. In both those situations you'll do things you don't wish to do, and see things you probably wouldn't want to see, but people get through it, simply because they have to. There's no place to run. Humans are quite adaptable creatures. Just the problem is, after prison or the Army, people can develop emotional problems from just constantly having to ignore how they felt during that time, so there's the tradeoff. You can certainly just force yourself to do quite literally anything, and really all that's stopping you is your emotions. So the best thing to do is find a balance, in my case, I ignored my emotions so much (well, other people did too) and I just eventually crashed. But, the opposite extreme is just as bad, as you never accomplish anything because you're always giving into your initial fears or anxieties. So find a balance.

The other thing too is, trying new things, try to try as many new things as possible, but in a way that basically, screwing up in them won't hurt other areas of your life, or affect it much. IE, if you wanna, I know you're a girl and probably have zero interest in this, but let's say you wanna work on cars. You don't like, go practice on a brand new car, you practice on some old clunker. That way there if you screw up, you're not out much. Get what I'm saying?

i think that its better to be self-sufficient
it will pull off in the long run.

I also have a fear I wont be able to be independent. Independent woman are so great! I want to be like that. Specifically I am scared I won't be able to pay for myself, my college bills, and my medication. Never mind that I want be able to eventually have an expensive lifestyle (I mean like kids plus a lot of pets, plus an expensive Eco friendly house etc etc).

But the truth is that a TON of girls feel this way. I think for NT it's mostly that they feel this intense pressure to be perfect, and they dread a future of growing possible failure.

But you got your parents, and the Social Security Administration can help if you have any sort of mental disability. And scholarships.
And you know who lives by themselves right after school? Hardly anyone! If your going to college you have at least four years you can adjust to living increasingly by yourself (even if roommates can be a huge pain in the patooty). Seniors in High School often feel an overwhelming urg to get out of their parents house as soon as possible.

Going to places with friends on the bus or bike will help you feel more independent (and free!) so eventually you can do stuff like getting on a train yourself without freaking out.

This is how I'm getting used to traveling by myself, I hope it works for you too!