Questions for Teens

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As a parent trying to help a teen with Asperger's I need help from some Aspie teens who can help me understand some behaviors. Do you ever have conduct disorder and get told you are disrespectful rather at school or home? And just seem like you won't listen? Why is that? Can any kind of therapy help this? And can any kind of therapy help someone with language on demand? Pragmatic language that is - on demand conversation.

yea i get called disrespectful, and act a little weird and unruly like i didnt hear what that person said. there isnt therapy to help this you kind of have to do this yourself, you have to talk to the kid, usually they'll say i dont know why they did that because they dont know why. sometimes ill do things subconsiously and not know why. communication is the only way to make a breakthrough with your child,and teaching them not to display bad behavior in public. read some of the articles we have here they might help you.

Being considered rude and disrespectful is common. Not listening could be a self defense mechanism to cope with something stressful or a result of tuning things out for a preservation. If it turns out that not listening is a form of defiance to continue with a preservation, then that is a scenario where discipline would be in order, though using restriction from a preservation would cause it's own set of problems. I don't know what you mean by language on demand. That sounds like something you would train a parrot to do. If you mean improving conversational skills and improving the abaility to express needs, then the cognitive facilities either might not have developed yet or just ight not be there for that. It will just take practice. It's possible that therapy might help, but be careful about going to someone who will use some sort of scripted responses. At best, you will get an ability to have short, superficial conversations out of it unless he eventually learns to improve upon the scripts. More likely though, the scripted conversations will only be meaningful in the environment of the therapist's office. Just get him to talk about something in his own way and get him a therapist to better understand social situations. Don't get too focused on his pattern of speech, becuse if you try to force one on him, he will have to eventually descard it (and likely the social skills with it) to be himself and express himself.

I find alot of the time when I was a kid I stopped listening to people because they called me rude or disrespectful and I thought im not trying to be so obviously the other people are idiots. The words rude and disrespectful didnt have any meaning to me other than meaning ẗhe NTs are telling me ¨ẅe are taking what ever you say as insulting even if you dont know what is insulting about it¨.
I think to teach things to aspys you kinda have to talk there language. Because most of what NTs say to me at least is superficial garbage that doesnt mean any thing. I dont understand how people can communicate with each other and not be talking about any thing and not be trying to share and information.

Any way this is just a take based on my own experiences.

It's notmal to be rude and disrespectful, but with a pshychiatrist and growing up, it should gradually go away. Your kid probably doesn't intend on being rude, he/she just may be because they are concerned with their own lives and may get slightly annoyed with interruption. Just remember to treat your kid with respect unless it gets out of hand, or maybe just sit down and talk to him/her. Godo luck!

At school I was one of the people who would do exactly what was wanted and I was never called disrespectful there, but at home my parents would always complain about how badly I treated them and how disrespectful I was to their needs because I never talked to them or anything like that. I just had nothing to say and they took that as an insult.

When I got to High school I was doing poorly. Basically because I was lazy and I stopped seeing the point of getting high marks. My parents assumed that it was because the transition from middle school to high school was too stressful for me (which it most certainly WAS NOT, mind you. In high school my peers were alot more civilised) then they thought I had a learning disability. It was in the midst of all this that they discovered that I had AS. Thing is, people would still assume that I had trouble with a school assignment when in fact I simply determined in my mind that the cost of doing it would outweight the benefits. They placed me in a Directed/Assisted Study hall where most of the 'help' I recieved was another teacher doing alot of the work for me. I was easily irritable, but I hid it from everyone except my parents and my directed study teacher. And they would often dismiss it as "oh he just doesn't know better" That would make me even more irritable.

I'm always being told I was rude or disrespectful by my parents because I have a hard time figuring out what is okay to say in anything like an 'informal' situation. For instance, last night I got into a bit of an argument with my grandfather on whether there is a future pluperfect tense in Latin (there isn't) and apparantly was disrespectful during it. I did not see this. He was wrong, I corrected him, he stood by his wrong idea, and when we looked up a site to verify this he misread the site as indicating that there was one (it was referring to translation of the future perfect passive tense). Apparantly, this was disrespectful.

