What is wrong with me?

Post Reply New Topic

So I'm sitting here at work and my mom calls my cell phone. "I have bad news. Your grandmother passed away this morning." And all i can think is "f**k now I have to go to a funeral and deal with all this crap." All I say is "Ok, bye.". I feel nothing. Just like I didn't feel anything when my other grandmother died last year, or when my grandfather died in 2000.

All I can think now is...if I can't even feel attachment to my own family what chance do I ever have of feeling attachment to anybody? Happy valentine's Day? Yeah right.

You know, I'm not sure you don't have a type of affection for your Grandparents...I just think people with ASDs are more realistic about death.

BeeBee

Hi, I'm sorry to hear of your loved one passing on....they are loved ones who loved you back.. Do you miss the ones who have passed on? Peace.

It just really bothers me, and I guess it's made worse by what day today is and my trying to ignore THAT all day. It just seems very bad that I feel worse about the tought of, say, my cat dying than I do about the loss of family members.

Good thing tomorrow afternoon is my weekly therapist appointment.

Hi, Well then tomorrow see what your therapist has to offer about your feelings.. I agree with BEEBEE, in that we just accept these events and go on handling it stronger than others. I feel this way because I know there is another place of perfection and beauty for those who pass on..With each religion, it is different, but I just feel comfort that they lived their time on earth, created families and legacies, and now they are on another plane, another level.. Your mom may really need you at this time, and to please offer her your shoulder to cry on , or just your ears to listen to her.. Death is hard for everyone, we are here for such a short time....Peace....

HI, Just thought of something as well...our oldest daughter is going into nursing. The instructors have told them they need to feel empathy, not sympathy for their patients.. I thought that was very interesting... Iam really trying to seperate the difference between the two, as I feel great sympathy for others, with emotions, but empathy is understanding the person without the emotion, such as ,"I know what it is like to be in your situation"..Peace.....

Funaho, I know how you are feeling. The same situation happened to a couple of months back. I just was very quiet when my granddad passed away, and looking back on it, I really miss him, even though I have no attachment to him.

I'm really sorry for your loss, and I hope everything goes alright.

I can relate to how you're (not) feeling. I"ve had several relatives pass away and felt nothing. My father passed away last year, and I didn't feel anything until Super Bowl last week, when it hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried for a while. For less than a day - and I loved my Dad.

But grieving is individual and we definitely can't compare ourselves to NT's in this way.

The lesson I've learned is that we feel what we feel and it isn't healthy to "should" ourselves. In other words, don't say "I SHOULD be feeling grief or sadness..." That just makes you feel worse.

I don't think you can make a connection between the fact that you haven't grieved and your ability to have relationships.

Sympathies to you hun --

But I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. Loads of people place this crazy expectation on us to behave a certain way when something happens. It's like, "let's see who can have the most major emotional breakdown after a sad event, in order to prove how humanitarian and in touch with our feelings we are."

It ain't relevant. Look through and see the truth of the situation instead, and I'm sure if you did go the funeral, then there would be lots of people just being quiet and normal. It's not necessary for everyone to go through the whole emotional encyclopedia.

All the best.

Condolences for you and your family's loss.

This is exactly how I feel. From reading the above replies it seems that you aren't alone in feeling like this either, so don't fret too much about it.

This is true, but I find it very hard to do. I'm going through a stage now where I think I should be upset and sad because I am constantly asked if I get sad and think about a death that recently occurred. There's such a high expectation placed on everyone to feel very emotional after a death - why is this? It should be just a time for people to accept that a life has been lost and continue living their life instead of getting caught up in the grief. Obviously not everyone can do this but still..

Agreed.

I used to tear myself apart all the time for not feeling as I should. What was wrong with me? And at the same time, outside observers noticed that I was going more or less nonfunctional. For example, when we were planning the trip to my sister's memorial, my daughter wanted me to rent a car and I told her - seemingly rational - I was afraid to drive on San Francisco hills. Which had nothing at all to do with the situation; just my brain diverting the grief.

Everyone in their own way.

When my first grandmother died, I was attending a camp for prospective Engineers who might be attending UWA after graduating High School. I got pulled out just after dawn on the last day, and all I could think about was how could my grandmother die at just this time and ruin it for me. They had actually delayed the funeral a few days so I could attend both, but I didn't realize it at the time. I didn't feel anything at all about it, then or since.
When my second grandmother died, I didn't feel anything for weeks. I'd lived with her for the previous 3 years and looked after her. She'd ring a bell when she wanted me, and she was really annoying. At the funeral, I didn't feel a thing. A while later, though, while lying awake in bed one night, I started feeling sad about it. I don't think I'd ever felt that way since, though, I have experienced other emotions after that. It feels very strange.
Don't worry about not having felt anything. It happens to all of us. A lot of people here would tell you they'd feel a lot more about their animals dying than other people. It seems to be normal for autistic people.

I agree. You are not "required" to feel anything, if you're not feeling it. Simply being there to pay your repects, either verbally or silently, is enough. Feelings are very personal, and NTs understand that, so no one will insist on you joining them in the grieving process.