I can't even trust my own online friends

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I hate being lied too. One of my online friends told me he would send me a story he wrote for me and he never did yesterday.
I hate it when people say they are going to do soemthing and they f*****g don't. How can I trust anyone if they don't do as they say. I feel lied to. If they can't do something, don't f*****g tell me you will if you can't. If you aren't even sure you will or not, don't tell them you will do it or else you've lied to them and how can they trust you?



I am so sick of this crap. One of my other online friends told me he will reply to a post I made and he never did. He said he would right now but he didn't. Then he said he will again and I doubt it. i can't trust him either. I hate being mislead. Damn it.


I can't be f*****g nice about this anymore. It's bad enough I don't trust people in real life and now I can't trust my close online friends.

Just because somebody said they would do something, and then didn't, doesn't make them a liar. Maybe something in the real world got in the way.

Lied to, betrayed.. being me has always meant I took the time to leave early and get there early, but most people show up 5 minutes late. In reality your overshot patience and caring is overshadowed by the fact - most people could really care less. Or atleast are really forgetful when it comes to personal promises. Then again we all are.

Could be worse tho. Of course if its a boy you should void everything I just said and crack it up to hormones.

I agree.

Also, maybe they just forgot. Some people don't have a very good memory for doing things.

Or perhaps they're not attaching the same level of importance to it as you are. What's important to you may not be as important to someone else. You might have to tell them how important something is to you.

In the "real" world, you're expected to remind people or they will assume you just don't care. I've learned this.

Depends on my moods, when feeling low I can become paranoid about everything, every word and one... over thinking, worrying, analyzing as us aspies do

Could be anything if they're your online friends.

Give them time, they're only human.

Most people are lazy c*nts who aren't very careful about issuing promises. Not all people, just most.

I feel you on this.

Online, without a real life connection, its easy to let things slide. I totally agree that it feels like lying if someone says they'll do something and they don't, but they probably aren't doing it to deliberately hurt you, even though it really really hurts - they probably have no idea. If someone tells me they'll call me and they don't, I'll usually hold the phone waiting for their call, or get so excited about their call that when it doesn't happen, its totally devastating. But they're not thinking anything about it on their end - they don't imagine anyone is sitting there waiting for a call or reply or anything else b/c to a NT it seems so small.

I've tried to be upfront with people who do this to me, and tell them not to promise to do things, to be deliberately vague, to always make sure to use qualifiers like "maybe" or "I'll try", just so I'm not waiting for them to fulfill their word and so I don't get disproportionately upset.

If you're pushing people to comment or make promises to you, then they might just be saying yes to be polite, but really have no interest. This is harder to control. because everyone means well, just be careful to make sure you're not pushing and things should get better.

If they're doing it out of the blue - well, people used to call me and invite me somewhere, then forget and be confused when I confronted them about not being there. Just remember - they are in the wrong, but there is usually no way to make them understand the gravity of what they did. If someone does this to you more than once and doesn't really apologize, disregard them. Don't value them with your trust. Be distant until they decide they really want you as a friend and behave in a way that values you. AND DONT LET THEM CONVINCE YOU IT IS YOUR FAULT FOR HOW THEY TREAT YOU. It isn't your fault. You are you and are only responsible for what you do and say, you are responsible for no one else. If you take the power back and let them see you wont let yourself be mistreated (and try not to attack them or call them names, because this gives them the power back), things usually go somewhat better socially.

One of my 'obsessions' or 'areas of expertise' is movies/film criticism/film history, so tonight as Oscar night is literally one of the biggest highlights of my year, and I love trying to connect with other knowledgeable people online during the broadcast via social networking sites like Twitter. But what sucks about being obsessed with film is that it isn't peculiar enough to stand out, yet everyone else thinks they're movie experts, too. Unless they made notebooks in 8th grade with cast lists and quote lists and interviews and articles that they spent hours and hours studying, I doubt they're coming from the same place.

Its completely hard, and a bit of me thinks "who am I to say this?" because at 26 I just burst into tears because one acquaintance of a sort-of-friend twittered loudly how awful and boring my posts were and someone I liked just fine unfollowed me on Twitter for posting too much during the Awards. I had been so excited, and when I get excited I forget what social boundaries I've learned and just let it flow, then people I could care less about in the real world but am linked to online go out of their way to deliberately ruin my night or detach from me forever.

Its easy to snub or ignore people when you're only acquainted online. That doesn't make it ok at all, but it makes it easier. I'm sure many many more people were thinking it about me tonight, but I'd hope they're familiar enough with me to know that Oscar night is special enough to me to let it slide.

I know it sounds counter-productive to those of us who really want and need friendship connections, but having no friends, in the long run, is better than having loads of half-friends who abuse, don't understand and undervalue you. Not that you should rid yourselves of the people you're asking about, but if you are straightforward with them about how breaking promises feels and they don't stop, then let them fall into the bad category.

Or at least that is what my own really sucky experiences have taught me. People can, do, and will always to some degree suck.

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Last edited by Fidget on 23 Feb 2009, 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

if you see from a distance, not sending a story is so irrelevant. it simply does not matter what reason they had not to send it. even if they find out it is not that good story after all, or simply they watched TV instead, it is not enough reason to be upset.

i believe we have to learn to assign less importance to stuff. i usually make the same mistake, i'm assigning major relevance to things, which in fact has small or nothing.

listen to master yoda :) he said: "train yourself to let go everything you fear to loose". aside from the pop psychology in that phrase, it is true that you always have to be prepared for the "what if not" case. if you are strongly depandant on one possible outcome of a situation, it will be disastrous if another outcome happens.

You should look up the definition of the word "stalker" and maybe "disturbing." Stalkerish is not a word. Just a tip. You may want to understand the definition of these words before you tell someone they sound like a "stalker," er, I mean "stalkerish," and "disturbing." Just a thought.

That's an interesting example about NT 'unspoken social assumptions' - it's something we can't possibly know without being told about.

Magliabechi.

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Last edited by Fidget on 23 Feb 2009, 4:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Last edited by Fidget on 23 Feb 2009, 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.