Or, I'll list grievances I have with my mother in a public place, which is also apparantly disrespectful.

The point I'm trying to make is that I find it very difficult to determine what is and is not socially correct and I tend to consider everyone my equal in a situation where I know the person well. I usually need help determining when it is okay to discuss certain topics or when it is okay to in any way suggest that my life is in any way less than perfect. If your son is anything like that, letting him know after a social situation if he was disrespectful at all is a good way to help him out a bit.

Yea i do im 15 and just recently diagnosed i have heard a few different things about aspies usually along the lines of mean, uncaring, apparently not knowing the meaning of "sorry" and from my p.o.v. i hate to be told what to do

Whenever I'm listening to someone, they sometimes think I'm not listening, because I don't use eye contact as often as others. I also hate moments when I'm listening, then someone just stops talking or think that I was not listening, in which I actually was. Eventhough most of the time I am listening, sometimes I do get off track because I get distracted easily, but I think that this is a different case, like ADD or something; I'm not sure if I've got ADD, but I get distracted sometimes too often. Anyways, to help with not listening, it's usually best to try to get them to look because the times I'm looking I'll be even more likely to pay attention, especially when this aspie "tide" goes out. An aspie "tide" is explained in Tony Attwood's book "Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals", when a person with Asperger's Syndrome is one day extremely attentive in class, learns a lot, and even socialises a little in class; then, sometimes even the next day, they separate themselves from other people, are like a rock for learning, and are sucked into their thoughts and imagination. I'm like that, although I'm not sure if any other of you guys are or were. Another tip is to make sure that they don't think that you think they aren't aren't listening by getting to understand small cues, such as a nod or a quick yes or no or something when you are explaining something. That's what I usually like, to know that others know that I am actually listening, because I feel as if whatever I did was a complete failure or waste. Well, I hope that this helps.

Instead of being rude, I'm perhaps too polite. I will open doors, say my 'please's and 'thank you's, try my best not to offend and whatnot, people generally view me as courteous (but odd due to how courteous). At home I don't really talk to anyone, but my mother knows it's just that I have nothign to talk about.

I cry a lot if someone yells at me. I hate to be yelled at. It’s like the person who raises their voice at me hates me or something. I hate being accused even if I did something wrong. I don’t like to be confronted or talked to in an authority way.

Most adults think I’m talking back because I always find the need to explain my side when I should be quiet. its this that gets me into even more trouble so I get more upset and by the time it’s over I’m crying in the corner.

I've gotten better since I’ve been diagnosed. I don’t get so angry with teachers when they try to chastise me. I’m learning how to keep my mouth shut now.

with me i find that i only like talking if i want to talk and if i dont want to talk i wont but when he/she talks ake him questions or sit down with him/her and ask afew questions at a time even if its a nod its ok other wise i feel like im being forsed to talk about some thing i dont whant to talk about then later i will think about what my mum was saying to me. even thogh he/she wont say any thing his brain will be solving it out.

What I think.

If your kid is being called disrectful, and arrogant, it's because he feels like the person he's dealing with needs to earn your kid's respect, first. To me it seems like the person demands something from (respect) and gives nothing back in return.

And if he does bad in school, it's because he's bored and probably not challenged enough.

And if he never closes his mouth around you, it's because he feels the necessity to explain himself because he feels no one can understand you. If you accuse him of wrongdoing, and he won't shut up about what he's thinking, it's because he's trying to give a rational explanation for it. He sees everything as black and white, good or wrong. He's constantly searching for motives as to why he's doing this or that.

And please, please pay attention to what he (your child) says when talking. Please talk to him about important matters he's interested in.

I'm not trying to call you a bad parent, or tell you how to be a parent, I'm telling you this because my mom won't do any of this with me. And I feel like no one cares.

Your child is lucky to have you, really.