How do you normally feel

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On an average day, how do you feel? I don't mean things like hurt feelings etc. but how cluttered is you rmind? Can you motivate yourself? Is it normal for aspires to never be happy? I want to be happy really badly and go back to enjoying my hobbies but I think that, without knowing it, this has been a problem since my pre-diagnosis experiences that seem to have messed me up a bit, by having so much on my shoulders. How do you feel? Any advice? I am scared that I will be like this for many years until I can figure it out myself but it may be too late then.

It seems that on WP people are very concerned with things like friends and socialisation but I just want to clear my mind. I always feel like there is some massive baggage on my shoulders and it's been like this for years. I used to be a lot more prosperous in that I would spend hours doing mathematics without realising it because I was just doing it for fun. I want to be able to do this again. I am not sure if I just can't focus or if I am depressed or what.

I find that how I feel is enormously dependent on whether or not I've had enough alone-time and space from other people and social interaction. If I have had too much socializing pressed upon me, I'm unhappy, feel close to meltdown, my mind feels cluttered and I'm discombobulated and actually begin to stop functioning. This happened last week -- I had to take a sick day from work.

If I've had my ideal amount of alone-time, space, and haven't had to talk to anyone I didn't want to talk to, I get better and better. I feel calmer, I start becoming more productive -- even if it's only around the apartment, such as getting dishes washed and laundry done. I'm a happier and more productive and less depressed and angry person if I've been allowed to be by myself enough to restore my energy, recharge my batteries.

Lately it happens that I have a lot of "forced" interaction that I haven't actually chosen -- it's a long story. And if I get too much of that socializing, I am one very unhappy bunny until I get recovery time. Recovery time for me is at least a couple of days completely alone, not talking to anyone.

I'm not sociopathic or misanthropic, I actually do like these people but I can only take so much of the strain of social interaction, which takes a lot out of me.

It usually depends on many things;
-How much sleep I've gotten
-How much I've eaten in the last 24 hours
-How people have treated me in the last 48 hours
-If my day has gone well or not

Most of the time I'm pretty cheerful, but then there's days like today that become super stressful because I missed one or more of these factors. Today it's because I had some miscommunication with my mom about the bus schedules and the woman driving the county shifter bus into downtown Portland left ten minutes earlier than she should have. I had to flag down the college bus, and he took me to a MAX station (kinda like the subway but above ground) so I could get into Portland. And I also only got four hours of sleep.