I loved her...

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For years I loved her, cherished her even. Each day at school her smile, laugh and her eyes filled with the liveliness I lack gave me a reason to feel happy.

Even though she didn't notice me and wiped me off as a weirdo when she did I pardonned her.

But now, this person, who I thought he was an individual of a good kind, as he wasn't a douchebag. He was also shy, introverted. But not anymore. The two have formed a "couple". He stole her joy and magnificence from me. NOW HE GETS TO SPREAD HIS SEMEN INSIDE OF HER, SMEARING HER BODY AND CORRUPTING HER!

Now, I won't kill myself, as I am sure she wouldn't feel a tiny bit of guilt for rejecting my love and making a fool of me. If only there was a way to make her feel bad for what she has made me...

Tat's lust. Love is just wanting the other person to be happy, regardless of whether you're even they're friend or not. huge difference between a crush and love. I had a huge crush on a girl for years, but that developed into love and now I don't even care that I'm not with her. We're not even friends right now, but I know she's happy and that's all that matters. Difference is, crushes are more possessive.

"If only there was a way to make her feel bad for what she has made me..."

That's not the right way to think about these things, but I've been there - with my ex-girlfriend.

The rest of what you say is dark, somewhat creepy self-reflection on what's happened to you.

DailyPoutine, I've already seen you say you're already well-aware that girls your age just plain suck, and I completely agree.

Heck, girls about MY age really aren't much better either.

I wish I could just tell you to focus on your studies/other parts of life, but I'd advise against falling into that trap.

As beneficial as it is to focus on your own life and not worry about girls, that is an unrealistic thing to ask of you and it is perfectly normal and natural to focus on girls, as long as it doesn't take over your life or make your mental state deteriorate.

I've had a few extremely bad obsessions that resulted in a deterioation of my mental state into near nervous breakdown territory - not something to ruin your life over, as mental breakdowns CAN be permamnet, but luckily aren't always.

Next time, just look at how dark and twisted what you're saying right now sounds, and see how that might drive girls away from you. Even if you can hide this negative side, girls your age would see it eventually even if you did get a girlfriend.

I've already said this in past posts - I saw a lot of my younger self in you, heck, even my self of last year. Aggressive and filled with borderline sociopathic hate (don't mean to insult you, just being blunt and honest), but I recoverd, am enlightended now and can see the light.

You've got a lot of potential still to stop yourself from going down that dark road and instead becoming a good person with a positive, healthy outlook of the world.

Good luck.