Recovering from a failed suicide attempt

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Yup, it's true. For several years I've gotten depressed enough to come up with a plan, but until last week never put the plan into action. I took a bunch of pills, some of which were tricyclic antidepressants which can cause a fatal cardiac arrhythmia. I stood and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and purposefully swallowed a handful of pills. Then about 15 minutes later, for some reason completely unknown to me, I called 911. The next thing I knew I was in an ambulance and they were starting an IV. I passed out again and woke up enough to drink charcoal (yuck) then passed out again till the next day, only to find a babysitter in my hospital room and a telemetry monitor on my chest. Then I got to spend 3 days in the double-locked psych unit, which was a nightmare - there is a huge stigma against mental illness even among people whose job is to take care of us.

Anyway, I have lots more to say about it but don't have the energy to write much more, but mostly I'm posting this just to let people who do think about killing themselves, to not do it. I almost died. I don't have any feelings of joy or happiness that I'm still alive - my life still sucks and I still have no healthy coping skills. But I definitely won't try to kill myself again. It's not an option.

Aylissa, I'm sorry things have been so bad. I can only imagine how much pain you must have been in if you felt the need to end your life.

I'm glad you're still with us. I hope that we can play some part in helping you come back to a place where your life feels genuinely worth living. Please PM or IM me if you ever want to talk about things - even if it's just to unload.

Thats terrible.
Although it's great that you are still here, well, I think so.
It's great that you called 911. Obviously, somewhere in your brain, you had thoughts of wanting to live which is a good thing.

I tried to overdose on pills once too and agree...it's not a good idea.

I hope that you are still getting support and help from therapists/counsellors/doctors for your depression. I hope that eventually, you feel glad to be alive.

terrible...

but if you do try again make sure to go to the toilet first.

Well good luck.

Mmm... the more I hear about that charcoal... the less appealing it sounds.

Glad to hear you survived. Hang in there.

I was so stoned I was able to chug it down really quickly. Being an ex-ER nurse must have helped me know to do that despite being high as a kite.

The stuff also has an ingredient in it to get the pills out of your system as quickly as possible, which means diarrhea. Yuck is right.

I'm trying to develop an attitude of indifference towards the future, as much of my depression and anxiety are related to constant worrying about the future. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't know if I'll get hit by a bus today so I may as well *relax* and live in the moment. Hard to do after all these years of constant brain-swirling negative thoughts.

I'm glad you pulled through! o_o And I wish the best for you as you work through this!

I won't give you the "it will get better" jazz. When I was planning my own suicide eight years ago, the very reason I couldn't seek counseling is because nobody would take my concerns seriously. Simply because one is depressed doesn't mean they are out of touch with reality - if anything, research shows they are MORE in touch with reality. It's sad that so few therapists will address these issues beyond throwing medication at them. -_-

If you can find a therapist to take your concerns seriously - concerns about your LIFE and your FUTURE, not just your symptoms - it could help a great deal. And kudos to you, looking out for others who might be considering the same mistake.