I need some help with diagnostics...

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Hi, I'm new on these forums.

I'm in grade nine, just turned fourteen, and in the face of numerous problems. To make a lengthy tale short, I need some assistance in deciding whether I am indeed an "aspie" or not. Therefore...

I'm Chinese, not sure if anyone here is. This fact partly plays a role in my unrest.

I'm not considered popular; looked down upon as wallpaper - not really there.

Having immense trouble with change - ever since coming to highschool, I've been wracked by the drastic changes around me - particularly my friends. If I could, I would return to elementary school in an instant.

I don't have much friends, at least not anymore. I had a lot of friends in elementary school, but even then I had much difficulty with social interaction.

I'm quite aware that a lot of things are being said behind my back - I pretend to ignore it. I'm a wuss that way.

I'm overly shy - I never spoke a word to anyone unless I absolutely had to. And even then, I avoided eye contact and stared down onto the floor.

I excel in all of my classes, especially english.

My so-called "special interest" is graphics designing, at one point I was truly obsessed.

I wish to communicate with my peers and share with them my feelings, but I simply cannot, and I frequently blame my personality for that.

I don't dress all too strangely. I have a weak build, and have been ridiculed because of that.

While at school, I am shy, but at home, I am sometimes uncontrollably angry. And it shows.

There is nothing strange about the way I speak.

...so in my pathetic desperation, I decided to make my first post here.
Do I have Asperger's Syndrome?

Well you've got a good start towards indentifying YOUR problem.(not to say asperger's is bad, it can be very good if used to its strengths and learn to control the downfalls). What I suggest you do, is research the syndrome a little more(dont know how much you know about AS). There are asperger's quizes that help decide if it's worth looking into. You can find them on google or even on the boards here, but to save you some time here are the two I know of that are fairly accurate:

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

and

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

Cant hurt you to try those and see how you test on them. If you post them on the forum here, peple will be able to help you a lil better ive seen. Dont get me wrong, what you have shared is a very good start, but we need to know more symptomatic than situational. Aspies tend to be shy and thats a good place to start but do you have any senses that seem exaggerated(either less than normal or more than normal aka hypo or hyper sensitivity)?

I also noticed you said at school you tend to clam up, not speak much and just try to get through the day, while at home you tend to "vent" for lack of better terminology. This could have to do with emotioinal dysregulation which is prominent in aspies. Also, do you tend to see many of your own symptoms in either of your parents? Remember, autism is believed to be genetic, although it varies in severity. If you have siblings, they may not have it or it may not even be noticable.

Also realize that even if you figure this conundrum out, it will be an uphill battle at least to convince your parents, friends, and everyone else for that matter. Dont give up, even if you're not an aspie, people of this community are very helpful and sincere. We'll help ya figure this out, good luck

Al

I thank you for the links you posted, and for some of the advice mentioned.

Here are the results for the first test:
Your Aspie score: 120 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 71 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

As for the second test:
Score: 39, Aspie

...

Earlier, you asked me if any of the AS symptoms could be seen in my parents, and yes, particularly my father, however, not to a great extent. He tends to vent a lot, unleashing most of his anger on my younger sister. To be honest, I don't know very much about him, as he's only home for three days a week, but I'll try to investigate.

You mentioned that you needed more symptoms, particularly exaggerated senses.
I do, in fact, experience hyper sensitivity daily. I don't show it, but everytime I'm verybally assaulted, I feel my eyes burn and I have to fight the urge to cry. Even if I am only slightly insulted.
Though I am not sure if you'd call that hyper sensitivity.

Again, I thank you for helping me out. I think this is the path I'll need to take to uncover everything.
From what I have seen, this is, indeed, a great community. I think I've made a great choice.

Alright, we have good scores to suspect a possibility of a ASD. Be careful how you approach this with either of your parents. My best suggestion is to use your desire to want to know more about AS as a fuel to understand your parents better.

