WHAT "sexual urges"?!

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In Victorian times it was considered abnormal for a person (especially a woman) to have sexual feelings of any kind. This left quite a few people alienated and confused, and was generally a bad, extremist thing.

In the 21st century, teenagers such as myself face the opposite problem. Whether it's MTV telling us to have sex or religious groups telling us to avoid it, the message is the same: we all want to do it every minute of every day, like rabbits or mayflies. All I ever hear is, "It's normal to masturbate", "it's normal to get purely physical crushes", "this is normal!", "that is normal!" Nobody ever told me that it was normal not to want to have sex when you're a teenager. Everyone was so busy pounding this "it's perfectly normal!" stuff into my head so that I wouldn't be "ashamed" that they ironically made me ashamed of NOT being a sexual person. And now for the story:

When I went to middle school I had already read some books about puberty and such and such. All the kids in middle school talked about sex constantly, probably as nervous bragging. At the mature, late-blooming age of 11 I was wondering what was so wrong with me that I didn't want to roll around in bed with someone making strange noises. After some inner torment, I came to the conclusion that I was a lesbian. Suicidal depression ensued.

Last year I got a boyfriend and endured the utter torture of making out with him so as to be a normal girl (I was not diagnosed with AS at the time). I liked him, but the physical contact that I had myself initiated was so excruciating that I broke up with him in a rather cruel manner.

I had to do an abstinence-only sex education program this year. The first question on the little survey was as follows, "T or F: I resist my sexual urges." My immediate mental response was "WHAT 'sexual urges'?!", but that was not an option. After some deliberation, I marked 'true'.

I am sure many asexuals trapped in this culture have gone through this confusion.

It is fine, even good, to tell adolescents that their little urges are not evil or disgusting, but people should take the time to say that not wanting to have sex is normal, too. I am 16, I think sex is icky, and I am NOT a freak!

Note: please keep responses clean.

No, you are not a freak.

According to statistics, the 16 year old boy will think about sex for one of every three seconds. I'm a 16 year old male though, and I'm usually not that bad.
Could have something to do with me being a late bloomer (14).

Sorry you were victimized by society, it is pretty bad. Even if you're not asexual, the act of sex has been cheapened immensely by society.

Here's my therories- Aspies mature very late and perhaps you are slow in sexually maturing, OR you have a hormonal imbalance making you uninterested in sex OR you are asexual.

At your young age I wouldn't hold onto any of those theories though. Just don't worry about it. Its no big deal if you aren't interested in a roll in the hay. Sex is what messes up a lot of young people's lives by making them not take college seriously or accidently getting pregnant. So not having sex can work to your advantage while you are young.

I used to think about sex a lot, but didn't sleep with anyone till I was 27. Then I went crazy and slept with a lot of people trying to "catch up" so I would appear normal and also get some experience. Unfortunately sex was never as fun and fulfulling as portrayed in tv and books. I always blamed it on having bad partners, but honestly I don't know. It just was never that much fun because the other person was always selfish, so now that I am older I seldom have any desire. Course that could be my hormones dwindling in old age. But I look at my co-workers and their sex fiascos and escapades and realize I am much better off.

So just be who you are. I think you got your head on straighter than most!

I can relate to nearly 100% of this.
I am 16 and have had the whole "sex talk" from my mother. She said to me..."It's normal to have urges, but if you want to have sex, just be safe". I said to her..."Trust me, I have no urges". Which she didn't believe and continued to say that its "normal"!
I also at one stage concluded that I must be a lesbian...but then I took away that conclusion when I discovered that people can be asexual.

How you describe it, MissPickwickian, is the way that I feel about sex in general..."Rolling around in bed with someone making strange noises"...is icky.

I was working with a group of folks that had been persecuted for their sexual beliefs (no, not homosexuals, though some of the folks were, and no, not bestiality or child inclusion). The group was convened for a show of hands sort of survey, and questions were asked about being discriminated against and people gave their examples.

I put my hand up and stated I had been subject to being segregated and discrimination for my natural impulses and lifestyle. I recounted how I went to small towns and saw the sign near the city limits stating it was a 'Families First' community, I explained going to dance, or to movies or especially dining "(is that just ONE of you then?" "Are you all alone?""will it just you tonight?") it is always seemed to be something I don't want to be because THEY would not want to be that way. There was only me at the movie theatre and someone came and sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I asked him to move ( my chair was warm) and he got all huffy that I ought to be happy not to be alone in such a big audiotorium.

My point here was that having no urge to merge is that it was just as much as a socially frowned on situation as any of the sexual issues the GROUP was having.

Their answer?

Go find others like yourself, we are talking about OUR being discriminated against, here.

LOL LOL

so yeah, I understand EXACTLY what you mean MissPickwickian.

Merle

i think its normal to have these urges, but also normal not to have these urges, everyone is different.

a lot of my friends talk about their sexual experiences around me and i think it bothers them that i never talk about mine, since i really have none, but even if i did have as many as they have, i really don't think i would talk about them much, since sex is a very personal thing. one thing that bothers me about males my age and their views on sex is that they are purely interested in the superficial things about it, i think sex is the deepest spiritual experience a person could ever have. i'd much rather have a meaningful relationship than a bunch of forgettable one night stands.

my good friend that i live with is terrible to women, he sees them as only sex dolls. he thinks I'm so weird for thinking the way i do and that love is for old people. sadly, this is the way most men think (and i apologize to you ladies out there )

I'm 16, and asexual. I don't understand why teenagers go all crazy about having sex! To me, it's stupid. My brother said I'll be an 80 year old virgin, and he's probably right. Sex doesn't interest me like it does normal 16 year old girls. Although I am attracted to males, I wouldn't have sex with one. Weird, but that's me.

I noticed how most of the people so far who think they are "asexuals" were girls, and to be honest its normal for girls especially below the age of 18 not to be interested in sex. A least thats been my experience. I've had a few friends who were girls and "icky" was the exact word they used for it. Plus from my own sex crazed male perspective your better off. Urges get you way to distracted and then you don't get to the things that you need to or that are important.

My urges hit me when I was sixteen and still happening to me now.

I don't understand how not wanting it makes you a lesbian..

Getting laid is like the least important thing to me in life. But to others, that's all there is to life. I don't quite understand it, but I guess I don't really care. @@

Nothing wrong with not wanting sex at your age. Last thing in the world you should do is make out with someone 'cause it's expected. You have to want to. Whatever you decide to do in the long run, don't worry about it now.

By the way, sex with the right person under the right conditions can be a lot fun. But pressure is not the right condition.

Hope that helps.
beentheredonethat.

i didnt have any sexual urges till i was 14 then it went crazy, your not a freak, not being like other people doesnt make you a freak. im still not very interested in sex because im not too bothered about having it or not fer a while, i just want to make sure its with a special girl when i do.

It's to much buzz about sex nowaday. If you don't desperatly want children right NOW then it's no problem not feeling sexual. Noone have the right to force it upon you eighter, so just let it be. Sex it not a crucial part of life anyway. There's no worries if you're not feeling sexual, at least not untill you start getting close to your twenties. Then it might be good to ask a doctor about it to check if it's your hormones.

It isn't normal to not want to have sex. Just accept the fact that you are special. After all, what's so great about being like everyone else after all?