Post a random negative fact/belief about yourself/your life.

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I'm a s**t daughter and girlfriend and probably sister too. I can't do anything right and I just push the ones I love the most away the farthest and when I try and make things right I inevitably do the opposite. I can't focus, I can't get things right, I'm a selfish stupid girl and I'm not going to get anywhere in life.

Bah.

I just made a total ass of myself to Helsinger and Quatermass
Sorry guys
*slinks away with her tail between her legs*

No matter what I'm about to do, I worry that I'm going to screw it up completely. People like to imply that I should do something extra, or that I should already know how to do something I don't... so now I bug people for detailed instructions every time they ask anything of me. I'm pretty sure it annoys them to death. It annoys me too, but I can't break the habit.

I say mean things that I think are nice and helpful. I hurt people without knowing it. I talk too long about myself and what I'm interested in. I'm inconsiderate of others, and especially when the want to speak. I can't keep friendships. I hate that I don't understand social ques. I hate that I'm not normal.

i've joined all the wrong groups and lied to myself with choice friends i've made. i'm extreeeemely shallow and love all forms of fast food. i think that the fast food industry has really beneficially added to the economy. artsy movies are totally boring and definitely need to lighten up.

i grew up on a potato farm where ole maw would wake me up at 5 in the morning and we'd go milk the cows. ole bessy was my favorite cause she and i saw eye to eye. we'd talk for hours and she'd just listen contently. the horse and cows would go out to graze and i'd graze with them. i especially liked the grass when it was still tender and dewy. afterwards, uncle jack would come over and we'd have ourselves a good ole fashioned hoe down.

i have a horrible imagination.

I am narcissistic.
(I care for others too much sometimes to my own detriment.)

I am ruled by fear regardless of all of my efforts not to be.
(I move through fear anyway... to various effect. )

I am judgemental.
(I am indignant with those who judge others.)

I am angry.
(I mean no harm.)

I am afraid of success.
(I have succeeded.)

I have learned too well that dignity often has nothing to do with survival.
(I am still standing.)

I am jaded because of my own bad choices.
(I accept responsibility for those choices.)

I am sorry if I have missed the point of this thread. I saw so much pain here. It is good to vent, but do not dwell. There is always a counter point, a swing in the pendulum that is 'self'... that strive for balance. I am sorry if I am chiding. This is my way of reaching out to help. For what it is worth.

Polyamory is not all that it is cracked up to be.
I am too covetous of my other friend....

I feel that mainstream society can choke on itself, for all that I care.

Whatever I do, it seems to make people dislike me. I am strange and fear that people think that I am dangerous. I can't keep up friendships and atm my attention span is too low even for IRC discussions. I lack any self-control if it comes to eating and lack the motivation using my free time for learning.

Based on what's been happening over the last month or so, I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually lower functioning than I've always considered myself to be, and whether I'll be able to make it in life because of this.

I have a lot of inner turmoil. But on the upside it's giving me plenty to write about.

I eat a lot of burritos so I have dump several times a day and it sucks.

I feel inadequate because even though my Mom priaes and complements me often, I don't feel any conviction in her words. It feels like she's putting on an act and I'd rather take no praise over false praise.

I don't show my artwork to my family because I think they're biased against me to like it unconditionally. They can't see what I see and so they can't understand why I say an arm look awkward or the perspective's off.

I want constructive critcism but the bias leads only to this continuous liteny of praise that sounds horribly forced to me. My confidence is low enough without feeling like you're sparing my feelings so just stop.
There's only one person I want praise from and it's my father but the man saddens me so completly that to even look at him is to envoke all those feelings of helpless abandonment he instilled in me from the time when I was old enough to walk.

You all say that as he's my father, I an automatically obliged to keep in contact with him. Because I am his daughter it is my manditory duty to play the part of "dotting daughter" and forget the fact that he was in a drunken stumpor for most of my formative years.

Everyone expects me to warm to him, to call him Dad and talk to him on a daily basis.

How can you expect me to show love or feel affection for a man who is little more than a stranger to me?
A man who was never there to great me outside the school gates, a man who never engaged me as a father to a child, a man who spent most of his time passed out drunk in the years I needed him most.

He was never there to offer advice on dealing with bullying. He never tucked me into bed at night or read me any bedtime stories. He never dried my tears so how can you expect me to have a relationship with him when he never made any effort to have one with me.

I have explained my feelings countless times before and yet despite everything, I am the one made out to be the villain of the piece. "But he's your father. He's not getting any younger." You say.

"Why do I want to waste my adulthood when he wasted my childhood?" I say.

You will never understand how I truely feel no matter how hard I try to explain so please don't force me into a relationship that serves only to damage both parties, one that leaves me feeling so wretchedly meloncholy it is all I can do to even look at his photo let alone talk to him.

I cut him out of my life for two years in which I was reletively happy. He has been nothing but a negetive influence on my life and I polietly request that you respect my wishes to have nothing more to do with him.
I do not want to waste any more time or tears on a father who clearly never wanted to be one in the first place so don't force me.

You just don't understand.

*sorry if this is too heavy. I've been very down lately and I needed to get this out so apologies. I'll move it it's not appropriate*

A certain member (I won't name names, I think I read somewhere that he was banned) added me on MySpace. I thought he was an alright guy, and he did act pretty nice to me, but after his myspace got deleted, another member here said he was sending her nasty e-mails, and also I found a video he made today titled "whingy autistic sp****cs" (directed at a youtube member who doesn't "whinge", persay, just state the facts about autistics in NT society, IMO). He's probably been mocking he behind my back this whole time (probably on you-know-where).