I've got this really bad habbit!

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I've had this habbit for a while now, and I have spoken to a number of important people in my life about it, and some understand but others don't. I've wanted to post it on here, and recieve some advice from people with aspergers and autism just like myself.

So basically, when I really want to do something and succeed, I dare myself to ruin the situation and not succeed. Why? Just because I dared myself to do it. These things include socializing, playing the drums, acting and pretty much everything. Now, when I say ruin the situation, I don't mean I ruin it by actually doing something obvious (Or at least I hope not), but when I have my mind firmly focused on achieving something-mostly somehthing that I find challenging-the word ' HABBIT! ' pops up in my head, and then all of a sudden I loose all my confidence in what I am trying to do. However, it wasn't the word habbit to begin with.

Because of my Autism (and I'm sorry if this dosen't sound like a typical autistic symptom, but that dosen't mean it's not a problem for me) I've always had a bad habbit at some point. Whether it be making a funny noise, following cars with my eyes as they drive past outside the window, or twitching my eyes really uncomfortably. But at this point in my life, my habbit was really subtle, and it was a thought in my head with the same line which went by 'You've got Autism, you can't do this!', and it was accuring during my GCSE exam period. It was a voice of doubt in my head. It was s a negative response to my nerves. I told my drama thereapist about it, and because drama thearpy is all about exploring issues in an artistic and fictional way, my thearapist adressed that we should give this bad habbit a name. So I just went with the obvious, and said it should be called 'HABBIT'.

But now I'm worried that giving this little problem of mine a name, a character and an actual visulisation has just made it far worse, because now there is a well rounded creation of it in my head, which has just made it more of a problem. I've recently started college, and because of my Aspergers, socializing dosen't come naturally to me anyway, and 'HABBIT' just ruins it for me even more so. When I ask my dad for advice, he just says that I'm over thinking things, and that I've got the choice to stop if I wanted to. But that's the thing, I know that I'm being rediculous, but unfoutunately that dosen't give me control. And when I ask my mum, she'll be humorous about it, and say something like, "why don't you just tell habbit to f**k off!" My older sister however, understands my problem, and she told me that she thinks everyone has habbit to an extent. She also articulated it very well, and compared it to standing on the edge of a cliff and having an urge to jump even though you don't want to, and that it's like tourettes, only it's just a thought rather then an action, or a vocal outburst. Her advice was that I should just stop worrying about it, and then sooner or later I'll forget about it. But I am a massive worrier, and I seem to be finding that really difficult.

Can anyone relate to this? If so, please could you give me some advice on how to deal, or even get rid of this habbit.
Thankyou!

Hey Performer16196,

I can definitely relate to this! My situation isn’t exactly the same, but I know what it’s like to deal with self-doubt and thoughts which, like your sister described, just kind of come up without you being able to stop them. I also think that everyone has it to an extent – it may show itself in different ways, but I think what your sister said makes sense.

I also know what it’s like not to be able to stop worrying about something…horrible. I don’t really know how to totally get rid of this straight away, but here are some things you could try:

Challenge the thought: you said that “habbit” comes from thinking the line “you’ve got Autism, you can’t do this!” I think you know that, in most if not all situations, this isn’t really true. Sure – it makes it more difficult to socialise – but difficult areas can be worked on and it shouldn’t stop you from socialising completely unless you get really anxious about it. Do you have any proof that it would stop you from doing certain things? If you do, maybe you could try writing it down and analysing it and seeing how failure/things going wrong could be avoided. Alternatively, do you have any proof that the thought isn’t true? Think times in the past when socialising/whatever “habbit” is making you nervous about went well in the past; or about others with autism who managed perfectly well.

After all, what’s the worst that could happen? Often things that go wrong can be made right, and if they can’t, you can always come here on the forums and write about it and I’m sure you’ll find lots of people having experienced similar problems.

I don’t know if this is of any help…but since it seems that “habbit” isn’t just going away on its own, I’d honestly just take the time to sit down for a while and write your thoughts out, as you’ve done here. Where did the original thought come from in the first place? What is it that actually worries you? If it helps you to visualise things, you could always try to create another character in your head from a contradicting thought - I CAN do this – sounds weird but I’ve always done it before. Just find that thought, and every time the negative one pops up think the positive one. Keep repeating it to yourself.

I hope this helps – if not, is there anyone else you can talk to about it if it’s really affecting you/stopping you from doing things? (: You’re definitely not alone in this.