Is Avoidance the same as Quitting?

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Is avoiding a situation that stresses you the same thing as quitting altogether? I previously wrote that I signed up for a class based on previous experience with the teacher and what the course description implied would be covered. After registering, the teacher sent me an email explaining that if I wanted to pass, I would have to participate in class discussions and make eye contact during the oral exam. I went to her and explained why I don't like to make eye contact, and why class discussions are particularly stressing for me. I reiterated that I enjoyed her previous class, and we reached an agreement wherein she would prompt me for any questions I had written down about the reading, and the discussion could go from there.

Then, after the time for any sort of monetary refund had passed, I was told that I needed to complete a 20 minute presentation in addition to the oral exam. And that it had to be verbal. I could not make a 20 minute video, I had to actually get up in front of the class and speak.

This terrifies me. It stresses me out. I told my parents that I wasn't going to finish the class, that I was going to drop it, and they freaked out. I tried to explain to them how I felt, but it just hasn't worked. I just don't like speaking, and I don't like being forced to do something that causes me so much stress I shut down.

So, am I just being petulant, or do I actually have a case? Am I just being afraid and not facing my fear, or am I failing at my attempt to mesh myself with a world that doesn't really accept me yet? Is dropping the class to avoid huge amounts of stress and pressure just quitting? Or is it how I see it as healthy? I am just really confused and upset and not very happy right now. I like the class. I love the material. I just don't like to talk.

Last edited by dexkaden on 01 Mar 2006, 7:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Your profile says you have a diagnois. Is there someone at the school who you could talk to about accomadations that could be made. It seems like you had a deal with the teacher and she changed it. You should save any email that deals with it. People have sued under the Americans with Disibilty Act over less. But there should be some type of admination type that deals with such stuff and they probally would rather avoid that situation.

You have to remember in the real world if you want to use that course, you will have to speak in front of people.

The world won't change for you because you're different. Changing the course requirements for you is leading you into a false sense of security, because that is not what the world is like.

You should really go and see the disibility service person if you want to discuss your options.

Ask the professor if you can write up your presentation in advance and then read from a sheet of paper. That way you don't have to come up with the words in real-time. If the teacher objects, play the diagnosis card and talk to the disabilities office or an ombudsman if your college has one.

I know the world won't change, and it's not really changing the course requirements, it's adding course requirements AFTER I signed up. If I had known in advance, I probably would have just audited the class, or even not taken it.

I know that it takes practice, practice, practice to get better at something, and I have been practicing. The week before she dropped this hell, we held a practice oral exam in her office and she critiqued me, told me what I was doing better and what I needed to work on. I was able to speak "normally," because we had a list of questions that I prepared from.

The presentation itself is not the problem, it's the "Has to Be Verbal" part that I don't like. If I could even have my laptop up there and do some sort of powerpoint presentation with a little (or long) video thrown in (that I make myself), the talking part wouldn't be as bad because it is broken up and relatively short. Plus, I've found from previous classes where presentations were required, if there is a video, people don't mind as much if I'm a terrible speaker because the video/audio sticks in their heads more than my mumbling, stuttering, nervous speech.



I don't think she'll go for that. I asked her if I could do a powerpoint presentation and read off of my computer, and she said, "No. I want this to be like you were briefing the President of the United States on economic policy."

Okay the conversation went like this (and it was an actual conversation in real life, not over email):

ME: Um, about this, uh, p-p-presentation...uh, this wasn't in the course description or s-s-syllabus, and I was wondering if, uh, if I really had to do it, or if it was, uh, if it was optional for extra c-c-credit?

HER: It's not extra credit, it's required. Don't worry, you'll do fine! You did really well last week! (Referring to the practice oral exam.)

ME: Yeah, w-w-well, see, twenty minutes is a long time and, I, uh, I...

HER: Don't sweat it! Just pretend you're briefing the President of the United States on his economic policy. No pressure. (She laughs.)

ME: (I laugh, albeit nervously) Ma'am, but I am not, not, not presenting anything on economic policy, I am, uh, supposed to talk for twenty minutes on a economist. Why would the P-P-President want a brief on that? And, um, see, well, can I make a video or a p-p-powerpoint presentation or something? Does it, uh, have to be me standing there, t-t-talking?

HER: Yes. Would you have a video to hand the President in a crisis? It needs to be just you; no notes, no computer, no paper, just Know How. (Again with the self-congratultory laughter.)

ME: Actually, I carry my l-l-laptop everywhere, so, um, yes, chances would be good that I would have s-s-some sort of video to show the P-P-President if he, for, uh, some reason, decided that he w-w-wanted a briefing on a, uh, on a economist. And in my, op-op-opinion I don't think this is very, f-fair. I like economics. I f-find it f-fascinating, and I know that at some p-p-point in my career I will have to sp-sp-speak in front of p-p-people, but I like to think that I w-w-will have my computer there to help. T-T-Talking is very dif-ficult for me, and we have discussed this before. I was under the imp-impression that you were aware of this dif-ficulty, and that's why we, uh, why we were w-working on p-practicing.

HER: This is non-negotiable. I know you can do it. Why don't you believe it? Why do you need a crutch like a computer? You're brilliant. I see it, your peers see it, but why don't you see it? Why don't you share it? Talking is a part of life, and no matter how much you it, you can't successfully avoid it. I'll reverse the order, and you can go last, but you have to do it in two weeks. You can do it.

ME: Please? I, uh, I-I know, but, uh, see, I, uh...please?

HER: No. Two weeks, then? And I know you can do it. You've gotten a lot better already. I enjoy having you in my class. I love reading your papers, but you can't just write. Sometimes, you have to talk.

ME: But, uh, just, just, just like that? N-no computer or n-notes or...but...ah, okay then. Th-thank you, P-P-Professor.

Just like that, stuttering, stammering, yammering, not making sense. I talking. And this is the last semester I'll be at this school, which does NOT take federal aid, so I do NOT have any sort of legal recourse. It is the last semester I will be at the school, so I am probably just going to cut my losses and cut the class. I'm working full-time and doing part-time school, and I just don't need the stress. (And she actually said the "brilliant" part, which I don't really agree with. I am smart, but Einstein was brilliant.)

But my parents view it as quitting. They take the side of my professor, and I just feel very misunderstood and alone at the moment. I feel misled, actually.

Get a text to speech program and have it talk. would that count ?
And ask the teacher if she would make some one who needs glass to not use them. She is struck in the it works for me why not you mode . You will have to teach the techer this simple lesson

I never thought of that! That's an awesome idea! At least that way the robotic voice won't stutter! You're BRILLIANT! I don't think she'll like it, but I'll ask anyway. All she can do is say no. And maybe I won't ask. Maybe I will just do it and see what she says afterwards. I really don't think she understands where I am coming from.

I can only offer my sympathies. Presentations cause me to have a major anxiety attack and literally fall to pieces in front of people. I did do it the last time i had to but i at least had a piece of paper i could read from, i doubt i could do it any other way and yes i did hide behind it

I sorry some people just don't get it unless they can see something physically wrong they just tell you to get over it. I only had to do one prenstation in college it was in aquaic biology luckaly there were just 7 students and it was still aweful the proffessior couldnt belive I had gotten so far in in school without having to do it before. There were lots of pauses,ums,and stammering. WE had to answer questions about it tooo by then my eyes were closed and I pretended I was only talking to one person. After I went home and slept at least 9 hours.