How do you cope when you are upset?

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Hello - question for young people on this forum.

I am a dad, and my son is almost 10 years, and he has Autism and is high functioning, and attends public school.

He gets very upset when he does not get what he wants, and screams and uses bad words, and will try to hit me.

I am sure there are good ways to cope, but I need your advice, and your experiences.

If you are willing to share, please tell me what you do, as a young person, to help you cope when you are upset?

What helps you stay calm, and feel better?

I want to share this with my son to help him.

Thank you for your help!

as an overgrown adolescent/child, I can tell you that what works best for me is distraction. repeated distraction.

I don't know if my own experiences will be helpful to you.

The best way to describe myself when I'm angry is that I am a walking bomb ready to explode at any second. I will lash out if I am provoked enough. If I am angry enough, I will have a meltdown where I have lost complete control over myself and my emotions. My emotions will take over and control my actions and thoughts. I will hit and slap myself, bite myself, bang my head against the wall or the floor. I have scars and bruises from times where meltdowns have occurred. I am also known to throw or destroy objects. I always feel deep shame over my lack of control and guilt if I have destroyed or damaged anything during the meltdown. However, I will only have meltdowns if my routine is broken (routine makes me feel as if I have order and control, and gives me comfort), I have sensory overload (extremely loud and painful sounds, being touched, bright lights) or if I am provoked badly. It usually takes a lot to provoke me into a meltdown. At least a good few months of teasing, taunting and goading. I haven't had a meltdown where I was provoked for two or three years now.

My grandma is the only person who can calm me when I'm angry. She speaks to me in a gentle and soft voice, and reassures me that everything will be fine which works. Usually I isolate myself and don't speak when I'm angry. She will comfort me afterwards and we will spend time together (e.g. watching murder-mystery programmes and drinking tea together).

If I'm getting angry or upset about my routine or plans being broken and she senses this, she will encourage me and tell me that there is not far to go before we get there. I can remember one time when we caught a bus different to the one that we usually take to get to her place (this annoyed me because it was unexpected) but it was crowded too (this made me anxious and nervous as I dislike being touched). She told me that we would have to get off at a bus stop four stops away. That was fine. I could deal with that. But we got off at the third bus stop. I felt as if I would explode at any second and my emotions were running high. I wanted to cry, scream and bang my head on the ground. As we walked to her place, she encouraged me and reassured me by telling me that we weren't far and tried to distract me which was successful.

When I'm upset, I find it difficult to hold it in. I usually cry even if it's very little and I get teased or mocked for this, by both my family members and classmates which will only worsen it. I will isolate myself in my room where I will rock back and forth to comfort myself (repetition comforts me the most) and cry until my emotions are back under control again. Sometimes, if I am particularly upset, where I feel as if I am a failure with no success or future success, I will pull at my hair but not hard enough to pull it out of my scalp.

In other words, I don't cope very well.

I used to get the same, sadley its not aviod able, you have to teach your son that hecannot demand what he wants but from my own exprenice idk if this could be true for him but it could be he dose not like the things you do (like where you go out) however when it comes down to items that he wants e.g a game thats different. I never complained about that since I knew it was silly to try but I woukd still ask and my parents sometimes would get it or suggest other thingd like saving.

When it comes to coping thier is really no way, I cope with my issues poorly today except they are no longer things like this, they are way more adult issues and due to feeling lonely and your son is younger so atm his issues maybe different. When I was his age my issues where similar so he may with age out grow them however thats not always the case.

When it comes down to ways to cope thier are ways yes but none are really coping, for instance I try keep all my feelings suppressed when outside like at school etc and thats of anger, loneliness whatever basically, however this cant really be taught its just what I do and how I react but what I do is no where near healthy for me and nethier are any other coping methods, which is why currently im actually seeking support as I want to turn my life as I want to feel I can be me and relax since im a social person despite my AS but struggle with coping with my feelings thats why I neec to overcome them thats the only way really and if you can't overcome coping helps it leak out but dose not stop the feeling so sadley thats all I can say even though I feel this is more a thing that with time your son if you stand firm will learn from as he cannot demand what he wants, however talk with him maybe about why he feels that way, one question I have is, is this only when he wants something like a toy etc? Or is it what place or food he wants that can be different.

Anyway hope thats helped a little sorry for any poor grammer dyslexia is a worthy foe, especially when I live writing things anyway feel free to post back with anything or even pm me, good luck