I'm gonna phrase this as gently as possible...

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You are your own worst enemy.

Not really. If he chooses to act like an immature brat (I can somewhat understand his frustration up until he threw the expensive watch out of the window. That was just spiteful, childish, pathetic, uncalled for, whatever you want to call it) he should be treated like one.

My family are quite critical, too- my grandparents, especially, make my life a misery sometimes, and they've certainly done worse than *gasp!* prompted me to order in a restaurant and told me off for 'stealing'- but there is NO way, even at seventeen, I'd act up and hold a grudge against them over such a trivial matter and wish them dead.

He probably never will, if you never choose to give yourself that same respect.

To me you dont sound evil.
Hell, if a few packets of ketchup was lying on an empty table on MCdonalds, i would grab em too. its not stealing, its recycling:P

Wow. I think similer things about my Grandpa that I wish he would die already.

I think you should get him back by treating him as a non-human as well. and if he doesn't like it. Too bad for him!

Maybe so, but it will lift a TREMENDOUS weight off my chest. As I said to someone else here, you don't know my father, sir. If anything, he thinks that just because he's getting up there in years, he has license to be immature and childish.

I reserve forgiveness for people who DESERVE forgiveness. If my father had realized from the start that I was born a f**k up, he'd have thunk twice about giving me disciplinary slaps to the face as a kid. I'm my mind, he *enjoyed* it.

Although, I did do something back when I was 11 that I'm still proud of, in one aspect. That night happened to be my birthday, but even that didn't stop him from spoiling my evening by giving me a hard slap over something I don't remember doing. But I hit back hard, in another way. Later that same night, when he went up to apologize...

I told him, *right to his face*, that I hated his guts, and I would continue hating him until the day he died.

The hurt on his face...was so exquisite; then I calmly laid down for bed and bade him goodnight, waiting for him to show himself to the door. He did...

Well, that at least explains where this spite originates at least. I made that promise to myself 24 years ago, and it's still the oldest promise I've kept faithfully.

As far as I'm concerned, forgiveness is for church.

Both you and your dad over-reacted. Just discuss the whole thing with him openly and honestly, I think both of you need to understand each other's point of view better. This is not something you should have vicious hate towards your dad for, you are behaving more like a 15-year old then a 35-year old, get a grip on yourself.

You are a jerk.

Man! You're f****n' 35 years old, man, you should appreciate the fact that you're parents are still taking care of you, feeding you, and putting clothes on your back! My dad tells me not to do s**t all the time, he gets in my face, but that doesn't make me want to kill him! What that makes me want to do is WORK, and SAVE MONEY to get the hell out of my house, and get my own place. Until then, it's my dad's roof, my dad's rules, and I best respect him or he'll kick my ass out of the house so fast that his footprint will still be on my ass, when I'm begging for change on the street!

Man, if you don't like your dad, why don't you do something about it! Get a f*****g JOB! You sound like an angry little baby! Learn some f*****g respect! You have to be the one to settle things, admit your mistakes, appologize and MAKE PEACE!

You be thankful for what you've got. You sound like the most hateful, spiteful little b***h they're is. I'm surpised your dad hasn't beat your ass black and blue, and put you in a f****n' coma!

*raises eyebrow* Are you SURE you're an Aspie? I thought for sure you'd understand where I'm coming from.

And trust me, I would get a job, if my state's ability to take care of mentally handicapped people on the workforce would improve. As it is, I'm still trying to find an affordable place like an assisted living project to move into. I gotta get on the ball and get on my caseworker's ass about that.

I'll tell you what though; if he's willing to apologize for the 'jelly incident', and for all those countless times he cracked me in the face with an open palm, THEN I'll apologize for being a hateful little b***h, and THEN I'll forgive him.

Hello...

Now that I'm a little calmer, maybe I should tell you guys and gals a little detail I forgot to mention earlier.

Maybe my dad might have gone too far with being a hard-ass, but that's because...his own father was so rough on HIM when he was a boy. My paternal grandfather came from Britain, and old school Brits were very heavily into discipline, made sure their kids didn't act up, and had much more degrading punishments to dish out. Dad told me once that when he was 10 and acting up at the dinner table, his father had made him eat supper in the bathtub, under the logic 'If you're going to eat like a pig, you can eat in the bathtub like a pig!'

After remembering that story just now...maybe...I SHOULD be grateful for getting old school discipline/corporal punishment, because it's made me a moral person. Nowadays, a parent's idea of punishment is "Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done." That's pathetic, living in fear that if your spank your kids now, you're gonna go to jail for assault.

So, in a crazy, symbolic kind of way, maybe I do forgive him, because that's the worst trap in the world to fall into: promising never to be like your father in the discipline department, but wind up being so anyway. That's probably how I'LL wind up too, if I don't get rid of this venom in my heart.

P.S. - My apologies to any responders who've labeled me as a hateful jerk, because I never considered once that other members here might have been 'abused' FAR WORSE then I have, physically, sexually, or psychologically. I'm sorry...

I found your last two posts interesting.

I still think you are what I call your own worst enemy.
Not to take away the things you say your father has done to you, and the pain you have felt from it...

But it seems it's too hard for you to move on from it.
Hopefully you will be able to move out soon enough and life will start to look a lot different for you.

Does your father do anything worse to you? I wish my step dad was dead, or at least left my mom. He threatens me & my mom, treats both of us like we are retarts, he's racist, sexist, doesn't have a job and only gets money because he has heart problems, he loves to pick up fights, complains about me and my friends 24/7, sends my GRANDPARENTS AND I porno pictures, uses the little money he gets for his stupid nascar racing s**t, acts like he knows everything, etc. I have MANY MANY reasons to wish him dead. If your father only does that, yes it is wrong and stupid but one thing cannot make someone wish a death upon someone.

*hugs* I feel your pain. My sincerest hopes that he kicks the bucket soon, and makes life easier for you and your mom.

And no, aside from the disciplinary slaps and....omg...SHOVING me when I was 10 years old, right in front of my mom, hard enough for me to smack my head against a dresser, my dad's never done anything worse.

You see folks? THIS is the reason why I can't forgive him! Every time I'm on the verge of finding it in my heart to forgive him, something else from my my past that he did to me that wasn't too cool, pops into my mind, which fuels my venom more!

'Unconditional love'? What a crock of s***...

I dont think that you are mean spirited at all
I am suffering, atm, images and thoughts about how to kill my dad. I want him dead.

Sorry for the long absense, but I'm in the hospital for a Crohn's flare-up, so I was unable to see how my little poll is going.

I'll be back in a day or two...

(why'd I have to swallow those dimes back in September? )

Usagi1992