How am I supposed to feel in this situation?

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The man who molested me for years when I was young is going to jail. I realized a few years ago that I'm permanently messed up because of it, but at the same time decided to put it out of my mind and just be done with dealing with it. I had never told anybody about what he did to me. Then when I heard about him again everything came rushing to the front again. I've talked with my wife and my mother. I've told all that needed to be told and said all I can say. The thing is, I don't know how I feel about it all. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Any guesses?

No one can tell you how you are supposed to feel. There is only how you do feel. It would be good perhaps for you to see a counselor who often deals with PTSD. That way no one you know or who knows you will ever know what you said.

I've read that such experiences are common. You need to move on and try to get past all this, but thats always far easier said than attempted.

Why don't you consider seeing a therapist a time or too. At the very least, it will give you a safe person to talk to, someone you shouldn't need to second guess about their motives for listening or how their opinion will change when they hear your thoughts

Glad to hear the perp is being punished! It sounds like you are somewhat numb about what's happened in the past & what's happening now. Maybe you could try journalling about what you're thinking regarding the past & the present? It could be a start. I don't think there's any right or wrong about what you should feel. These things happened to you, & it's your right to feel any way you want to (whether it's anger, sadness, happiness that he's in custody, etc).


I was molested too! Wish I knew what became of the jerk who stole my childhood. But I never knew his real name, & the last I heard, he moved far away. Hopefully he never hurt anyone else again.

Good luck!

Thank you. Society tends to influence peoples opinions on how they are supposed to feel significantly-via the courts, psychologists, etc. See the whole "The victim doesn't know she's a victim" quotes and similar.

Those were from the other copy of this post. I didn't realize it went through twice, and didn't get around to fixing it.

I've been to see my chaplain, and he said I did the right thing by talking about it now. I still don't know exactly how I feel about this. It was one of my uncles, and the rest of the family is pretty blown away by the news. Nobody ever suspected anything. He started with me thirteen years ago and apparently only got worse. I want to be happy that he got caught. I want to feel guilty that it took so long and who knows how many other boys got destroyed in the process. I want to feel angry that it happened at all and that my family has to deal with it now. But none of those have come. I could compartmentalize it away again, but I think I would rather resolve it the best I can right now.

Thank you for all the support and wonderful suggestions. I have another appointment with my chaplain, and he might refer me to mental health. I don't know about writing a journal, but it's worth considering. Thanks again.

rekiol, There's no reason for you to feel responsible for anything pertaining to what this person has done to anyone. You were and are helpless to control that so why should you feel guilty about something you have no power over? I know the head-trip because I've been there. Try your best not to put something upon yourself that doesn't belong. There has been enough of this already. I hope your family supports YOU because that's what you deserve. The perpetrator deserves to be exactly where he is. This is hard for you at so many levels. That's why it has to be boxed off that way for now. Just trust the process you are in. Place no judgement upon yourself for any aspect of how you may deal with it. I hope your family is being supportive to you. I think you're handling everything just as you are supposed to and need to for you. Trust yourself.

I agree with Lelia that no one can tell you how you are supposed to feel. I don't know if it will happen to you, but my emotions changed quickly-numb, mad, scared, hurt etc. I just wanted you to know in case it happens to you. I am glad you have people you can speak with. I'm guessing from "chaplain" and sandbox that you're military overseas: perhaps your mind is kind of prioritizing right now. It has a bit to think about already and might not get to the new stuff for a bit. Just keep looking after yourself.