Realizing what your parents mean to you..

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I've never really felt much of an attachment towards my mom, despite the fact that I like her, unlike my father who's been gone since I was 6. All I've ever really had her do is buy my gaming software and hardware, take me places, sign permission slips, and I've hardly even noticed her..

This week, I got a really bad virus, the sickest I've been since I was about 3. My mom took off of her night job so she could stay home and take care of me. And I realized how much she means to me..

She's the only one who's been there for me, she's been working day and night for years just so we could afford to live in this trailer, and she gets maybe 3 or 4 hours of sleep most days. She's sick often, and all she has me do is grab her medicine or water for her, which I just hastily do and return to whatever I was doing.

Back when I was about 8, I was watching my older brother play a game, and I forgot to wake my mom up for work. When I remembered, it was about 4 hours late, at 12AM. When she got to work, she rushed, and she ended up injuring herself (I can't remember how), and messing up her thyroid.

She only recently got rid of the problems from that, but I realized.. I'm 15, she's 50; she has weight issues from her thyroid problems (which she can't take care of because she's always working), diabetes, she had breast cancer last year, and she has other stuff I don't even know about..

I feel terrible.. Like.. I've just been this shell of a person she's had to take care of through her own severe illnesses.. But, I just haven't felt any attachment towards anyone, including her. With all the problems she has, the only thought going through my mind is "I don't want her to die.. Please, don't let her die."

Right now, I'm stretching out my days off from being sick to get done the massive load of homework I have to make up, but I just can't stop crying about how bad I feel about how I've neglected her..

Has anyone ever gone through this before?..

I think most people experience something like this, NT included.

There is an old joke: "When I was 17, my father was the stupidest man I knew. When I reached the age of 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in only 7 years."

The joke, of course, is that the father isn't the one that learned a lot. In those 7 years, the son learned a lot and came to appreciate his father.

You sound like a great person -- you're coming to understand something at 15 that most NT don't really get until they are in their 20's.

i always have had this fear of losing my parents.not that i appreciated their work for me but the thought of losing them was my obssesive fear in many times.
But for past few months as i have seen them doing things for me which has bewildered me that i wonder if i could do the same for them or anyone else.so,i have started understanding my love for them.but as i am verbally not that able to express myself so there's very few ways to show affection towards them.
And yes your realization at such young age is really very thoughtful of you.