So my parents usually get along (to what I know) but the one issue is that my mother takes my brother's (actually half-brother, but he's my brother no matter what the technical term is, and I'll call him Z) side in a lot. My dad does not have very high expectations for Z.
Anyways, tonight they were fighting and the basis was that my Dad was essentially jealous of Z. His words were something like 'I feel like I'm not the number-one man in this house anymore. He is."
SERIOUSLY? He's jealous of my 16-year-old brother.
Anyways, the argument ended with Dad packing and leaving the house. He never said good-bye or anything. I'm not really worried about the leaving because he's 'left' before and comes back... except I AM kind of worried because he's never PACKED and then left. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK!! !! !! !!
And I'm confusing myself. When he left, I didn't feel anything. I don't know. Maybe the constant NOT KNOWING of whether an argument was going to break out was getting to me (explains why my nails and the skin around them has been slowly disappearing) and maybe I'm just hoping that if he's gone then so is another uncertainty. I know that that's not right to think, but they've been doing this for awhile and I JUST DON'T KNOW and I am a serious control freak and NOT having this in my control bugged me a lot.
So...
WHAT IS THIS?
Are my feelings wrong?
Is it wrong that I'm not mad or sad that he actually packed and left? Even if it isn't the real thing, then I don't know. It's like he crossed a line the first time he 'left' and now every time he does it again it's just going to desensitize him more and more until he does it for real. And I'm scared, because my Mom isn't college educated and can't support five kids. My brother can work at McDonald's, but the uncertainty is driving me crazy. I usually chew on my thumbs because I like the feeling, but when I heard the car drive off, I was biting them hard. I DON'T KNOW! I'm only thirteen, this is too hard.