My mom is very protective. please help.
Hi guys.
I'm 15 and am so frustrated with my mom
Today I wanted to get a M rated game, Call of Duty Black Ops.
When I asked her if i could get it a M rated video game she said "I think you are old enough to judge that kind of thing for yourself".
But then I showed her what i wanted to get she instantly changed her mind!
First she says that i am old enough and now she says the opposite!! WHY?!?!
She has always been very protective of me. mostly with movies and especially video games.
she doesn't understand that I don't play it for the guts and gore, I play it for the strategy and for the fun of it.
I don't get emotionally "attatched" to games so the violence doesn't bug me at all.
This is mostly because I am an aspy. She thinks I need to be molly coddled because I am "different".
But I am actually one of those people that everyone says: wow that is a mature and smart young man (not bragging, just to get that out of the way)
And I believe I am. When I try to talk to her she ignores me "because she already said No" or she literally sticks her fingers in her ears and walks away. So main point I think my mom is being unreasonable.
1 last thing : My dad would say yes to my judgement but he is swayed because my mom would get angry at him for interfering.
P.S. I have all the other call of duty but now she changed her mind suddenly.
That's it
So what can I do to show my mom, my side of the story?
I'm 15 and am so frustrated with my mom
Today I wanted to get a M rated game, Call of Duty Black Ops.
When I asked her if i could get it a M rated video game she said "I think you are old enough to judge that kind of thing for yourself".
But then I showed her what i wanted to get she instantly changed her mind!
First she says that i am old enough and now she says the opposite!! WHY?!?!
She has always been very protective of me. mostly with movies and especially video games.
she doesn't understand that I don't play it for the guts and gore, I play it for the strategy and for the fun of it.
I don't get emotionally "attatched" to games so the violence doesn't bug me at all.
This is mostly because I am an aspy. She thinks I need to be molly coddled because I am "different".
But I am actually one of those people that everyone says: wow that is a mature and smart young man (not bragging, just to get that out of the way)
And I believe I am. When I try to talk to her she ignores me "because she already said No" or she literally sticks her fingers in her ears and walks away. So main point I think my mom is being unreasonable.
1 last thing : My dad would say yes to my judgement but he is swayed because my mom would get angry at him for interfering.
P.S. I have all the other call of duty but now she changed her mind suddenly.
That's it
So what can I do to show my mom, my side of the story?
Because when she says"You're old enough" she means old enough to understand what SHE wants.
And my mother is the same way. She embarrasses me by coddling me and babying me because i am "slow".
Anyways, women are annoying and fickle and complicated.
BTW you should act like a man, not a child. You're 15, like me. You should be very aware and conscious. Never show your emotions. Just don't do embarrassing things.
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kill231
Toucan
Joined: 12 Jan 2012
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 289
Location: Anywhere in the quantum-verse
I'm 15 and am so frustrated with my mom
Today I wanted to get a M rated game, Call of Duty Black Ops.
When I asked her if i could get it a M rated video game she said "I think you are old enough to judge that kind of thing for yourself".
But then I showed her what i wanted to get she instantly changed her mind!
First she says that i am old enough and now she says the opposite!! WHY?!?!
She has always been very protective of me. mostly with movies and especially video games.
she doesn't understand that I don't play it for the guts and gore, I play it for the strategy and for the fun of it.
I don't get emotionally "attatched" to games so the violence doesn't bug me at all.
This is mostly because I am an aspy. She thinks I need to be molly coddled because I am "different".
But I am actually one of those people that everyone says: wow that is a mature and smart young man (not bragging, just to get that out of the way)
And I believe I am. When I try to talk to her she ignores me "because she already said No" or she literally sticks her fingers in her ears and walks away. So main point I think my mom is being unreasonable.
1 last thing : My dad would say yes to my judgement but he is swayed because my mom would get angry at him for interfering.
P.S. I have all the other call of duty but now she changed her mind suddenly.
That's it
So what can I do to show my mom, my side of the story?
