Just need to get it off of my chest

Post Reply New Topic

Things aren't going well between me and my wife. I'm not seeking advice, maybe some commiseration, but mainly I just need to type this out and post it to get it off of my chest.

I'm so damn tired of the "You have AS so you didn't understand what I meant" BS. It has turned into a license for her to do and say anything she wants to me and then snap back at me if I react. I'm not a f*****g idiot. 7 years with the woman, I know damn well what she means.

I'm also tired of the same arguments over and over that only end in coerced apologies that mean absolutely nothing when behavior patterns that instigate the issues never change. She had the nerve to tell me recently that I am not willing to change anything about myself. WTF? She's seen me lose weight, learn a new trade, and get promoted 5 ranks in 3 years in the civil service system, and that's just the recent stuff. When she said that our relationship died.

I'm now only with her because we have a son, and right now that doesn't even feel like reason enough to keep going like this.

Yeah, there are 2 sides to every story, and living with an aspie is definitely no cakewalk, but I no longer am willing to take all of the blame for everything.

I'm the one who works, and I come home at the end of the day and nothing is done, there are piles of laundry everywhere and I can't tell which ones are clean, the kid's diaper is full, the house is a complete disaster, the kitchen is a s**t hole full of unwashed dishes and discarded food in the sink, she's at her computer with her headphones on playing WoW and talking to her little guild friends, and has the nerve to ask me to order dinner because she's too busy to f*****g cook, even though I have Celiac disease and ordering out means a f*****g salad and maybe some fries if I can find a place that doesn't fry their breaded stuff in the same oil, oh, and, of course, it's cold out so I guess I'll be the one walking the goddamn dog.

"You're NT! What's your f*****g excuse???"

I know I've posted elsewhere about the sex, and it was great, but the love switch got turned off. Now I have to figure out if I can act NT in bed. Viagra?

I'm so tired. So damn tired.

Give her an ultimatum. If she doesn't get her head out of her ass, it's finished. Kick her out if you have to. Don't argue about it. Be direct. You have to let her know that her sick little mind games have come to an end.

yes not all aspies are great
in fact I can think of but a few
there is no excuses, AS is not something that can make her able to sit on her ass all day
I'm aspie-I cook (not too well) and clean, point is its not something that makes her so she can't do anything
give her the choice man

she doesn't have asperger's anyway

stop paying her WoW bill...

i play wow too (uldum)... have had the longterm bf and we both played wow... it can be consuming and maybe that's not the source of the issues, but it's definitely an easy out.

im sorry... i have been there too... though i never knew of AS when i was dating people... but i totally understand the habits you are speaking of... i never understood why they were alway my fault... why i was always wrong... i always broke down (generally after 3-4 yrs and just left... never had kids though...

My wife is a lot like that, but she doesn't play WoW. Life after children is very different to life before children and it takes a long while to find appropriate balance. You and your wife need some quality time out. You need to rekindle the love and friendship before you can start sorting out duties. I've plugged this before, and it's not gonna be everyone's cup of tea but it saved my marriage and I'm eternally grateful.

Worldwide Marriage Encounter

As I've mentioned before it's run by the Catholic Church (I was very wary of that because I'm not religious at all) but it turned out to be very good - and much better than counselling.

Also - what age is your child...(terrible twos?) It sounds very suspiciously like your wife may have Post Natal Depression. She won't be aware of it - and your life will be a complete misery until it gets dealt with.

It looks a little like WoW and game addiction is part of the problem, so you really will need to get firm about it. Is their any record of how much time she is online, and how much do you see her playing it? The unchanged diaper isn't a good sign, it's more like an red flag, in my oppinion.

One thing you can get tough about is the fact that the kid's human waist actauly can make his skin red and sore because it doesn't get dry for a long time, holds bacteria, and keeps his skin moist. If she keeps laying excuses for play time, obviously she needs to play alot less.

The diaper is definitely a red flag. I think every parent has missed it on occasion, but if this is regular, it is a sign of neglection. It can lead to bad rashes and to skin infections. It can also cause urinary tract infections.

I would definitely talk to her about this, but I would also document this for awhile, because if this comes down to a divorce and you have this documented, then it will be better for you.

As for records of how much time she is on, there are ways that can be obtained. You can install a monitor in stealth mode that will monitor her activity. In the event of divorce, a lawyer can subpoena time logs from Blizzard to see how long she is on.

I do appreciate the feedback and input guys. I had hoped that I could vent and let it all out and then when the dust settled I'd find that I was blowing everything out of proportion in true AS fashion, but it's just not the case. At least I'm calm about things now.