Feeling Regretful and frustrated badly.

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I return here to mention a battle of regret and my AS.

I wake up nowadays to realize that I am at a checkpoint in my life and right in front of me is the crossroads.

AT this age I am in now, I have realized that I have not yet accomplished much in my life.

When I graduated from HS I understand several facts about myself.

I didn't continue eduaction: Actually I did go but I dropped out after a semester and a half, feeling frustrated again. This was about 4 yrs after HS graduation.

I didn't have a job, though for a while but not for too long

I don't drive, something I didn't think of so much and probably feel tense to do anyways.

Never really read books or try to go to a library, or learn something deeply on my own.

Never really went out of the house much to interact. I wonder if I went outside much?

Never became too involved in energetic fashion and socializing in a mellow, outgoing way.


Now I feel that I have been in my opinion, inactive for too long. There is about a decade of excess thoughts and stuff in my head that need to be dispensed and retired. But I haven't gotten rid of it. I am a restless person who can't seem to stop worrying about some things, concentrate, focus and try to be more involved.

I feel like I am a lifeless person who feels that there is no energy left for maintain ambitiousness again.
Now I am only 27 years of age and though I am not completely young, I really am and have enough energy to move on.
I just feel like I am in a dread point of life now.

My concern is that I feel like now, I am so behind and need to cram as much as possible. I feel that I have to take it more seriously as possible. I also feel that I will not be able to cherish it when the time I reach the accomplishments.

Yes I did think about ending it right darn now but that wouldn't make things better at all period. That though is based on the fact I don't want to accept what is out there in the world, right at this moment. Which probably wouldn't matter as long as I don't care about what goes on out there...

...But I do tend to worry about what is out there too much and that does keep me magnatized in my own home, room, yard, computer, whatever. Too long and I feel I spend to much time about it.


I don't want to care too much about what is going on out there anymore. I want to empty the stressed out brain. But I have too many regrets and worries that I keep fighting and want stopped. It frustrates me and I don't want it anymore.

Sometimes I feel I want to go back a few more years where I feel I can accomplish things earlier and enjoy them for a little bit longer. But I must say that I may actually enjoy them better if I start now.


So yes this is a rant about my own happenings in life and tracking where I have been. I feel sad and get angry that I haven't had enough for what I wanted to do at this point. I get headaches and anxiety over this. Along with sad feelings.

I don't want to feel like I am the only one here but wrote this just to tell a story.

It has been quite some time since I have posted so I hope this will be somewhat helpful. I have been evaluating my life and have looked back in retrospect to my list of goals I would have liked to have accomplished at this point in my life. I have found myself lacking in ambition as well as motivation when it comes to applying myself to getting this list taken care of, so first by process of elimination I must figure out my strengths and weaknesses. I am not athletic or competitive for the most part. Academically speaking, I did not attain the higher GPA nor did I receive any scholarships or honor roll status and did not like the Standardized testing that graded me very low due to the fact that I do not handle time restraints, deadlines or limits well. In the workplace the same is true even though I have been employed in the grocery business for nine years and that has not been easy; actually at times dealing with supervisors and managers has been a struggle and the manual labor can at times be intense especially when a lot is expected from several different managers. My strengths are my memory, perserverance at certain tasks at work, and my never say die or "never give up, never surrender" attitude.

I am sorry, got a little sidetracked, I also do not drive. At one time I did but that was quite a few years ago. I may be slightly older than you are so it is understood that all of the asperations that I had before and after high school have not come to pass and leaves one feeling disappointed but do not let it get you depressed for there have been people in history that started their lifes dream a little late in life.

Try not to compare yourself to others your age for we do not have to have a degree of one profession or another before we hit a certain age to feel we have accomplished something nor do we need a National bestselling book (Pulizter Prize winning) or become a well renowned actor, musician, artist, or architect to be considered important.

We feel the need to strive for success (lots of money, big car, big house, big bank account)because society expects it for they believe that it holds the most meaning and purpose yet the real makers and shapers of the world are usually not noticed and often overlooked - the laborers, maintenance workers, social workers, and many thousands of people in every city and town who keep the world as we know it, functioning and operating. Those that can make the greatest impact can sometimes do the smallest favors and when others combine their efforts to help others out simultaneously then the most good can be done.
There is alot of emphasis placed on attaining materialistic possessions and other commodities to acquire self worth yet always the rich do not prevail for the constant debt, depression, disillusion, and the unattainable are always just out of reach for what is truly missing is inner peace that cannot be found by monetary accumulation. There are some things that can make you content that works for me such as pursuing a hobby or perhaps a connection with your faith. This I hope will be of some comfort that for every one goal we pursue it will always be impossible to attain them all,
if we set our sights too high or try to do what others have already done for even they have wishes to be something more than what they are.

I feel so mad at myself that I am gonna end up dwelling over the spilt milk again. It happened before and I don't want it to happen again.

I feel ashamed of having to start a little late in life. Wanting to cram it in, I feel I don't have anymore energy to learn new things, get in shape, and somehow put my life in one of my first restarts.

A lot of folks around here would say I am still young (especially in these days now),
but it is those dwellings in life that makes me feel like I wasted too much.

Yes I know I am young but I...

...Well I only need the kind of guidance that a kid would need. I am not saying I had a bad background in life because I didn't. Though yeah, there were some difficulties.

I feel like there is still a trapped child who needs a little more guidance from someone who can understand what I need.

I have to first let go of all those so called wasted years in order to move on.

I feel that cutting time off the internet and sleeping at good times would be a better start.

Luckily I am told that I am still pretty good to start. It feels like I haven't even used much of the energy. Something like potential energy unused.