Because when she says"You're old enough" she means old enough to understand what SHE wants.
And my mother is the same way. She embarrasses me by coddling me and babying me because i am "slow".
Anyways, women are annoying and fickle and complicated.
BTW you should act like a man, not a child. You're 15, like me. You should be very aware and conscious. Never show your emotions. Just don't do embarrassing things.
Question is your mom a NT?
Be a man do not be afraid and tell her that you are growing up and should not be babied anymore.
_________________
Even in the darkest of times there is light to guide you.
kill231
Toucan
Joined: 12 Jan 2012
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 289
Location: Anywhere in the quantum-verse
kill231
Toucan
Joined: 12 Jan 2012
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 289
Location: Anywhere in the quantum-verse
Trouble is, even if you talk her into the game, she might just change her mind AGAIN when she sees you slitting the throats of Viet Cong while they sleep or interrogate a prisoner by making him eat glass and punching him in the jaw. Parents dislike games like this because it's too realistic; they're afraid the player won't appreciate what it means to take a man's life or torture him. Obviously, you can't join the army to get this appreciation, but I suggest YOU suggest that you do some research on the Vietnam war and all the ugliness that came with it and then she let's you have the game. Yeah, it's work, but a few hours reading books and looking at pictures will pay off, not only cause you'll have the game, but you'll be smarter, too.
_________________
Everything would be better if you were in charge.
Well now it's just worse. especially because of you "Muslimmetalhead"
because my mom saw you being VERY sexist by sayin "Anyways, women are annoying and fickle and complicated"
You know what I'm not even going to finish because I'm so pissed.
She is just saying that I am not mature enough! she says I don't know what I "know".
GGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
F*** it!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !
phuhhhhhhhhhhhh.
It wasn't even about the game it was about her not understanding me.
..........................................................................
well i'm done
maybe one day she will understand..........
kill231
Toucan
Joined: 12 Jan 2012
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 289
Location: Anywhere in the quantum-verse
because my mom saw you being VERY sexist by sayin "Anyways, women are annoying and fickle and complicated"
You know what I'm not even going to finish because I'm so pissed.
She is just saying that I am not mature enough! she says I don't know what I "know".
GGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
F*** it!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !
phuhhhhhhhhhhhh.
It wasn't even about the game it was about her not understanding me.
..........................................................................
well i'm done
maybe one day she will understand..........
Sorry for making you so mad
_________________
Even in the darkest of times there is light to guide you.
Albirea
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Joined: 15 Mar 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,768
Location: Cannot be determined due to excessive knowledge of momentum
Why must I be late for everything?
Anyways, now that you're in the doghouse, the best thing to do is to show, not tell, that you're mature enough. Start taking on more responsibilities (both at school and at home), respecting and caring about your mom in a more obvious way, and helping your parents with tasks whenever you can. "Actions speak louder than words" is definitely true here.
The very worst thing you can do in this situation is whine like a typical teenager. Your goal should be to show that you're mature first according to your parents' standards before making requests, and when you do make a request, make sure the discussion is honest, logical, and understanding on both you and your parents' parts. You should be able to prove that you are much more than an average, immature, and childish teenager by handling things respectfully and not getting annoyed. It is hard, especially for an aspie, and will take a long time, but eventually your parents will be able to trust you.
I'm very sorry to hear that the previous tactics didn't work. I hope you can prove to your parents that you are much more than they thought you were.
(Oh, and don't worry about the game. I've heard that all the CoD games are about the same anyways. )
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OliveOilMom
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Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
I think that overprotecting a kid is one of the worst things a parent can do. I'm 48 and my mother overprotected me to a horrible extent. By the time I was your age I was rebelling to show her that I could do anything that other kids could do. To make matters even wierder, nobody knew I had AS then, I didn't know until my 40's. I had severe allergies and lots of respiratory infections. If we had known then that I had AS, my mother would have had a "valid" reason for being overprotective and I probably would still be living with her, never married, and a scared little mouse like I used to be.
