RANT

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Ok this is the Haven and I plan to use it. I have finally lost it as far as my temper goes, I have been wondering why it has took me so long to lose it but here I am now in my full f*****g angry glory and Im going to have a rant! I have finally snapped!! !! !

As many of you are probably aware I am unemployed and it isn't my fault. The reason why is because I worked with a shower of f*****g s**ts who actually liked being s**ts and had nothing human in them because if they did I would f*****g still be there, earning money, working in an environment I like (I happen to like lab work) and I'd still have my own place. But no, others seem to always f**k things up for me and did they feel guilty for what they did to me even though they knew it was wrong? DID THEY f**k!! !! !! BASTARDS!! !! !

Most people really like being pricks as far as Im concerned. This was a distressing time in my life, and still is as I have f**k all - no job, no place of my own and no driving licence. See I was going to get driving lessons and stuff when I was working so thats another thing that had to be forfeited because of those twatty, whoring, sh***y f*****g scumbags!! !! I thought to myself at the time 'well at least Ive got my family and friends yardi yardi ya'. The family I do have but my friends? Most of them don't live far from me (these are the ones I'm angry with, not the ones that live thousands of miles away, I live in England in case people dont know), in fact the distance between me and them is complete and utter f**k all and I'd be more than happy to go and visit them and see them whenever they like. Barring the exception of one guy (he is in the same predicament as me), have any of them bothered to get back to me? Have they f**k! I really needed them and still do as I feel like s**t as everything has been taken away from me, mainly my independence and for what? Shite all!! ! I've been there for a couple of them in the past, they know what I'm going through and where are they? f**k them, f**k em all!! !! !! !! !!

And now simple slight things are pissing me off! Like I will sign in to MSN and when someone signs in you usually know they have, unless you don't get the alerts but most people do. Usually when I see someone has signed in, the vast majority of the time I will say hello or acknowledge that they are there somehow as, if you are friends with someone, I believe this is actually a nice thing to do. However when I sign in and see some people are online, they don't bother saying hello or acknowledging me. This is beginning to grate on me and f**k me right off now whereas about 3 weeks ago I probably wouldnt have been that arsed about it. So sometimes I will say hello instead and sometimes I get a response, but its me that always makes the first move, not them. And then sometimes, I just get ignored and get no response at all even though they are not busy or away or anything!! !! ! This is what really upsets and angers me now, that some people just can't be f****d to acknowledge me. Three people have done this to me today (one of them being my own sister) and now its the final f*****g straw!! !! Have I done anything to actually hurt any of these people? No I f*****g haven't! So I don't get it at all!! Ive been loyal to a lot of people but yet those that Ive been loyal to in particular now cant be f****d with me. MEH!! !! !! !! !! I feel so cheated at the moment its unbelievable.

I'm finding it hard to get a job as I'm either overqualified or underqualified, or because I don't have enough work experience etc etc, people always finding excuses, excuses and more bastard excuses! Ive been in this situation long enough to really piss me off and I dont see it changing for a while, fan-fucking-tastic! And this is all caused by other people, w*kers!! !! ! Im currently living off benefits but thats only £44.50 a week ($78.135), that only just gets me through the week. I'm fed up to the back f*****g teeth of this as I don't understand why s**t like this always seems to happen to me!! !! !! ! I'm not a bad person, I'm nice and I try to help people and stuff and I know I do so why the f**k?!

I'm sorry if some of you are shocked, I know Im usually more calm and collected but there was no f*****g way I could be like this today!! !! !! !

Hi fiz,

I am really sorry things are hard for you right now. Please keep in mind that life is a journey, and you will never know where tommorow might take you. As far the job goes, i am sorry you found the enviroment so hostile, however, this period of unemployment is only a temporary setback
and you will eventtually find another job, don't get discouraged just keep pounding the pavement. It was good for your mental health that you left that job anyways.You must be a pretty smart girl to work in a lab and complete a degree in biology. I like you fiz, your probably one of the most level headed people here.


As far as your friends go, I am sorry they are treating you this way, but who said you needed other people to validate your life?If they are not going to appreciate you then they're not worthy of someone as cool as you. Find new people to hang with or find some other hobbies to occupy. Who knows your friends might come back to you wondering why you haven't acknowledged them. Over the past couple months, i have hardly spent any time with my friends, nor do my friends ever talk to me, and you know what? I am perfectly content with that because also over the past couple months i have gained the confidence to be alone with myself. Plus when you don;t have many friends, you don;t have to deal with much drama look at it that way. If you'd like, you can talk to me on MSN, PM me if you want my name on there.

Keep your head high, cause im rooting for you, and if you ever need anything I personally have your back.

Fiz I didn't know you are going through these things. I really didn't know you could lose you temper like. I actually enjoy knowing that you actually have a side that you can snap. You know what if you want to talk about anything you could email me and I'll try as much as I can to think of some ways that might help you out. I really care for you and I hope things get better. Maybe these people didn't want to get along with you. Maybe they prejudged you and didn't want to make their judgements right. You can call me if you want and I'll give you my phone number over an email. I'm a really good listener and I'll listen and comment to anything you want me to. I'm there for you. Take care Fiz. I hope things get better for you.

sorry you've come to the point in your life when you realise people are backstabbing and ruthless. escape. live a reclusive life. build a safe little place for yourself no matter how modest it is and stick two fingers up to commitments and intimacy with others. it's worked wonders for me.

