Something is REALLY wrong...

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don't know how i'm going to explain you all exactly why i feel... english isn't my first language...

some minutes ago, talking to a friend, we were discussing the VMB's awards results (VMB = Brazilian version of MTV's VMA awards), which they stated some commercial bands as winners at diverse categories such best videoclipe of the year, band of the year and all those stuff. i haven't anything against this or that band who won that award, but the feeling that i have as a musician is that something IS REALLY wrong on music. we have these people doing their music on mainstream, winning awards, claiming theirselves as the 'best band of the year', blah blah blah! of course if we get more into the reasons of why musical marketing is so f**king rotten, we should see all the business and advertisement people taking over of all it, that all works based on numbers, budgets and all, not on music, those people doesn't know what is music, how to make and feel and made from... so what could move people as me, which doesn't fit the profile of mainstream artist of making music? probably the passion of doing it. that's ok, we have it! but our passions, obsessions and inspirations doesn't buy any house or sardine's tincan. At september 1st i met one of my idols in music and that was really gorgeous! he was so nice and we've talked a lot at his workshop, but he said something i hated in particular "you must act with music like a plan B", meaning that we couldn't wait anything secure from being musician. well

i don't know what i have to do... i'm not that profile of artist (mainsrean one) and i'm also not that virtuoso. i'm just someone who lives to do the thing i love the most - music. my odd music, which some use to state "it's a s**t" and anothers "it's funny" and even "it's odd". what i'd want and i urge for, is that i would like to do my music without someone's interference or point, without sidetracking me with something i consideer useless, i just can't get enough that... i'm losing the will of doing everything... my voice is odd, i'm not the most beautiful person in the world... just someone who lives to love music.

sorry for the ones who didn't get any word of what i wrote... just needed to get it off my chest...

yes, i am a lot into music too, when i was mixing bands the other week i thought to myself "what is it about music that requires such a big ego?" and the truth is, nothing.

the music business requires a big ego.

but music itself is free, it only costs the time to make it, the time to play it, and if you can get the audience of two people for two minutes of their lives and captivate them, at service to the music then you've done a pretty fantastic thing.

be at service to the music,

but yes, we do generally live in a capitalist world and we need money to live, so not expecting to make heaps of money with music is ok. if your idol had to teach a workshop it probably means that he needed the money, teaching is a staple for lots of musicians,

but just do what you can do

i believe that when we do something which comes from the heart (in music), the audience shall come around and and appreciate it, as one of our's capacities is really to express what you and your public are (amongst many other things). yeah i'm the service of the music! and i don't expect to be rich or such a popstar... what i believe it's completely unfair is how people from 'musical business' (WTF!?) promotes the music. they don't care if you make good music, if you're skilled or if you make an original work. they search for the ones with a beautiful face, appealing attitude (pretended?) or if their music suits good as merchandise, such like those things...

at the moment i'm undergraduating as musical teacher and i love to teach some subjects of music. i hope i can save a bit of money doing it, but here in brazil isn't like usa or europe. music teaching here isn't valued (no job placements and worth salaries)... that's the life