Has anything crushed your soul?

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Let loose upon all your unabashed, cathartic, self-pitying rants, my dear friends, for I want to know if anything has ever CRUSHED YOUR SOUL.

Having your soul crushed is an absolute loss of innocence. It is not like being driven crazy or made depressed by someone, or having your heart broken. It is a deep, internal, philosophical disillusionment that rips all child-like feelings of specialness from the very depths of your being. It happens to a lot of people. Most ignore it, some fall apart, and others gear their energy toward positive ends.

Being an AS idiot as I am, the only thing I ever had to endear me to anyone was my intellect. Being at the top of the class was crucial, as I was nothing without it. When I entered high school I encountered those creatures known as "overachievers", who were harder-working, faster, more competitive, and sometimes just plain smarter than me. I couldn't catch up with them, especially with my parent's divorce and six neuropsychological disorders to cope with.

I tried to befriend an overachiever and take an overachiever AP course. She was disdainful and I failed the class. I had never felt so worthless or felt more ashamed in my life.

Eventually I decided that this meant simply that I didn't have to be the best at everything. But in the intervening months I truly believe I was suffering from a crushed soul. Without academics I was a zero.

I can so relate to that para, to others I always seem strong and positive, but down in the depths I have been so crushed, that who knows if I will ever be free of my dark shadows...

My soul trembles still, for it was my daughter and curcumstances surrounding time, place and people is that which crushed the life from me. Was it a refelction of who I was, what I did or did not do which caused pain, distrust and scars which have still not healed? Was I just naive? Dare I speak of it?

I am sorry- I can not. The memories are painful - i can not breathe.

Has anything ever crushed my soul?
Yes.

One time my mother said that she wished I had never been born. It was the most soul-crushing thing that has ever happened to me. When she said it, it was almost like it repeated 20 more times in my head, each time it repeated I fell further down the black bottomless pit. I don't even want to think about it.

Yes. Several times. Don't want to talk about it... like some other people said.



But I am always trying to revive my soul, and heal...

My mother said it all the time. I still hear it in my head sometimes. I say it to myself. I was told I was stupid, ret*d, etc., etc. I was told how much I wasn't wanted - even heard about them trying to force my mother to miscarry while she was pregnant with me.

When I see people treating their kids that way, it is literally ALL I can to keep myself from walking up and B*TCHSLAPPING the parents. I want to ask them if they have ANY idea what they are doing to their children!?!?! Verbal abuse ought to be punishable just like physical abuse is - the scars are deeper and last forever.

The above has no comparison to finding unconditional love from a wonderful soulmate and then being told they will die - stage 4 cancer. Watching them suffer and die...and being able to do NOTHING to stop it or help them. That's almost worse than knowing you are unloved/unwanted in the first place.

I'm embarrassed. . . mine was so trivial. . .

MissPickwickian you are not an AS idiot. Stop measuring your worth against normal standards. I was for most of my life until DX not that good at functioning in society, then I 'became' Asperger and realised I am different and good at it. I was proud of my Aspie test scores, I know I am intelligent but it just doesn't show in a conventional sense. Trying to follow the crowd just doesn't work so well, accept your on the fringe and be proud of it. Find yourself friends who will accept and support you in interaction with society, (mine are a little of centre but brilliant).

This is probably a difficult time for you at this stage in life but you will find a lot of people who can advice and guide you through the NT obstacle course. I wish you well.

Yes many things, being AS and Socially Anxious has been a curse for me making things about 10 times harder. Me being ultrasensative has bleed a million times for stupid things, though the stuff thats recently happened has escalated to the point were most people would agree yes thats bad. Right now my soul is crushed, bleeding, lonely and aching to be filled. I feel its one of the most serious betrayals I've ever experianced. Im suffering here, theres not much I can do but try to destract myself. I've tried to go into partial seclusion. I really dont know.

Yes. However, I can now attest to the fact that you forget and completely move on after 7 years.

i thought people were nuts when they were telling me that 7 years ago. Four years ago, another three even seemed to long. But in the end all is well and it really did only take 7

Yes; it happened to me.

I've experienced this twice.

For the past six or seven years, I've been a sound engineer... and I grow very attached to the equipment I work with on a regular basis. It becomes a part of me, my mate even. This only happens with very few systems, the ones I work with almost everyday. So far, that has only been two that got to that level of platonic love.

The first was in elementary school. I ran sound for my elementary school for about a year and a half, and after I left the school, they continued to allow me to come visit, and run the system for various after school events. Then one night, when I was a freshman, I rode the city bus all the way down to the school (a five bus, four hour ride) only to be told that I could no longer do it again. That I could never see that system again. That crushed me. I broke down, and to this day, still break down crying as I write or speak about it.

Two years later, it happened again. I started working for a church. I fell in love with their sound system. I worked there volunteer for over 40 hours per week for a year and a half. Then one day, they told me that they were "reorganizing" and that I would never be allowed in that sound booth again. That crushed me. I went out to the lobby, and started crying so hard, I couldn't stay on my own two feet, and I fell to the floor, weeping. Those wounds... they have yet to heal entirely.

I don't think anybody ever really heals from things like this. We just learn to cope. We learn to live with it, and deal with it in ways that make it seem like the pain is gone... but it's still there, and occasionally likes to show its ugly face.

-BC

Not really, but most of the horrible things that happened to me I was indifferent to at the time. When I told my mother what people have done to me, it certainly crushed hers. I get through what has happened in my past by believing that with my future actions, karma will kick them in the butt.

The only feeling that would come close is heartbreak, but that is more of a heavy sore feeling in the pit of your stomach. Sure, the guy obviously wasn't interested anymore.

But he did do something to me that kind of crushed my soul and made me feel worthless. It sounds stupid, so I won't post it.

last year i found out everything i belived in and everyway i thought the world worked was wrong and seeing the world i love being destroyed around me, nature lost, i believe this crushed my soul as i have stopped feeling on regular occasions, have still not regained the will to live and have been suicidally depressed and feeling worthless since then.

not really if what you believe is your image is taken away from you it can be very painful.