social class and aspergers

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my family is wealthy, and I am aware that this makes my life much easier than some, however, there are times when I just want to feel sorry for myself, and my family's money sometimes makes me feel guilty for that, actually, it always makes me feel guilty, which is why I wanted to ask your opinion about it. I have Aspergers syndrome, and I have it bad, so I know the pain of isolation and loneliness, sadness, depression, ect, ect. I have experienced misunderstanding, mistrust, and even flat out contempt that is caused by my condition. but does the privelage of upper middle class comfort automatically turn me into some snively little richboy, do I have the right to feel sorry for myself?

Interesting you should bring up the idea of Asperger's and class. I've read, on a few sites, that the middle and upper class are the ones mainly diagnosed with Asperger's because they're the ones who can afford to see a diagnostician (clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, etc). My diagnosis, for instance, set me back $150 - impossible if I was living hand to mouth. Technically, I'm still p[oor, but not as bad off as when I was homeless or just scraping by.

I also have another theory about mild Asperger's. The anti-social behavior of kids who are shy and socially awkward in middle & upper class families is tolerated to maintain their love and affection by their parents.. In poor homes, odd behavior is usually countered by a swift slap to the face, starvation or other forms of discipline not seen in wealthier homes. In the richer home, the odd kid gets slapped with a label - Asperger's Syndrome. In the poorer homes, the abuse is piled on so much that the kid has no choice but to be forced into "normalcy" by their strict & abusive parents.

Then again, I could be wrong. Won't be the first time.

The family I came from is also well off, and that made things more difficult for me. My mother is a socialite who's entire self-worth is based around how other people saw her. So imagine her surprise when her first daughter hid during birthday parties, only spoke in movie lines, and "embarrassed myself and her" during elementary school cheerleading try-outs. Of course, I was only weird to spite her and make her look bad. Someone less concerned with appearances might have gotten me help before I was 20 and was diagnosed while seeking help for (surprise, surprise...) depression.

Now my family struggles with money but are happy. MY mom has 2 other daughters who are pretty and happy and neurotypical, cheerleaders who wear brand name clothing and carry 200 dollar purses and boyfriends hanging off them. As opposed to me, Who keeps my hair cut short, wears jeans and superhero t-shirts and carries a 9 dollar purse from Target. And am married to an exceptional man who loves me and accepts me for who I am. And when our insurance kicks in, we are going to seek a diagnosis for my little boy, who is obviously "different". But I do know that he will never be belittled or mistreated for it, and that "home" will always be a safe haven for him.

So as I don't know you, I can't say whether or not you're a "snively little richboy" but I do know that money changes people and screws their perspectives on what's important. Maybe not your parents, but certainly their friends and those around you. I certainly prefer the small rural community of other rednecks like me to my mom's snotty, self-important bunch that have thier own little world that has no room for real problems like autism.

It is interesting because i live in the UK so we have the nhs, which means getting a diagnosis is free (although t does require probally years worth on waiting list to see someone from camhs) So from i can tell it does not change in terms of class. In fact i got a scholarship to a private school where i was the only one with a official diagnosis where as when i went to a normal school there actually quite a few neurodiverse people. This might have just been due to other reasons because the 2nd school had an autistic specialist so parents might have chosen for their children to go their. Im not sure

I don't think there is anything wrong with wealth. Trying to become rich is a very strong motivation for me. It's the only thing that allows me to tolerate having to be around NT's

it was either come to terms with success being out of my reach, or go crazy.

I feel a lot of this. I wouldn't call my family particularly wealthy, but we have shelter, all the food we need, drinkable water, a nice house, and enough money to live in a pretty high standard of comfort, along with internet and cars and all the other wonderful staples of first world life, which I'm aware makes us a lot better off than most of the world. Even then, I do often feel pretty sorry for myself, with all the struggles, stress and loneliness of life with Asperger's. I can't shake the feeling that I'm complaining over nothing and should just appreciate what we have. So, yes, I can understand where you're coming from completely. But the fact is, we do struggle with many things that most people we interact with don't, so that does make life harder than it is for some. It's understandable to feel some sense of misery about it. I'm not the best person to ask as to whether we should feel all self-sympathetic over it - I tend to feel pangs of self-hatred over that - but I can understand completely what you're wrestling with.

Best wishes,
Jack

It's OK to feel your own struggles. They're your own struggles, and the feelings are your own. Pretending the struggles don't exist, or pretending you don't feel these feelings, doesn't really help anyone. It doesn't help you, and it doesn't lessen other people's struggles.

It's also good to think about, or make lists about, the things for which you are grateful. When I do this, if I don't feel the emotion of gratitude, I try and really imagine the things on my list, making them more real to me in that moment. I mean, the words, "nice computer" don't make me feel good. However, if I think about all the fun and interesting ways I use the computer, then I'm more likely to start to feel the emotion. The same might be true of "nice house," "good money," " "good family," or whatever applies to you.

being a socially addled non-first-worlder in the first world can be a major stressor, as the bulk of first-worlders just don't get or don't wanna get how tough it is to be out of place in the first world.

I sort of know what you mean. My family's been relatively OK for a few years, and my dad has his own CIH consulting business. When I was younger, my mom was always threatening divorce because of money issues and my brother who is bipolar and is manic/depressed/violent/ and abusive at the same time. In my Early childhood, we had WIC and some other programs I think, and my dad worked 2 jobs and was gone most of every day. Before I was born, it was even worse. My dad was discharged from the US Army with a wife, 2 kids, and twins (me) on the way with no where to really turn to. There was even a point where he filled out credit card applications just to get some free shirts. Tried applying for welfare, but they still claimed he made too much money for it. He then used his GI Bill to study Environmental and Industrial Hygiene. These days are fantastic compared to those days, but sometimes it can get a little tough every now and then. Especially when one of my cats ate some hair ties and rubber bands and he had to have surgery.

My dad used to work for the US Navy as a civillian and made around 6 figures, but that was still sort of a rough time, working 12 hour days. My dumbass brother was complaining to his friends and telling them how much my dad made. One of his friend's little brother went to my school. One time he told me that I "didn't know what hard work was because my dad made 6 figures." But those 6 figures didn't make the endless bills go away or the arguing.

I want to work hard to do mechanical engineering and maybe Carpentry on the side so that I can be at a financially stable point in life and say "hey, I'm alright."