For instance, dont ask them or tell them you think you may be autistic. Instead, ask them what life was like when they were your age. Ask them how they did in school and how they dealt with social situations/pressures. When they ask why "you want to know all this all of a sudden", say " I want to know what life was like for my parents." They'll take this as a compliment or a closing of the gap between you and them(which I suspect is there between you and your dad). I don't care how boring it may be to hear them talk or if your aspieness starts getting to you, hold it in and pay attention. You're doin this not only to learn about your parents but to have a basis for your arguement to them that you may be autistic.

After you start to get to know what life was like for them(mainly your dad, but also talk to your mom about her life as well), ask them if they ever had any troubles with some of the symptoms you suffer(for instance difficulty to control your emotion during criticism, aka your eyes burning/wanting to cry). Make sure you ask that AFTER you ask what their life was like, NOT before. If they tell you that they do fight with symptoms like that, ask them how they cope(this will help you more than you know, as you'll have another way to battle your symptoms).

Once you've had a conversation or 2 with them about thier childhood and about specific symptoms that you "suffer" from, bring up to them that you have reason to believe you may be autistic. They will probably say something to the effect of "well why would you think that?" OR "You're not autistic, end of story". Either way, you need to STAY CALM. You need to take this as if you're in court speaking in front of a judge and jury. No one will take you seriously if you just break down and start raising your voice/being disobediant. If you think it will help, print out a copy of the DSM-IV diagnostic standards(the list of what is considered to be symptoms of AS) and bring that to the table BEFORE you start this conversation. You can even say something like "hey dad/mom, I want to show you something. I've been doing a lot of reasearch and this is what I've come up with...(show them the papers)".

THIS WILL BE A DIFFICULT SELL, EVEN IF IT SEEMS LIKE ITS BLATANTLY TRUE! I'm 21 years old and it took me a long time to even get the guts to bring this up to my mom, let alone convince her once i did. I had pretty much reached where you are right now, about 7 months ago, but only told my mom about it 4 months ago. I just got her to realize I might be right about 1 month ago. I am a self diagnosed aspie, because autistic experts are few and far between, and even the experts dont seem to know what they're takin about. This is one of the ONLY diagnosises where you pretty much have to explain to the doctor whats wrong with you, why you believe you have this, and what your proof is. Compared to a compound fracture or diabetes, there are no "tests" really for them to run and go "yup, you're autistic". You may even have to go to 3 or 4 psychiatrists before you find one that believes you instead of misdiagnosing you with something that doesnt totally fit.

Always remember that this site was created because the world needed to understand what it's like for us. It was created to give us a safe haven to compare and contrasts our lives with people like us. It's a community for us and by us. MOST people on this site are here either looking for help and understanding OR trying to provide it because they didnt get it. People will help you on this site if you ask, always remember that.

Keep us posted on your progress, but keep in mind, "Rome wasnt built in a day".

Passion Patience and Perseverance
Al

So the battle has been taken to my parents, hm?

Like before, your advice seems to be most helpful, however, it will take some time before I am able to conjure up the courage to confront my parents about all of this. Worse, they don't even know what my current situation at school is like. They've only seen my angry side.

In the end, I think my desire to resolve all of this should be a considerably helpful utility.


....

There is something else that I have been wondering, though it probably doesn't mean much in the face of all this: is puberty playing a certain role in all of this chaos?

Have you ever heard of people that are autistic may have trouble digesting foods with gluten and casein? I'm no expert on that side, but from what I've read, when autistics eat foods that contain those two things they turn into substances called gluteomorphin and caseomorphine (while neurotypicals do not). The reactions of both of these substances act almost like morphine or have a heroine effect (as I've heard someone say) on certain parts of our brains and, to me, it makes me tired when I eat anything with gluten or casein in them (especially cold cereal lol). This is only a theory, but it can be proven useful for biological "proof" (as in, it's only a theory so far; but it has lots of evidence for its truth). Anyways, I'm just trying to provide some biological things that I know about people on the autistic spectrum so that you can actually provide enough evidence to present your concern as to why you think you're autistic. You can probably tell your parents but (at least for me) it would be hard because from my autistic experiences, telling parents about things like this is hard unless you're close to them. But, as with all things, you just have to "suck it up"; and if you're afraid to talk to your parents for any reason (not as in any relationship issue, but possible social fear possibly? I don't know; I just know that I get kind of scared talking to my parents about certain things because of my autistic tendancies). To press on, as said, you may want to look more into Asperger's, or conduct more research about it, which may answer lots of questions that you may have, and it would provide more of a base as to why you think you may have Asperger's. Here's a few people that are good resources in the autistic realm:

