Why is it so hard?

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Why is life so hard sometimes.

I wish my family were nice to me . I don't want to viset them anymore. My abuse therapist thinks I shouldent cut ties with them but I want to.

I dont know why they hate me? why do they treat me so bad?

I just want a family thats nice to me, a real family , why is that so hard ? why cant they treat me with dignaty, Why do they hate me so much?


Do any of you know what its like to feel like this? How do you cope?

I really wish my mother would show she cares, I know she does deep inside but she wont show it. And she has copd and is going to die from smoking.

My father never cared, he beat me and now is just verbaly abusive.

I don't love my father, he isent my father in my eyes, he never was.

Maybe you should build a better family out of just-you and whatever friends/pets you have. You don't need to limit yourself to your birth family. Maybe adopt a grandma/grandpa either by visiting at a nursing home or helping out an elderly neighbor - that's what my mother did, she adopted the lady next door. And my mother was a world-class b*tch, but she walked on water as far as the lady next door was concerned.

Don't sit around with your needs unmet waiting for your family to straighten out their act - they may never choose to change. Take responsibility to meet your needs whatever way you can - be flexible.

I don't know how or why, but I grew up with bad times as well.

It is hard being alone, I have no choice though. They are out of my life, for the better.

To live with only created family, can be lonely at times, it is worth it every inch of the way.

I live with as much respect as I deserve. Only those who respect me, and who I respect, are around me.

Curious, is it really that common for aspies to have such a hard time with their families not being intelligent enough, or loving enough, or honest enough to open up enough to understand what is really occurring around them?

Just-me, the people on WP are my family. Maybe they can be yours too.

what kaliMa said.

I think I know what your T is getting at. Separation is a process, and ppl who try to +make+ it happen by severing contact often end up stunted bc they're still very attached in ways they don't suspect. But - how much contact do you have? Self preservation is essential!

(p.s. I no longer have contact w my bio-donors - and I'm VERY glad I didn't rush the 15+ years of evolving my way of relating and reacting to them that led up to the quiet internal 'well, it looks like that's it.')

(p.p.s. Have you heard of Al-Anon? There are some real nutjobs there, but if you can find a mostly-solid group, it might be a source of learning about family-of-choice vs fam-of-origin.)

You have seen by now that you can't change people to be how you want/need them to be.

If your situation has become untenable, you must get out.

Don't try to change anyone, not even yourself, but try to find people that you do get along with, and hang out with them. They do exist, but may take a while, and some effort to find.

When you move on, don't ever regret the past ... it is part of your life experience and you can derive positives from it.

Make your own future, and make it to your liking.

I wish you every success. And there are enough of us here that care, to help you when you stumble.

what kaliMa said.

I think I know what your T is getting at. Separation is a process, and ppl who try to +make+ it happen by severing contact often end up stunted bc they're still very attached in ways they don't suspect. But - how much contact do you have? Self preservation is essential!

(p.s. I no longer have contact w my bio-donors - and I'm VERY glad I didn't rush the 15+ years of evolving my way of relating and reacting to them that led up to the quiet internal 'well, it looks like that's it.')

(p.p.s. Have you heard of Al-Anon? There are some real nutjobs there, but if you can find a mostly-solid group, it might be a source of learning about family-of-choice vs fam-of-origin.)

Oh, Just-Me, not to change the subject but you started a thread recently that you had moved into a new place with Just-You. How is that going? It seems from this thread that your family is still having enough contact with you to mess you up. I'm sorry to hear about that part of it, but you seemed really psyched up about the new place.

Oh, and BTW, I meant to just build a new family and minimize contact with the old, not to create any big drama telling your family that you're cutting them out of your life. No need to alienate people who could later be useful - don't burn any bridges you don't have to. I have always had trouble with my parents but once when I was about 25 they let me move back in with them and saved me from homelessness. So even though you can't imagine their being nice to you, they might surprise you someday - no need to burn your bridges! I know that sounds machiavellian (sp) but that's just the way I am-I don't have enough other people that I can turn to for me to cut off anyone I might need later.

And, TotallyAlone: "bio-donors"

i wish i could offer some advice. just hang in there