ARRRGGGHHHHHH!! !! !! (Warning: RANT!! !!)

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I was at the laundromat with my dad and was just putting in quarters automatically and then I went one machine too far accidentally, and my dad was saying "[UDAspie13] no. NO!" It didnt process till after and I couldn't explain that it didn't click, so I just said 'I didn't hear you'. Then he goes 'yes you did you flinched and then did it anyways' and i'm thinking 'well you have someone yell in your ear when your not expecting it and see if you flinch or not'. My dad REALLY confuses me he is always smiling when he's mad and I can never tell if hes really mad or just joking or what because he is SO FREAKIN INCONSISTENT!! !! I hate staying alone with him because I cant predict whether something will set him off or not and he has a tendency to yell which i hate the sound of. its very sharp and abrupt and blegh.
So I REALLY hate it when people are like 'I don't think my dx is really me' or 'I don't like my dx' because I would do almost ANYTHING to be diagnosed with ANYTHING. I am not normal and I hate that I'm expected to behave like an NT. My freakin mom doesnt even BELIEVE in getting diagnosed with that sorta thing unless it really impairs you and im thinking 'well, hmmm, does losing five or six friends in two and a half years count as impaired?" she doesnt know any of this because i dont tell her because i dont want her sympathy, i want a solution. A dx. A shirt that says: 'Warning, socially inept.' A freakin NEON SIGN over my head, i dont freakin care!! !! !! !! !! im already that invisible kid, i already do most things alone and i freakin want a reason!! !! i lose friends faster than i make them, i look forward to putting CHINCHILLA CAGES together, i already have a theory why vaccines could cause autism, ive been reading the adult medical section since third grade, this isnt freakin normal!! !! !!

Nice rant.

If it makes you feel any better, I has an equally inconsistent father to deal with up to about a year ago. I feel your pain.

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Nice rant.

If it makes you feel any better, I has an equally inconsistent father to deal with up to about a year ago. I feel your pain.

Does your school have a counselor or even a nurse? If so, go see them (preferably the counselor) and tell them how you feel and that you would like to talk to a professional to see if you need a diagnosis or therapy or medication or what, and that your mother isn't being very helpful about it. They can call your mom and explain it to her, and probably actually require her to take you to someone. Sure it'll make her mad at you but you'll get evaluated at least and maybe find out what's going on.

As for the socially inept thing, even if you get a diagnosis that won't change it. I wasn't diagnosed until my 40's, and when I was your age there was no such thing as AS (that most people knew of) so I was just "peculiar" and had to learn how to fit in. You'll still have to learn social skills and such, even with a dx. It does help though, to understand how your brain works.

As for vaccines, you can throw that out the window. When my kids were little I was terrified of the immunizations because I thought they caused autism as well. However, they don't. I've never had a vaccine and I have AS. I was allergic to them and never got any. I do think they can cause some types of brain damage, but I don't think they can cause autism. Some vaccines can cause a high fever which can cause brain damage, but many illnesses can also cause a fever like that. I think that most of the brain damage caused by vaccines stems from the fever.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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