Have my evaluation next month...

Post Reply New Topic

I've never been one to make a fuss out of my 'quarks'. I've known I've been a bit different from others from my observations, since well, preschool, my first mass socialization, but it never really meant that much to me... How I got to the point of an evaluation of mild autism is long, but in short 1. Read Nobody Nowhere by Donna Williams and cried multiple times 3. Have had multiple public break downs since I've gotten a job 5. Learnt autism runs in my family 3. My new general doctor whose son is autistic, said I have a high chance of it. 4. Certain conformations from a very close and long known friend
I want to know of any advice anyone has for my first evaluation. On my own I've just been keeping a list of behaviors I notice in myself. Also, if anyone has any irrefutable evidence I can check for myself. I'm from a poor family in a poor area, so it's innate in me to not want to make a fuss. Child Services are quick to snatch kids away from their family's if there's anything strange(least in my area), and I didn't want to leave(history of abuse, but humans prefer the known, plus I'm very attached to my mom) so, just to calm myself a bit. In the booklet thing they mailed to be filled out, one thing they listed was that apparently toe walking is a autistic behavior. I just used to associate it that I was a raptor so that's why it felt better to walk and run that way(still do sometimes but broke a toe so it stings sometimes,also only go up stairs that way). I was born with extremely bad eyesight that required 2 surgery's so doctors related that to my delayed development in many things. Also had twin speech with my year older brother(whom stopped talking till I started my babbling, took awhile till anyone knew what I said), and sing-song voice. I had speech therapy with my brother in elementary... I liked the smelly stickers and still like seeing them in stores lol.
I really have no idea how to go about this and it's something I'm sensitive on and if anyone says that 'oh, you're over reacting' thing, or some variation, I just shut up and don't wish to fight. I have no energy to fight with someone over something I have no hard evidence for and something that so many people have very little knowledge on. I've tried some other autism help things online and found out from one autistic that we share a certain behavior. During high emotional times/stress like in the death in a family member, we mentally shut down and are calm. We then block out the event/person related to it, and if at all, deal with it very later on.(3 major death in my family and abusive instances). It's like it's not even in our heads anymore. Learnt that Selective Dissociation sounds a lot like this in the memory loss thing. I went to a grief councilor a few months after one of the deaths and he said that I was fine(found out that when told to draw my family I only drew those that lived in the same house as I and not my dad and older brother whom I saw regularly. If that relates at all idk my mom told me later on that that was weird)
My father was neglected physical contact and had hardly any socialization even with this caretaker in his first year of life, so I'm sure we all know what that does to a persons development. He finely went to see someone after I told him about the 'act' he does with people and how I find it funny no one see's through it(one of my friends does it and I just see through her naturally, they fake interest and act annoyingly friendly) and after we agreed we both think about people like Dexter(besides the killing), he's been diagnosed mildly schizoid personality disorder and something else. If that helps at all. He's helped me understand things by just telling me too study everything as a bystander and look it up later. My mom has always considered me her little observer out of her kids and I find it fun. I have a bad habit of eavesdropping, well told that that's bad. I just want to know what people are saying and don't see it as a bad thing. Mom and I people watch and make up stories for people, we used to do that with birds on the electric wires.... That is out of place I realize, but no idea where to put it and it poped in my head right after I typed that, so leaving it there lol.
I want to get out of this 1. I wont cry easily anyone at stupid things like if someone is angry at me 2. TO understand people and things for once 3. To be able to regulate my emotions like a normal person and not be 'neurotic' or a 'spazz'. Sorry if this was too long! I have no clue what's relevant or not, and/or what to put or not.... So um, advice on what to do to prepare for my evaluation, some irrefutable behaviors to look for if I have, and I guess you're opinion.... Thank you if anyone reply's!