From Jail to mental Ward to Home...

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I was recently arrested for drug BS...

My mom bailed me out which gave her godlike power over my life (im 23).

I was recently confined to the mental ward of a hospital for 3 nights to keep me from killing myself (AGAINST MY WILL), after my mom took me to the hospital (i had to go or I would go to jail) she wanted me to get antidepressant meds, but the doctors put me in the menal ward because my mom told them I had said I wanted to be dead.

I did not have any intention of actually killing myself, but I do think about it, but I relize I am too weak to do so.

I basically lied and begged to be released, and never was honest with the doctors about my feelings.

I hated being there so much, it made me want to kill myself (lol the irony).

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my family doctor. I am going to talk to her about diagnosing me with aspergers, and hopefully getting medical marijuana.

Upon reflection, I dont want to kill myself (i am afraid of death, and failing at suicide mostly, but also want to experience other things in life, I think that eventually I will kill myself because I see life as hopeless and human society as s**t, but not yet, maybe in 10 years), I do however regret many choices in life, and resent the fact that I was born, this resentment makes me angry at my mom.

I think I were to have to go to jail for years I would prefer to die, the pain of a few days and nights in a mental ward was enough to drive me mad, and didn't change my views on anything.

I thought in the mental house I should go lose my virginity, that maybe the lack of sex was a reason for depression, but now that I am out I have lost the desire to fornicate.

I did think about writing a book, but again now the motivation is gone, replaced with the feelings of being a loser.

I just really want to get high and forget about all this BS (suicide, and jail) but smoking weed hurts me legally.

I wish euthanasia was legal, so I could be medically exterminated because I feel like a worthless being to society.

I am having a hard time communicating how I feel to my mom about her setting me up for the mental ward, my initial reaction after getting out was outbursts of rage, I want to hurt her (mentally, not physically)... I want to break her heart, but I know I already have by being arressted and charged with being a drug dealer, but I want to hurt her more. I think I am going to destroy a christas snow globe my grandma (dead, moms mother) gave me, that my mom has in the living room, so she can feel the pain I felt of being humiliated and treated like a ret*d.

At least you have medical marijuana where you live.
Be warned, there will be several holier-than-thou posters who will try to condemn you for smoking weed.
As for your mom, I know how that feels. It's not fun to have someone taking control of your life.

i believe I'm too strong of Empathy, so I care about you, especially if you touch on feelings I've had at some point in my life. http://www.sciencenews.org/view/generic ... f_empathy_

I agree the capture and cage approach to it is not helpful. i sort of tell people that expressing that is really asking for hugs and touch. But probably need days of it, not just a few seconds.

Drugs, can be addictive, and so can attention.

My direct advice: you need to make yourself have worth to society. Find some things you like doing, slow down your life. Consider yourself handicapped and be inspired by those that do things with their mind. Make the best of it. Read the quotes i said here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt96662.html - and you may find that many of the happiest people in the world don't try to be #1, they focus on being unique. There are plenty of places to eat in town that aren't the best, but people still go there. you can have worth.... and maybe you will run into that right social person who complements you in 4 or 6 years and have a great life!

I never knew you can get medical marijuana for having asperger's.

Also, don't ruin something so sentimental to your mother, especially something that can't be replaced. Why do you want to hurt your mother so much? If you have to destroy something she loves destroy something she can replace like a vase. You will regret destroying a priceless family heirloom.

ya i agree with pensieve dont destroy the globe, ive done stuff like that many times when i was younger... ive destroyed so many priceless things, ive always regretted it later, and you probably will too and end up feeling even worse. dont do it.

AnonOS, tell your doctor what you told us in your post.

Your mom was just trying to get help for you, because she cares about you. It probably scared her when you said you wanted to be dead, and she only told the professionals in order to save your life. Please don't hold it against her, she's not the enemy. It isn't her fault for giving birth to you, either. How could she predict you'd hate life so much?

I think it would be very healing for you to try to let go of your anger and make peace with your mom. It could bring a lot of relief to both of you. As life goes on you realize how much you need somebody who gives a crap what happens to you. At least try to keep in mind that she is a person with good intentions, who wants to help, even though she may not know exactly how.

I feel like the only way I can be honest anymore is through the veil of anonymity. Any honest feelings expressed by my true self, could result in me living in a cage, something I will never risk again.

I know how you feel. It's happened to me.

Why weed! - I cast the out!

Bur seriously there are far better funny cleaner drugs out there then weed and you doctor can perscribe most of them to you - see you can get in on some MDMA trials.

Looks to me like you've lost your feet in life mate, try and be thankful for your mum, lots would have left you to rot. I don't think you are going to find salvation in an AS diagnosis and your GP won't be able to do this.

People can get medical marijuana so easily in states where it's available, I saw a documentary by Lisa Ling, people with all sorts of supposed "conditions" are getting it, people can just go to their doctor and say something like "I have nausea" and get a prescription.

Anyhow, I really hope you don't kill yourself anon. Please don't treat your mom badly it will just make things worse.