um help please?

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so my parents told me a while ago they think i might have aspergers, bc theyd read about it and ive just always been a loner and i dont empathize very well with others and yeah, i just fit the description, but my therapist says i worry too much about what other people think of me to have aspergers! but the thing is, i just worry because i dont want to get bullied for being ulgy and annoying, as ive been before! so, does that mean i definitely dont have aspergers?

worrying about what others think doesn't rule AS out or in. your therapist is mistaken.

The clinical definition of Empathy is the ability to recognize and interpret nonverbal cues in others in order to intuit their state of mind; and to know how to respond appropriately.

In other words, are you typically aware of what others are feeling - can you determine their emotional state by the expressions on their faces and the way they sit, move and talk? When you realize how they're thinking or feeling, do you know how to respond to it?

Or does it never even occur to you to wonder what other people are thinking or feeling because you're too wrapped up in what's going on in your own head?

When you do notice, or someone tells you what they're feeling, do you know what you should do? If someone bursts into tears, do you have an automatic instinct that allows you to know just what you should do to comfort them? Or do you just stand there awkwardly, feeling you should do something, but having no clue where to begin?

See, Empathy isn't strictly about feeling compassion. Autistic people are perfectly capable of sympathizing with the plights of others, we're just particularly bad at noticing what other people are feeling and when we do become aware, we have no idea what to do about it. Which may give the appearance that we don't care, but that's not necessarily the case.

In any case, many of the difficulties of High Functioning Autism are things that a lot of normal people experience from time to time. The difference is, for us, these things are conditions we live with constantly to the level that they constitute actual handicaps, that prevent us from being able to live a normal life.

That's the real question - are these problems so overwhelming that you cannot function to the same level as the majority of your peers? Or are they mere occasional inconveniences?



cathylynn is absolutely correct. Your therapist is making the common mistake of thinking that people with High Functioning Autism all look and act like Rainman, and that simply isn't the case. You might remind your therapist that Dan Ackroyd and Daryl Hannah, both famous actors, have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome since childhood and you can't be an actor without being concerned with what other people think.

And to add to what Willard said, it can be uneven. Someone with autism or Aspergers may respond empathically at times when they are familiar with, recognize, and know what to do about a situation but completely miss social cues about someone else's reaction other times.

I agree with above. Don't see why worrying what people think about you excludes you from being diagnosed with AS.
Didn't think that was really to do with empathy...
I worry about what people think, but am still considered as having AS.

i guess with the empathy thing, i can notice peoples feelings, and i can often understand them, but i dont know how to respond to them, so yeah i stand there awkwardly, and when i was younger id just leave whenever somebody started crying, but thats apparently even worse!

and add to the hopper, books on social skills seem to recommend a left-brain approach, when what we really need is more of a right-brain (feel and texture) approach.

I personally have benefited from a conscious decision to turn down my internal censor, so that the default setting is that it's probably okay to go ahead and say it anyway, unless it really jumps out at me as inappropriate. Combined with, if another person needs space, go ahead snd give them space without the intermediate step of asking whether they should need space.

I also decided to talk more, it's good and bad. People get mad about too much babbling on, but they seem to experience me as more friendly with less censoring.

It's hard to know when to give them space, though. How do you figure out to do that before people get mad?

It's more if they get mad, then I give space. And without trying to assign blame and decide if they're in the wrong or if I was in the wrong. It's more the attitude, if the person needs space, go ahead and give him or her space. And later in the day or over the next couple of days, there will be plenty of time for me to mull over the situation and maybe come up with a better way for similar future situations.

For example, if I try and broach a conversation with a co-worker and he's in a pissy mood, that's alright, I can go ahead and give space.

One thing I learned from playing live table poker in Vegas casinos (which I recommend for social skills, not so much the money) is that it's not so much about picking up some great subtleties. Rather, it's just avoiding burying my head so deeply in my own cards that I miss what is patently obvious right in front of me.

Thank you, Aardvark!

You're welcome.