Temple Grandin
Liane Holiday Wiley (I don't know if I spelled it right)
Tony Attwood

Here's a couple books off the top of my head that I know are good (that I've also read):

"Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals"

(I'm not a parent or a professional, but it provides lots of facts about autistic people and provides lots of the diagnostic tables that psychology programs use to diagnose people in the back of the book; it's not the same as going to a psychologist or psychiatrist for diagnosis, but it definitely answers questions. There's tons of facts about Asperger's in this book that's a must for anyone wishing to find out more about Asperger's.)

"Freaks, Geeks, and Asperger's Syndrome"

"Pretending to Be Normal"

Well, I hope that this helps!

If you're really interested their is a whole [probably many] website discussion forum dedicated to GFC [Gluten Cassein Free diets] on the Yahoo chat room. I'll have a hunt around and see if I can come up with the site feed.
Best wishes
http://whitterer-autism.blogspot.com

Here it is
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GFCFKids/
best wishes

I just read an interesting thread about how a person could fit all the criteria for Asperger's, but not actually have the syndrome. Before I talk to my parents, I think I will have to do a great amount of research.

I've also been considering a transfer of schools, but a certain, obscuring thought has come to mind: if I am neurologically defunct, will transferring schools actually help? Would't I bring my deficiencies along with me?

Adding to my list of worries: It seems my hair is becoming a mass of grey... way ahead of my time... everyone's been commenting about it. I wonder if this is a factor. Or something.

We'll see.

- Vincent.

Alright, your hair may be goin grey because of genetics(albeit a rare chance) or because you have too much stress(MUCH MORE LIKLY). If infact you do have asperger's syndrome/HFA, TRUST ME, switching schools isnt going to help that much. You WILL have a chance to start over, but UNLESS you change some of your personality traits, how you react to the world, how you basically act, you can be assured that you will be in a similar situation.

The best thing you can do is decide it's ok to be you and show the world who that is. Sure, there will be antagonists, maybe even a lot of them, but those who accept you are really the only ones that matter. It took me TOO LONG to figure this out. We all(NT & autistics alike) want to be accepted and popular. What you have to realize is not everyone is going to like you, just like not everyone is liked by everyone else. You have to take your strengths, your intrests, your personality, and show them off to the world. If you're good with words(something I happen to be fortunate with) write things like poetry and naratives. If you're good at art, keep drawing, painting, sculpting, and show it off if you think it looks good. If you can play an instrument, make sure to be the best at your craft and play for others.

The point is, you have to come to a point in life where you realize somethings you can change, somethings you can't. Make friends with anyone you can and when you feel comfortable with them, ask them what they like about you and accentuate/emphasize that. Ask them what they dont like and if you agree that its a bad habbit, cut it out of your catalog of characteristics. Life is an endless game with few rules, even though some dont even play by them. Those are the people who reach quick success to meet utter defeat. They may seem like they're better off than you, but I assure you, they're not. If you get a chance to talk to any of them personally, they'll tell you about things you couldnt imagine they deal with on a daily basis.

I got a friend who can get along with anyone(ie me) and has a charasmatic personality. People like to work for and with him. But he has had to changed his number 5 or 6 times because some girls he's been with STALK him. His phone rarely stays silent. He barely gets any privacy from his hovering grandmother. His wife constantly makes him feel like he's doing something wrong when he takes time for himself to unwind and relax. So you see, we all have our problems, we just need to find ways to overcome them.

