What should I say to my newly diagnosed teen?

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Hey teens,
This is a mom writing. My 13-year old daughter has always struggled with communication and social issues. This year, things got really bad and she was hospitalized for depression. She just completed a bunch of testing, and it points towards Asperger's. We haven't told her yet.

Can you give me some suggestions of things to tell her that will help her to understand and/or accept this diagnosis?

Thanks in advance!
LexMom

She might understand and accept it a lot more easily than you excpect. Chances are that she has felt very 'different' for her entire life and had no explanation for it. Now she can have the relief of knowing that her differences are really not her fault or something that she has any control over, but knowing what's going on is a golden opportunity to learn better ways of coping and dealing with life. Much better to know now than to find out 20 years later as in my case.

I suggest you look around in these discussion forums.

Two popular themes are:
1) My life is much better since my diagnosis; now I know I'm not crazy and I can understand and accept myself for who I am.
2) I wouldn't want to be "cured" even if I could be. I like my unique interests and lifestyle.
___________________________________________________________________________

'Autism' is simply an internal human 'normality' with the volume turned up. We all have experienced moments when we aren't quite aware or when we are too aware to handle the world. Or moments when we aren't quite aware of the company we are in or so overly aware of it that it gets hard to function. We all have had times when we've had hardly any awareness of our bodies, even been out of them, or felt so in, weighed down by them, that we become hypercritical, eager to escape, tune out, or disappear. We have all had times when we've lost the plot, the why, the what or been distracted by the meta-reality inside our heads to the extent that we are suddenly jolted out of a daydream. So too, have we all had moments when we have been so aware that we have taken things in ... almost overwhelming, extreme detail. For me, the experience of 'autism' is not any of these things in themselves, but rather the frequency and extremity with which they are experienced and the degree to which these experiences affect how one expresses oneself and relates to one's inner world and the outer world. It's a matter of whether you visit these states or whether you've lived there.
from the Foreword to "Autism and Sensing, The Unlost Instinct" by Donna Williams

tell her shes adopted that could be fun


i was diagnosed maby 4 years ago but i only found out what AS meant a few months ago ............ my suggestion would not to make a big deal out of it ................ cus nothing has changed, she is still gonna have the same problems, but unlike my mum maby give some description of it

Give her a book about it to read.

Personally, the one thing you don't want to do is make a hugely overdramatic deal about it, but be a bit serious.
As it was said before, she may be just fine with it.

Direct her to this website and I am sure that she will find answers to her questions.

have you told her yet?

I think she will probably appreciate knowing why she feels different.
Try to read about it from reliable sources beforehand, so you can understand what AS is and how it applies to her. She might want to know as much as possible about the why and how, so be prepared, but try not to put it off for long.

Be careful about what book you chose. It is essential that it not be construed as a disease. Make sure you refer her to and use positive resources, like this website.

I'm not saying you should necessarily do the book thing. I'm not really sure.

Well, for years i've been trying to find out what the heck was wrong with me, and i'd eventually just given in, thinking it was just me and it was all my fault. it was a relief when i found out about Asperger's, because now i have a reason for being how i am. She's probably be the same, and she can learn to live with it rather than trying to be someone she's not.

tell her craig nicholls has AS.

I think that she has a right to know and is definatly old enough to be told straightforward. I was 13 when I was diagnosed, and was in the room when the diagnosis was given. The neurologist asked me to leave but my parents had me stay. I felt bad that the neurologist didn't want to tell me about my own diagnosis as if I did something wrong or wasn't able to understand/deal with it. Ultimatly this is a personal issue, do you think your daughteris ready to know? If so then let her know. I think it would be helpful to do some research so you can let her know in an open discussion mannor where she would be free to ask questions should she wish.

I don't know how the right way to go about it would be, but tell her as soon as possible. Do not keep it from her, because that is the worst thing any parent can do. especially if she is 13, she has a right to know, and she is more than old enough to understand.

I got my diagnosis at thirteen and I was just fine with it.
It's not the end of the world so don't let her think that,
I would tell her: You were (possibly, if she wasn't ill at her early newborn days like I was) born with AS and I would never want to change you, that's what my mom said and it helped.

When you know what the problem is it's easier to help the person in question so that's not bad.

My mom's friend's son was recently diagnosed with AS, and not only did he (the son) understand, but he was ecstatic. He knew for a while that he was "different" but he didn't know why. And now that he knew that there was a reason, he was finally happy about it.

I was diagnosed when I was eight and when I was 12 I found the files in my parents room when I was looking for Xmas presents hahaha. I was angry at my parents for keeping it from me and I still am. The next year they told me and I was like, whatever, because I already knew. I hate it tbh. I hate it. My mom always talks about it like a disease, and generalizes, "People with aspergers..." Just tell her that theres different ways the brain works and her brain works in a way thats classified as aspergers. leave off the syndrome when you first tell her. sounds nicer.

and i was hospitalized earlier this year, too. it sucks. tell your daughter im sorry she had to go.

and in a way its better to know you have AS. i always felt self-indulgent, like, there's no reason for me to feel like this or to dislike all these people or feel so sad, you know? it kind of offers an excuse.