wtf is wrong with me?

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I hate people. Not completely. But at some point or another, I hate everyone, including my so called best friend. He has done nothing to deserve any hatred. He's the only friend Ive ever had who's been there even when everyone else has turned against me. Even still, I hate everyone Ive met. Im fully capable of pretending to like people, but I dislike doing that because it feels very much like lying to me, and encourages people to talk to me more, which I generally dont like. The reasoning for me hating everyone, I think boils down to me having so many pet peeves about things people do. Theres so many, that it's nearly impossible for me to spend time with someone without being annoyed/irritated by a million and one things. With this knowledge of myself, you'd think I'd be able to change. However, it just doesn't seem to work that way. Sometimes my hatred for people gets so bad, that i start to get homicidal and/or suicidal thoughts. I never act on them of course, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. They just run as a background process, haunting my thoughts. In addition to all that, I have phobias regarding strangers. If I am in an elevator with people I dont know. I start to get panic attacks. If I walk past someone who's walking the same direction as me on a sidewalk... I suddenly become very concious of my breathing and hold my breath the entire time I'm passing the person. I start to sweat, etc... But other times, I feel fine. I feel alone in the world, and sometimes think to try again to like people, just to regret it. All this and more causes an almost constant depression for which I've found only one cure(but I'd rather not go into what that is here, it'll just cause a whole debate of its own). As if this wasnt bad enough, I get urges of all sorts, sexual and violent, that sicken me, and I'm ashamed to even think of.

But I'm not posting this seeking pity. Im more so curious... Is there ANYONE who can relate? Even a little bit?

Off and on I've hated most people too, because they all seemed to have wronged me in little ways, and I'm very sensitive to that.

I too, have gone though periods of of fear & loathing. There are times when I hate everyone, fear everyone. My faith in God gave me the strength to keep on living when I wanted very much to die. I have wanted to do horrible things to myself and to others. I can remember standing in front of the mirror with sharp implements, slowly and methodically cutting myself, watching the blood well up and relishing the pain.

I know Hell is real because I've been there.

Are you getting enough time on your own, peace & quiet etc?

This is totally how I get when I don't get enough down time, free from people people people and their schticks.

The only weird part I see is that you even hate your best friend. I mean you say it yourself, he's always been there for you and helped you. Would you rather want him to piss you off and bully you?

But besides that I can comprehend abit I guess.
Well ok, I don't "hate" people, but prefer to be left alone if I don't know them.

I can relate, I've had alot of those same feelings/thoughts that you describe. In my case, I've found that the hatred is really just fear of having those panic attacks that are triggered by contact with others, and not hatred of the people themselves. It may be different in your case, but, I was the same way at your age, and thought that it might be probable that you are suffering from the same. Either way, it sucks dealing with panic attacks and the anxiety that accompanies them. Best of luck.

I've hated most strangers because of their ignorance and I sometimes hate those I get jealous over. I personally would never hate those who have been kind to me because so few are kind. Ive refused to befriend someone because they have habits or do things I do not like; one example is smoking and I hate smoking. While some of them have been kind to me, I feel like I would disgrace myself if I was with them. I know I am being selfish and everyone has their own flaws. I do know that. And yet there are some girl smokers who have been so nice. I really can be a judgmental jerk. sigh.... Or am I? I don't know. I always had the insinuation that smokers were idiots or skanks(because almost all skank girls do smoke) but some nice ones I know do too. I get confused.

Yes! All I read was the beginning and knew what you were talking about, I used to imagine being taken by aliens and destroying all these people... is that weird? I don't care if it is!

i can relate quite a lot. maybe the solution i found will work for you too.

i haven't exactly forgiven everyone i feel has wronged me, but making progress. it's an excruciatingly slow process for me. what i do now is try not to make enemies of my aquaintances, who are often helpful in enabling my life to function smoothly. rather than take the chance of alienating them, i just try to be cheerful and friendly and not talk too much.

as a result, i'm doing better and seem to be on good terms with most of my acquaintances. i feel more comfortable with forgiving people. and for their part, fortunately they are working with me. i try not to place any demands on people. with few or no expectations, our exchanges have become almost pleasant. imagine that. definitely not the heavy ordeal they used to be.

i'm hoping you will try it. and please keep posting. let us know how you're doing.

I'm almost exactly the same way. Except for the hating everyone for everything part. That comes and gos in phases for me, right now its in the going phase.

I hate walking on the sidewalk when there's other people there, also. What I do is if there walking in the opposite direction of me, I'll just walk in the bike lane or the grass until I pass them. When we're walking in the same direction it's a lot worse. If someone else is ahead of me I get paranoid that they think I'm following them, or if I'm ahead I get paranoid they are following me. The worst part is that I have to go past an elementary school and if there's a little kid in front of me I don't want people to think I'm following that kid. I wonder if anyone would actually think that or if I'm just being paranoid...

Also, I never make eye contact, just in case.

don't hate your best friend ! !!

luckily I've got a secure net around me , na d boy I tell you what ; it is scary to be ridin along in my automobile with no safety restraints of any kind, it's not smart to kick your freind s around . If you have mental issues than seek help ther e is always help ! !! Go to the YMCA they maight be able to help you . Perhaps at little cost or no cost to you. Ride a bike , take a walk , go to movie , do som,thing .
there is only so much help one person can give you . I don't know what yuor stitiation is but I hope this will help . You may need a guide to help you with whatever crisis you may have, and maybe you have something more ; however you must seek help don't slip into depresion like I did: =It took manuy of years to correct and still to this day I don't have a job. yet.

* not to be offinsive in any way....


VALUEMAN

ive had it a few times, also i've had the kind of urges you talk about, well they were more thoughts, mainly self destructive images in my head.

but yeah theré was a period where there was lots a hatred for people including myself.