The main difference for people like us(aspies and the sort) and them(NTs) is we don't know what our problems are some of the times. We dont know why people dont like us, or why we can't seem to understand somethings. We dont know what's wrong, until we are shown. They have problems that are blatant but they have no idea how to fix them.

Keep your head up and make decisions you can look back on and be happy you did. We all make mistakes but its the ones we could change we hate the most.

Al

PS I wanna see this thread you found about how someone could fit ALL of the criteria and not actually have the syndrome. To me, that sounds like a load of crap. You dont just meet ALL standard criteria for something and not have it(unless you're not telling someone about things that could lead to another diagnosis). That would be like saying, "I have red blotches all over my skin that itch when my body temperature rises, but its not psoriasis". The point of criteria(in medical terms) is to make a set of symptoms when grouped together that show us to a syndrome, disorder, or disease.

I read the thread here.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=21738
Apparently, the author thinks he isn't a "non-NT", if I'm allowed to put it that way.

I completely understand what you wrote, Al, if I may be on a first-name basis with you.

Before I became fully aware that I was "different" from the others, I found myself subject to doing the most atrocious, ridiculous things in order to fit into my surroundings. Even so, it never quite worked out. Now, two years after leaving elementary school, the situation has changed, just a little. I've stopped doing stupid things - I just keep to myself most of the time. When I talk to my few friends, it's in a very... literal... manner. However, on the rare occasion that someone else actually wants to talk to me, I have the uncontrollable urge to act arrogant, and pretend to act "all hardcore". I'm not sure if this relates well - but the whole point is, my conscience, or inner self, is still attempting to fit in, by putting on various "masks".

These past few days, I have made an interesting observation - an observation that I should have realized quite awhile ago. I noticed that I talk in a very quick manner, almost to the point of mumbling, and many times I have to repeat myself to my peers. People have spoken to me about that numerous times, but I decided not to be concerned.

I'll try to keep this little "self-discovery" project going, and I hope that my peers don't eventually get the best of me. I'll try to be my nerdy self, reading books and writing for leisure, as well as designing web graphics. Honestly, such sage advice. >_<;;

All of the previous posts have been significantly helpful to me. The great thing about this community is that the members are dedicated to helping each other.

Thanks alot. I'll stay tuned.
- Vincent.

While the respect is appreciated, I'm not much older than you if you take into account that I'm more or less a 21 year old teenager(particularly 14 or so I'd guess). To be honest, everyone, and I do mean everyone uses social masks sometime or another. They may not realize it or are in denial, but really, thats just the psych of the animal. Male Lions try to show off how strong they are to keep other males away from "Thier" women. Apes also do this, but in order to prove they're "the leader of the pack". Wolves establish an alpha male by pretty much the same path(fighting to prove superiority).

If you take this in human terms, it USED to be that way. In other words, barbarians and vikings used to prove thier dominance in battle, razed(burned down) villages of those they defeated. Ancient Greece and Rome took over the "known" world by superior strategy in war. But now, we've "culturalized" and "domesticated" ourselves to where, intellect is important, but personality is divine. Charisma can change the face of the world in an instant(take hitler or stalin for example).

Anyways, to what I was meaning to speak about before I got into the world psych rant! A rapidity in speech shows a sense of nervousness or timidity. Wether you know it or not, you are nervous about something. It can be as simple as not thinking you have enough time to say everything you want/need to say, to something as complex as an inferiority complex. You fear that your friends aren't really your friends and that they dont really care about what you think or say.

Also, trust me, what you just said about trying to fit in, applies to 95% of us(in my own guestimation). The reason being, you see the acts as they are, and not what they socially mean. Drinking is stupid because it incapacitates your brain, but drinking means(or is supposed to mean) spending quality time with your good friends. Making fun of people is wrong, but it means you understand why they're doing it and agree with thier opinions. See the difference?

As for the reason you act in an arrogant manner? You've seen everyone else in life who's "cool" do this. In movies, in music, and in everyday life itself. Something about a cocky person catches our attention(good or bad). They act as if they're the king of the world and if you don't agree, you better be able to prove it or walk away. Even if you prove them wrong, those who follw them still wont believe you. It's an endless cycle of lead or follow. We don't do this often because we see no need for it, we dont start conversations frequently enough because frankly social life is trivial to us at best(doesnt mean we dont long to be popular or accepted). But when someone catches our attention by wanting to speak to us, we feel the need to prove to them that they made a good choice.

