Bored and sick of life...

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Ok...

I think something is wrong with me, because recently I tried to kill myself, bought loads of paracetamol and ibuprofen even though I DON'T want to try killing myself again....

I'm really depressed at the moment, as you guys know if you read my posts here, and I'm getting really sick of life. Nothing good ever happens in it, and I am fed up of waiting for something good to happen.

I am at college now, right, and my daily routine is this -

Get rudely woken up by staff, told to get up now otherwise I can't go out later on (in the evening), forced to go to lessons where I spend the whole day just sitting there staring out of the window or insanely bored on the internet... I get back, go to my room, lie on my bed staring at the ceiling until I fall asleep (and if I don't fall asleep, I'll occasionally go out).. and then repeat the next day.

This is no life. It's just... a boring existence. In fact, I don't feel like I'm alive at all. It's not worth it any more.. I can't be asked waiting for something to happen.... I'm gonna die of boredom soon....

Don't say stuff like that because everyone has a purpose in life. Even killing yourself will that bring happiness to anyone? Answer is no because you will only sadden those who care for you the most.

Do you have any obsessions? Can you use them to help get yourself more interested in life again?

Boredom is agonizing.
Won't they let you go wherever you want on the internet?

Even I have a purpose in life. If Sid has a purpose in life, everybody does. :O)

You just need to find something to do that you enjoy. I'm not talking about finding a purpose of the meaning of life or some crap like that. Thinking in those terms seems to only get you more depressed I've found. Pick up a sport or a hobby at some point to take your mind off things. For now, just change up your routine some. Make it a point to make every day at least a little different than the last.

What was it like when you use to be happy?

I know exactly how you feel. The difference is that my life is actually good compared to most standards - I have a good job, a nice family (even if they are in a different country), my physical health, I live in a lovely place. But I just cant get any enjoyment out of life at the moment. I have regular things that I do and I keep doing them - I have realised if I just stop and give up that makes things worse, but I dont enjoy them. I try and do something I used to love and its just passing the time.

It was particularly bad today - I dont feel sad or depressed or in pain like I did a couple of years ago, I just feel nothing - life is pointless and everything is an effort that I cant be bothered to make. I dont wish I was dead (that is far too much of an effort), I just wish I didnt exist. But then occasionally - like this evening, things will lift a little and it becomes more bearable. I went swimming - exercise is certainly not a cure all, but as it is one of my regular things I do it anyway and if it only leaves you with a sense of achievement or relief that its finished for today, then that is something. I would recommend exercise definately. Doesnt always help though, and Im afraid that I cant really help you. Because life is ultimately pointless - I am aware of this even when I am happy. And it is a delusion that most people have most of the time to think that it is worthwhile.

I actually mentioned how I had been feeling this nothingness ever since coming off my antidepressants (I dont know if its a result of coming off medication that my brain has got used to) to a friend today, and she implied that it was up to me to change things. And it is true that I dwell on negative things too much. But how to stop. I cant control my emotions, I cant be bothered any more to put effort into anything. Is it really my fault that I am like this? I know I am weak, and the depression and the treatment of it have made me weaker (oh people say how negative experiences make you stronger, but its not always true - a few years ago I had strength, I had dreams and ideals and the determination to work hard and try and make friends, now having failed miserably both at work and in social life I can hardly be said to be stronger - its yet more negative reinforcement). And here I am being all self pitying and even weaker. The only thing I can say in comfort? is that you are not the only person that feels that way. And try to exercise and go and walk in some beautiful scenery and listen to some nice music. And perhaps you need some medication (yes it does really work - when I was on it I was happy all the time, its just chemical, but now Im off it I want to try and get my brain back to 'normal' again rather than restart taking it), but try not to take it for so long that you become dependent on it like I seem to have done - in the short term it could give you enough energy to be able to change the things that you dont like about your life, and you can get back into the 'delusion' that its all worthwhile.

Good things don't just "happen" to people. It sounds like you aren't making any effort to change your situation that you so badly want to change. Without any effort, how to you expect for things to get better?
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's the truth.
The first step to making your life more lively is to get help for your depression...which is probably the reason why you aren't enjoying life in the first place. Once you get help for your depression, you might become more motivated to implement the changes in your life to make it more exciting and not so mundane.
Talk to a counsellor if you aren't doing so already.

P.S: Every life is worth living.

The horizon is out there somewhere, and you just keep chasing it, looking for it, and working for it." - Bob Dole

I don't know...
I remember laughing, and lots of fun trips out.. but not anymore.
Oh well.. guess I'm gonna have to go and get some help then.

Im the same way Katie.

My fun comes from taking trips to places every couple of years. The interim is annoying but the trip itself is quite worth the wait

Katie,

I know how you feel, i've been going through it for the past six to eight months. It never really got better, but i'm learning to deal with it a little bit more. Try picking up something you enjoy or makes you feel good about yourself. For example, I lift weights to help with my self-esteem. What do you enjoy doing? What makes you feel good about yourself?

i know how you feel my boyfreind recently has started playing bat and ball with my heart by stringing me along and dumping me and not contacting me i also don't have many freinds just recently i feel like i wanted to end my life it's getting better but i still feel it, just think of the positive things you have in your life it really helps me
hope i can be of help

I don't know.... shopping?



But seriously... I like writing stories. Maybe I should write some stories. Yeah.

Hey Katie I just sent you a PM. . .check it out