Hello 333Onfire. It is hard to offer advice when it comes to a situation like yours. There seems to be a lot of things happening to make you feel bad lately. But I can say something---even though it may seem hard to believe---it could be worse. Now I don't expect that to make you feel better, but let's deal with your issues, but keep in mind I am no therapist or anything---but I do have Asperger's---and I can relate to you. I am also a teacher of the gifted and I see stress a lot in the classroom. So here it goes.
First---venting is good. Whenever you send your troubles for others to see and perhaps respond to---it is good. We are listening and sympathizing with you. We also have problems, but it does seem like it rained on you a bit heavily lately. But it will get better---and when it does, you should feel like a weight has been lifted.
Second---You did a course with your church and you felt better. Now, due to the stress, you are going downhill. But remember, it is possible for you to be up (feeling better). The church course must have offered you advice to deal with things. Can you recall how they got you to feel better? When things start to settle down in your life, can you recall those course things and feel better again? As the old song goes, "I've been down so long, it looks like up to me." In other words---it has to get better soon, and you will be on your way up to feeling better.
Third---Your brother's pancreatic problem is a concern. That can develop into bigger issues if not treated. However, your brother is in the care of physicians. There are numerous things that can be done to make him feel better and get him on the way to recovery. That condition can take several months to get under control---but it should go well. There is a lot that can be done for him.
Fourth---The car broke down. That is an inconvenience, but it can be fixed.
Fifth---Your Dad broke his hip. It will heal. Again an inconvenience.
Sixth---Your job cut your hours and you are done there in two days. There are other jobs. Can you get unemployment if you need to? I wasn't working a regular job until I was 23. You will get a job. Think positively.
Seventh---Your mother should do fine with the medicine she is receiving for her stress and for the loss of the uncle. Sorry about the uncle.
Eighth---You don't have your license. Can you get a license? If not, and you need to get places, how did you do it before? Can you catch a bus/cab? Do you know people that can get you places?
Ninth---You live at home. Well, at least you aren't making house payments for a house you have bought (I don't think). That's not that bad---unless you are looking for your own place right now. I lived at home all through college and didn't move out until I was 25. That's not uncommon for us Aspies (I lived with my parents until I was 25).
Tenth---You have no clue what to do with your life. When I was your age I was in my third year of college. I had switched my my major from mathematics to psychology. I had no clue what I wanted to do yet. Then, I decided to be a teacher of English. So it took me an extra year because I had switched majors three times. You're just 21, you have a lot of time. Don't worry about that. Whether you are in college or not, that's no big deal.
My dream in life was to own an amusement park complete with roller coaster, dark rides, and carousels. And you know what---it happened. I do own an amusement park. In fact, I own a whole town. But there is one slight problem. The town and amusement park are 1/87 full size. In other words, it is HO scale model railroad scale. I never got my real amusement park, but I did get it in a less grand way. You have grand ideas. Don't give up on them. If you find you can't make them happen, re-work them into a more manageable form like I did. If you want to be a Hollywood actor and you can't get a movie part, try out for your local theatre's upcoming play. I don't know what your grand ideas are, but I think you get the point. There are always other things you can do that are similar to your dreams even if they aren't as grand.
For example, I wanted to be a world famous musician also. Well, I doubt that's going to happen. So now, I am beginning a ministry around local churches, and I play my hammered dulcimer for them. I have also begun bringing inspirational stories of hope to the churches. I am also including my two close calls in life in those stories. I nearly died in 2004 due to a blood clot. And when I was born, I got tangled up in my cord for like 45 minutes. It was wrapped around my neck and I was delivered by C-section---a bit on the blue side. I survived, but I attribute my autism to my birth.
May I suggest that you keep a journal of your daily happenings and feelings. My wife suggested I keep a journal after my last therapy session. Therapy can help. I am 44 years old and seeing a therapist about social issues due to my Asperger's/autism.
Another thing---try to focus on the good things in your life. I have begun to try that. It has taken a little effort on my part to do that, but it is quite easy once you get in practice with focusing on the good. Take that good, and let it drive your life.
I don't know if I have made you feel better or not. I am deeply concerned for you as should be evidenced by the length of this reply to you. I do care.
Whenever I feel bad, I play in my mind the motivational stories of Professor Carl Hurley, "the world's funniest professor." He is great at making you feel good. He tells funny, but true, stories of his growing up in eastern Kentucky. Most people can't help but laugh along with him. And as he says, laughter is good for us and makes us feel better. "No matter how bad things get in your life," he says, "you might as well laught at it." I try to take that advice.
I hope you get feeling better. I hope your family gets better too. Please...please...keep in touch and let us know how things are going. Oh, I just saw your second post here. Yes, my stims and social anxiety get much worse under stress. I think that is common with all of us with stims and autism.
17 Dec 2008, 11:47 pm
