PixieXW wrote:
I am desperate to learn who 'me' really is under all these characters. I'd love help on how I could do this but i know there are other things in my way. I am incredibly self Concious and have/am suffered from depression. I have recently began making huge thoughts on my sexuality and I wont even certify what is almost obliviously certain because I hate parts of me so much I won't accept it.
Has anyone else had their interests rule there lives? Or have any tips on how to control it?
Also has anyone went through this and came through it to be happy as themselves in the end?
The concept of self can get very philosophical. You're brain is constantly changing and forming new connections and that influences what you think, and, I would argue, who you are.
I think it starts with accepting yourself. I've hated myself for most of my life without even realizing it. Only within the past year have I started learning to accept myself and realize that it doesn't matter at the end of the day if I am different from others or don't function exactly the way the average person does. Yes, you have faults. You have a lot of faults. You are a human being. We are all human beings. No human being is perfect, and what is perfection anyway?
You are going to need help in your life. Everyone does. Businessmen sometimes talk about how they "made it without any help" because they never got financial aid but that is as valid as an arguing point as an entire intestine full of bull s**t. They had an entire slew of people shaping them as they were growing up (teachers, parents, even bullies who helped them learn to defend themselves). Please don't be self-conscious about accepting help like I did.
It's mostly futile to be self-conscious about your faults and let that prevent you from loving yourself. Don't get that confused with being self-aware, because it's important to be aware of what you are doing and feeling and why. Try not to let other people's opinions about what is good and bad have too much sway with your own developing opinions (it's good to be open-minded, but it's important to be able to decide on a personal level what you value).
As far as sexuality goes, I think the whole thing is overrated. Sex is ridiculously taboo in the United States (not sure where you're from). We've got a whole bunch of puritan and christian influence on our culture. It's ludicrous. It's proven that teenagers have the same amount of sex whether or not they have access to birth control. So what does the US do? Try to outlaw birth control in hopes that one day it's going to prevent people from giving in to biological urges. I could rant about that for a while, but...
I question my sexuality a lot. I don't have much sexual urge in the first place, but when I do it's not too gender specific. I am a woman and I find some erotic pictures/films/writings about women to be arousing, because for me "woman" can become a symbol of sex in general. I get turned on when I think about what pleasure the woman is feeling because I can relate as a woman (sometimes).
I also can get aroused by men, but usually only if they are very close enough for me to smell them and feel their proximity. I also enjoy sex with men because their sexual organs can make my sexual organs feel pleasured and for me, and on a less physical level I am attracted to naturally strong and intelligent men.
I look at different ways that animals use sex in nature other than procreative purposes. Bonobos use it to resolve power struggles and for pleasure (they're not shy about homosexual relations or about using other parts of their bodies such as their mouths to stimulate pleasure). Dogs and wolves can use humping "for dominance". Humans use it as a form of power (picture a woman going in to her male boss to ask for a raise with a low-cut shirt or a man raping a child). I do NOT think that humans are attracted to others solely on a physical basis. There are a lot of things that people find attractive in others that have nothing to do with their bodies (i.e. I find non-intimidating confidence attractive).
I feel that I've only scratched the surface in terms of giving you feedback on your post but I'll start with that. I'm pretty advice-heavy (I have a lot of "manly" styles of communicating and that's one of them) but I would like to get your feedback and what you agree/disagree with.
One more comment! I think the only time one could be happy as themselves "in the end" is being happy with themselves at the time of death. Even people you might see as being happy with themselves all of the time face self-doubt and dislike. People just deal with it and/or mask it differently.
25 May 2012, 11:47 am