I'd suggest pointing out that AS doesn't mean that you are forever a child who needs to be shielded, it simply means you have more difficulties with certain things, and that while you may have a harder time learning to deal with those things, you can certainly learn to.
I have four kids, 15, 17, 18, and 23 on Monday. I've never been into censorship with them. As far as I'm concerned they can read, watch, play, or listen to anything they want to. The issue of porn has never come up, so that's not even a problem. I have always talked to them like little adults, and expected them to understand and react like little adults, and I've explained things that they didn't understand, and they are pretty mature. Of course they didn't always act like adults, but the never giggled or snickered at some halfway "dirty" innuendo on tv like some kids do.
They have watched South Park since it came on, whatever movie they wanted to see, anything on TV, could read any books tthey wanted, I've never told them no to music (except some horrible twangy country stuff and that was purely an objection to the genre and if they chose to dull their senses with it, it's up to them). I don't even know what video games they have nor do I care. They have enough sense to know that none of that is real, games, movies, novels, tv shows, music etc. They have turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself (except for my oldest but that has nothing to do with how I raised him, he hooked up with this dopehead seriously crazy chick and had a baby with her and now he hates his whole family cause she hates his whole family but when he finally gets away from her, it'll be fine).
If I were you, I'd sit down and have a rational and calm conversation with your mother and ask her what she thinks might happen if you do play one of those games, or see an R rated movie, etc. Don't ask her in a challanging way, but let her know you truly want to know what her concerns are. Then explain to her why it won't happen and tell her that you would be more than happy for her to keep an eye on you after you got the game and if she saw any psychotic/sociopathic/whatever type of crazy she thinks you will go/ behavior then you wouldn't object if she took it away.
Good luck. It took me 18 years to achieve escape velocity and get out from under my mother's thumb, and if yours is as overprotective as mine was, you may have to put your foot down and just do what you need to do when you are 17 or 18. Also, remember that she does this because she loves you and a lot of her reasons are based on fear for you. Fear is very hard to overcome.
ETA; You could also google some articles that point out the harmful effects of overprotecting kids, and kids with AS or other "special needs". FInd some written by experts, not just forum posts or fluff articles in magazines or websites.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
because my mom saw you being VERY sexist by sayin "Anyways, women are annoying and fickle and complicated"
You know what I'm not even going to finish because I'm so pissed.
She is just saying that I am not mature enough! she says I don't know what I "know".
GGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
F*** it!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !
phuhhhhhhhhhhhh.
It wasn't even about the game it was about her not understanding me.
..........................................................................
well i'm done
maybe one day she will understand..........
I'm sorry about that. If you'll take anymore advice from me...Respond to her unspoken needs. Take care of yourself and your chores and things without her having to ask. If she annoys you, pretend not to act mad. She probably already realizes you are mad, but since she is a woman she can do that to you. This is how women are. They're kind of like children, except they're our equals. It's frustrating to explain and sounds very sexist, but if you don't follow the code it's even worse.
Thanks for listening
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Albirea
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^ Don't EVER say anything so sexist again. Do you know what you've done to him? You should never blame someone "because she is a woman"! His mother may seem irrational, but that doesn't mean all women are.
Ruthless generalizations such as these are never true! Maybe you should be the one to reassess your maturity.
Anyways, this is the last I'll say on this issue, to prevent a needless flame war. Pcolyn, I hope you are able to work things out with your mother.
_________________
If it doesn't make sense, it's probably a Team Fortress 2 reference.
http://failofcompleteepicness.blogspot.com/
http://self-fulfilling-destiny.tumblr.com/
Ruthless generalizations such as these are never true! Maybe you should be the one to reassess your maturity.
Anyways, this is the last I'll say on this issue, to prevent a needless flame war. Pcolyn, I hope you are able to work things out with your mother.
I'm sorry, but part of NTs are gender roles.
_________________
"I watched a change in you, It's like you never had wings, now you feel so alive"