i just dont know anymore..... i dont leave me room.. i'm just not the same person i used to be. sometimes i feel like i'm screaming and no one can hear me..i just feel so alone.. like there's all these people around me who love me and are trying to help but my soul put up a force field that i don't know how to get rid of.
i've pretty much pushed away all of my friends except for kelly.. there's also Carlos and Shakeir but thats only because they were there when i really needed a friend..[[last year when i started westhill]]
even so, i don't even always want to talk to kelly[[my bestfriend]]. i've been trying to find a lighter [[no one seems to have one]] so i can light my candles.. i've been begging for peace .. i want my candles lit so i can feel more peaceful..
my dad's been trying to reach out to me. i like that he notices, but again.. something in me is blocking everyone away. we had a talk the other day about how he was feeling and about how i was feeling and it was very emotional, i was in tears and everything and it was healing in someway.. but it seems no matter what i do i always end up back in this state of barely surviving.. like i'm not living anymore.. i'm just breathing because its necessary..
_________________
So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep, I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
--The Used
16 Dec 2008, 9:57 pm