YOU GO GIRL!! !!

lol..........you should feel much better now. I hope.

FIZ:

I am sorry that you are in a horrible situation at the moment Fiz. Most aspies can relate to extended periods of problems & suffering. Just do your best to not let depression set in. If it does then you will most likely end up like me on anti-depressants.
One thing that i have learned is that people are generally for themselves. The humans may be extreemely empathic and they can tell when somebody needs help or is in some sort of pain but 99% of them can not be bothered/don't care.
Unfortunately this is a fact of life. I suppose i am fortunate as to not feel lonelyness so i am therefore not compelled to make friends. In a lot of ways this does help to lead a happy life.
Anyway, keep looking for that job. It seems key to pull you out of your situation. Check all of the newspapers, go to the job centre, is there any asperger help groups in your area. In norfolk we have Aspergers East Anglia.
They are a charity and their main purpose is to help people with aspergers in the areas of education, jobs and general life.
Good Luck & Don't Give Up!! !

Yoyobek, i totaly agree with you. This is how i have planned my life to be when i leave college.
I plan to get a nice house, one that i can afford with my future job, no friends, no girlfriends and so on.
Instead i will dedicate my time to study. I think this life would work best for me.


All the best,
Silver_Shadow

Oh man, thank you so much you guys. I actually feel a bit better for the rant I had, but still feel crappy today, maybe I'll feel better tomorrow when I wake up on the right side of my bed. I feel I should try and do something super positive tomorrow, as I do try not to be in depressive slumps for too long or you get stuck in a rut.

However, as to my ex co-workers, I hope crabs the size of plums infest their lower regions and I hope that the senior technician gets gangrene in his penis to the point where it shrivels up and drops off! There, Im not going to say anything else nasty about them. And when they need me, some of my friends will come back but I will politely remind them that, barring the exception of one, they were absent when I needed them. I should be alright though, its just sometimes my strength does waver a little bit or completely abandons me but then I guess it happens to us all unfortunately. Thanks again guys

Fiz, Hope your situation improves soon

baby

it's at times like this you discover who your true friends are, and who are just fair-weather 'friends' who leech off you when you're nice and happy and convenient for them but soon turn to someone else when you're not all smiles anymore i do hope you find a suitable job soon, i know how difficult it is stuck at home with nothing to do all day.

i know what you mean about msn, i've had the same 'problem', i have some people where it's always me making the first move and i feel like i'm imposing on them all the time and they don't really want to be bothered with me... either that or it's actually their brother / sister / boyfriend / mum / dog who is on the computer, so now i'm nervous to make the first message. (didn't know you had msn, i am on most evenings and nights but i can't chat if i'm already chatting to someone else, 2 conversations at once is mpossible - one conversation at once is hard enough!)

hope you feel better tomorrow

It's good you're having a blowout, those are needed.

Best of luck.

I totally agree. Its been far too long since I had one and I think thats my problem at the moment. Basically all my bad luck from last year has continued to spill over into this year, I started this year by handing my notice in at work (4th Jan). (Hell this is my topic, I may as well continue to abuse it saves me moaning elsewhere) By coincidence, last year on Jan 4th I discovered I had a rare autoimmune disorder which could have been very damaging or, in a few cases, fatal so I started both this year and last year very well didn't I? It took me the best part of last year to fully recover from that, bearing in mind that I was in my final year at university, so I had to cope with this and the fact that I was sick for about 4-6 months. Since this I'm more prone to illness. The only good things about last year were my friends and passing my degree. And about the same time that I was told I had this lovely illness, my dad was told he had cancer (he has recovered from this quite well thank god). So I have been through some real s**t and I just came to the end of my tether with it all today. I feel better for the rant though, think its done me good. I need some good luck which is what I thought my last job was but it turned out wrong, never mind.

Well I'm glad that you're doing good. I hope things work out for the best for you. You always have me if you want to rant some more.

Fiz,

I hope things improve for you soon. Your situation is a very unenviable one indeed. Phewhhh... Nothing like a let-off of steam like that. It reminds me of the day I trashed my art studio

I'm not familiar with the health care infrastructure in your part of the world, but have you been formally Dx'd for AS? If so, you might be able to get in on some kind of disability support plan and there might be organizations or agencies that could do the most part of the job-seeking work for you and help you find work with an employer that will know up front about you having AS and be more accommodating for the same. I think it would be worth finding out.

Your doctor is my first thought of someone I'd talk to, anything else after might take some patience and perseverence on your part, but if there is something there, it's worth pursuing.

Whatever you decide and whatever you find out, good luck and God bless.

That's terrible

If you want feel free to yell at me on MSN or something if you need to

Just to give you a bit of logic as to why this occurs, but if everyone who was online and had you on their contact list said hello, depending on the size of your contact list, you would be inundated by open chat windows. It makes sense to allow the person who has just logged on to choose who they wish to talk to, and not to possibly flood them with multiple chats all at once.
As to everything else, well, good luck.

Fiz here's my email address if you like to talk to me and let everything out: [email protected] I would like to hear from you. Hope things are going well for you.
If there's anyone else who want to email me you all can. Take care Fiz and everyone.