All in all, you seem like a fairly level headed kid who's just looking for answers in any place he can search. This is a good thing but be careful where you look. There are answers everywhere but that doesnt mean they're correct. You have to decide for yourself what is good and bad, while still adhearing to the social rules.

Al

By the way, unless you mean nerdy in an intellectual and POSITIVE manner, dont talk about yourself that way. And dont allow others to mold who you are. What I mean by that, is if some people dont like you, doesnt mean you have to change. It doesnt mean you have to isolate yourself, unless you want some solitude now and then. Remember, too much of anything is a bad thing. Sometimes you have to go outside and get dirty just so your mom can yell at you for ruining your new clothes. Sometimes you have to make a fool out of yourself in front of a girl to let her know you're interested in her. Sometimes you have to do the opposite of what you think is right, JUST TO PROVE IT. Life is wierd, and Im happy you have found an answer to a disturbing reality. I like who I am, but i only dream that I knew what was "wrong" with me before I figured this out. Use that to your advantage. So you dont speak so well but you have a lot to say, write it down with your heart in it. So you're not a talented athlete, but you love video games, get good at them. Point is, Enjoy what you do and do what you enjoy.

Hi again.

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've last posted, but I did, however, check this thread frequently.
These past few days have been spent thinking deeply about everything, and I'm glad New Year's Eve came wen it did - it gave me a time to formulate my goal - my resolution - without feeling totally... stupid? In all my thinking, I've decided that I'm already getting closer to my dad, and that sooner or later, I'll be able to consult them about all of this.

Today's post isn't related to the battle with my parents, though. I've also been thinking a whole lot about the changing world around me, like my peers. I was going through my MSN the other night, and I realized how much people I had on my list. This may not mean much to a normal person, or to any of you, but most of the people on this list were dear friends of mine from grade seven - my "prime year". I spoke to a lot of them, and I realized how much they've changed - no longer the accepting people I knew. Depressed by these changes, I spoke to a friend still loyal to me, in a sense. We talked for a couple of hours, but in the end, all that really came out of it was "don't dwell on the past". I find that I can't do that yet. Like I wrote in my first post here, I'd like to return to those times.

[From this point on, you don't have to read any more.]

Earlier today I spoke to another old friend of mine. I knew him since the second grade, so I knew I would be able to talk to him about this. At first, it was as if he would be willing to help me out, but eventually, I could tell there was a sort of rejecting atmosphere about him. The conversation ended abruptly, and I ended up feeling as if something was severed, although I can't pinpoint it yet.

In the beginning of grade seven, I had just a couple of friends, who were in a different class and occupied with their own things. I spent the first term of that year in solitude, until three girls actually tried to befriend me. I was surprised because, well, these girls were actually quite popular... and they were girls. Yes, I'm emberassed to say, I am even more timid around girls. I was quite the idiot back then - my grades couldn't get any lower than they already were - but these girls' marks were way at the top. So our friendship began awckwardly, with me secretly trying to equal them, or maybe even surpass them, in academics - this, I think, is the core reason I am such a high achiever in school currently. These girls always talked about how we would stick together and how they would never changed, and we even tried to attend the same secondary school. Well, because life is life, that didn't happen, and sadly, they did change. They suddenly went to being "cool". Although I am sincerely happy for their success in all of this, I'm feeling somewhat crushed.

[Rant's end. =)]

Well if you read all that, you might think that the world around me is crumbling - I think that too. I don't know if all of this has any relevancy to my bigger problems, but I think it may be feeding it, somehow. If I can't go back to grade seven, I'll have to get over all of it, right? It's really hard...

If you're still keeping up with this, I thank you again for all that you've done for me up till now.
It feels good to let my thoughts pour out like that - sorry if it annoys you.