I lost it....

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Today, at recess, I completely lost my mind at a group of NT friends I have, and I never experienced as much anger as that in my life. I'm furious that they always never tell me what's happening (like when the next party is, and so on), and I would always have to work it all out myself. I had a massive argument with them, and I'm at the point of not being friends with them. I'm also tired that they don't understand me, and some of them just label me as a "psycho" and spread the news around the high school about what happened. I feel completely alone, as they don't understand how I feel, and I'm the only Aspergian student in my school. I feel that I can never relate to them, and that I shouldn't have met them in the first place.

At the moment, I'm thinking over if some of them can forgive me for how I reacted. I know one person can't, because I tried to apologise, but she wouldn't accept my apology because she feels that the situation would just happen again in the future and that there is NO point in apologising if I feel angry at her again in the future...

these people don't sound like your friends. I think you should just forget about them and find some new people to hang with. Some people who will accept you as you are.

That's all I really want them to do. Most of them are really supportive and have a faint idea into why I am the way I am, but I am very tired of having to always decipher what is going on. Also, I really wish that the minority can accept me as I am, but since all of them are NT's, I guess it is not going to happen anytime soon as they will never understand...

I talked to a very close friend of mine about it last night, and she feels that I should ease up and try not to be so hard on myself. But because I also have depression as well as AS, I admit that it is a very hard to keep positive.

Anyway, thank you for responding, and I'll see if I can find real people that can respect me for who I am.

Hey, I went to a high school with a bunch of NT friends and no other Aspies, and I was very close to them. They got that I could be a bit 'off' and would run off at the mouth about dogs given half a chance, and they supported me in everything. They even put up with MY mood swings when I had a nasty case of depression in middle school. In turn, I helped them out whenever I could. It was wonderful.

Then I moved and have been relegated to IM convos with them, as I still haven't managed to find someone that I can fully trust enough to call them 'friend.' Sigh.

The point I was trying to make is that good friends, even good NT friends, DO exist. You just have to find them (and hope that they're THERE).

Your'e right. I shouldn't loose hope, as I never want to go back into a suicidal mood again, like I did a couple of months ago. But the problem is, why they eventually understand? And are they willing to put up with me a little longer? I certainly hope so.