Was this a normal relationship?

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Please, no comments about how a lesbian relationship is "not normal". I have my own opinions about that, thanks.

When I was fourteen, I was dating a girl who would

1. Tell me that she had to drink cough syrup because I didn't call her.
2. Call my parents names when they wouldn't let me see her.
3. Would constantly want to kiss, ask me if I wanted to break up when I said I didn't, and occasionally hold me tighter if I tried to pull away.
4. Drop hints that if I spent more time with her that she would stop cutting.

Julia the Great:

Lesbians are wonderful.

The girl you dated when you were fourteen...not so wonderful. She scares the crap out of me and I never even met her.

That relationship has patterns of manipulation and coercion.

Calling your parents names is aggressive. And all the other stuff is just plain manipulative.

Hopefully you're not still with her!

That kind of thing happens in some straight relationships, too, so I see no gay vs. straight issue there.

It sounds like your former girlfriend has some serious insecurity issues. And, it sounds like she's the type to need to get that addressed before being able to have healthy relationships.

It's not right to put your whole reason for living (or your whole reason for not falling apart (i.e. cutting)) on another person. It's not fair. It's like threatening suicide when someone wants to leave. People need to be able to feel that they could leave if they wanted to and that you'd be sad-but-ok if things didn't work out. Otherwise, they'll feel like a prisoner, always afraid that you're going to go to pieces or die if they say or do the wrong thing. That's too oppressive to make a healthy partnership.

I'm not a psychologist, but that kind of behavior sounds borderline-ish (borderline personality disorder). I don't mean to say that people with BPD are bad people -- especially many professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists) and others (authors of books about BPD partners) do say that -- but that their condition can make relationships difficult. They're often in tremendous internal pain, but that isn't something that can be fixed better by a romantic partner (even though it seems that way to the person). I say all that because I'm a bit that way that myself, so I'm sympathetic. But, ultimately, you have to be responsible for your own happiness/adjustment in an adult way before getting involved with another person.

I have a hard time taking this question seriously. You two were only 14, probably struggling with accepting your lesbianism at the time, and there was cutting going on.

But I see you're only 18, so 14 to you seems like recent history. Live another 10 years or so, and you'll look back on it and see it was just a lot of teenage drama.

She scares me just reading about her. I'm fine with lesbians, gays, and am bisexual myself. But that... that would drive me insane.

Seems like she just needs a hell of alot of attention rather then a relationship.
It sounds like she was only in the relationship purely to get this attention in which she seeked. I don't want to judge someone I've never met, though I would stay away from such people as that isn't a normal relationship.