What do spend most of your days thinking about?

Post Reply New Topic

Just wondering if any of you are obsessed with anything...

I'm obsessed with Spokane and Benny & Joon. AS & autism is my other obsession too.

DVDs and Doctor Who.

Whenever I feel sad, I buy a DVD.

Unfortunately I have 1869 now and I only started in 2000 (or was it 1999).

at any rate, it's scary 'cos I'm obviously depressed a lot.

when i was small i had a great collection of toilet paper rolls, they were thrown away by my parents because they didn't know what they were for.
right now i like collecting photos of bridges from the internet. so yea... that's what i think about, bridges... and sometimes i spend hours imagining myself drawing a maze.

I think/worry about the future and while I plan as far as time is concerned their are some things beyond my control and I have yet to accept that life may very well not turn out the way I want it to have been in the end.

I worry that while I may have a decent job and do well, perhapse earn the American dream, nice proporty, decent house, nice things, financial stability I want my life to have meaning, I want children and a family and I want to be happy throught my life. I worry I will never meet the girl I am suppose to shair my life with, I worry I will have no children and fear the day it becomes to late. I worry as I get older rather then life getting better it will get worse, I will see everyone I know and love move away, have familes and better lives, or die and in the end I will die old, desperate, alone and truly fear within me that as I look back on life, my one true shot on Earth, that I ruined it, never to get another shot, and that my life in the end had no meaning.

This is what I think about, alot.

For the past few days AS and Autism have dominated my thoughts, because I only recently found out I had it. It's alot to take in. I know give it a couple more weeks and my thoughts will move on to other things. Cuz there's always something my mind is thinking about, my mind will think about one topic like crazy, then move on to something else.

I think about how I am never going to get the 3.5 GPA that I need this quarter of college because while I can get A's in my classes I'm interested in, I'm never going to get the "B" that I need in my calc class, no matter how much I study and stress out over it. I wish I wasn't trying to stay in such a competitive major program at my school. Then I get lonely because I'm spending my Saturday nights trying to force myself to study derivatives, then stay up all night contemplating what I should do when I get thrown out of my major (which is not calc-based at all). I don't know how I'm gonna tell my parents, and if ever I tell them that I'm struggling and that I should drop the class and try to take it again next quarter, they just yell at me and remind me how much out-of-state tuition is costing. Because that is gonna make me LESS stressed . My older brothers had trouble in school because they were too lazy and didn't care and now my parents seem to think that my problem is that I don't worry enough about school. Then when they get done yelling at me they say, "We just get so worried that you're gonna screw this opportunity up. You really need to spend more time on your homework." I feel like rather than spend more time on my homework, it would be much easier to just jump off a building. But then they would just be more disappointed with me, and I don't want that. I just wish they could accept that I'm not an exceptional college student, and it was unfortunate that I got high SAT scores. They think I have this "aptitude" and I'm just not realizing my full potential, and if I would just put in an OUNCE of effort, I would be excelling.

Sorry about that, it probably doesn't make any sense but it made me feel a little better about things.

Football.

Elves.

What type of elves - little ones or big ones?

What i should do to distract myself that my mind dosen't scream "no!!" to. Habits works best.

Day-dreaming that I'm a jedi or what I will be when I grow up. (If I grow up)

halo 3
jedis
drawing on isometric graph paper
dreading work alot