I Am Sam

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I just saw what looked like an awful movie called 'I Am Sam,' about an autistic father who fights to keep his seven-year-old daughter despite arguments that he lacks parenting ability. I watched the part where his daughter Lucy screamed, "I hate you! I hate you!"

I sometimes wonder how good a father I'd make, and I often think about how I would handle parenting if I had a daughter. I would not want her to hate me.

Now, given everything that's eeeever happened to me, am I supposed to interpret this as some kind of signal that I'm not good enough to be a father? I mean, come on. I'm sick of these terrifying messages and none of them are valid arguments. The only thing they could possibly serve to do is provoke anxiety and fear of the Boogeyman (both for me and my son/daughter). "Now the TV is telling me not to have kids." I don't usually say this, but WTF?

Don't worry man. The movie was about a guy with mental retardation, which you obviously don't have, since you can make a well formed post.

The autism spectrum is big, we shouldn't generalize.

edit: No, kanner autism is not the same as mental retardation. 75% of the kanner autistics have mental retardation.

children scream "I HATE YOU" to parents all the time. They do it to press/push/poke buttons in the parent to get them to relent and allow what ever they think should be permitted BE permitted by the thus humbled parent that doesn't want to be hated.

Being a good parent is being able to withstand such unfair tactics and hold firm, thus teaching their offspring character and fortitude in the face of frustration.

Merle

MikeH106: Movies and the media don't necessarily show an accurate description of ASD - I'm sure you know this though. I saw "Silent Fall" where the Autistic kid, Tim, is depicted and he might present quite differently than another so wouldn't want to generalize.

Personally, I don't like the movie "Rainman" (someone shatter that CD into multiple fragments so I can flash count the pieces) and I've never met a Rainman.

I would imagine you'd make a good father someday. Even on WP there are ASD parents and they have an insight that a NT parent may not have, plus their novel way of interpreting others. This is good.

Apologies if I misquote, but the general gist - from my WP friend, millie: Her mum is ASD, as is she (millie is an adult - awesome artist)! Her description of her mother (hope it's ok to share, but this is positive): 'Beautiful, wonderful, zany, brilliant, loving....'

Autistics are a very heterogenous group - no worries about your becoming a parent or husband. There's plenty who have a special rapport with kids!

Thanks.

I'm not crazy or anything, but sometimes I get tired of what I deem 'stupid coincidences.'

P.S. 700th post!

Apologies for the 2nd post, but these pieces have coalesced; re: your topic.

I see you quote from A. Einstein. If he were alive today he would have been Dx'd on the spectrum (I'm not guessing - he did lack the Sylvian Fissure) but plenty diagnositc forensic evidence and this is basically a consensus.

Anyway, I did read some letter from A. Einstein that he wrote to his son, specifically Eduard (sp?). These letter, mostly of parental guidance (and love) are touching and show deep thought from father Albert. I can imagine his son held this in deep regard. Although Albert may not have been a demonstrative kind of man, he definitely was caring and a humanitarian too.

What meant a lot: Eduard (European spelling of name) was diagnosed with schizophrenia and his educational/life pursuits were consequently thrown off course. But his father, Albert, had the strength to not judge - quite the opposite; he showed his unconditional care for his son. I couldn't imagine a more thoughtful father, even if he couldn't say it in words. Those letters stand.

To be diagnosed according to the old DSM criteria, you need to fulfill two of the four criteria in group A.

But Einstein had relationships appropriate to his developmental level (if you consider that he was friends with some of the greatest scientists and mathematicians in the world), he shared his enjoyment of science and mathematics with others, and he showed social reciprocity in his writings.

For these reasons, in my opinion he did not have it.

Not sure if you watched the movie all the way through but it makes a very very good point.

It's not really about him not being suitable to be a father. It's about stupid NTs making judgements about someone's fitness to be a parent.

I don't want to spoil the ending but I think it's pretty obvious that the NTs involved will eventually understand - they usually don't in real life.

In that sense, it's a very good movie which makes a very good point.

Also, as someone else mentioned, it's about someone with a quite different problem to aspergers.

If you want a less "close to home" demonstration of the same point, I watched a South Park episode from Series 5 where the Openly Gay Scout Master was replaced because he was "gay" and therefore "a danger to the children". They replaced him with a straight man who had a history of child molestation.

The message: People need to stop assuming the obvious and discriminating against others based on appearance/condition.

You'll make a great parent. It's not how "able" you are, it's how prepared to give your time and love you are.

Again, thanks. I appreciate your support in the face of these terrifyingly stupid coincidences.

everything is related to everything else in the world so coincidences happen a lot. Relaxation occurs when realized they are not all related specifically to each of us.

Merle

Whilst I haven't seen it, I've read opinions by people saying that he's unrealistically able for someone with autism in the film, no matter what label he has (HFA or LFA).

LabPet,

Rain Man is very similar to me in ability; him and Simon from Mercury Rising are the most accurate depictions of HFA I've seen as it's familiar to me. You probably never will meet someone like Rain Man, because we don't interact with people in person that we don't know.

Did you watch the whole film?

I found it was brilliant actually! But that one really really should watch the whole film to understand everything. Especially to understand Lucy's reaction in that particular scene and her relationship to her father which is a key thing of the whole film.


For everybody's information:

I am Sam is about a man with moderate mental retardation, NOT about autism.

He's non-autistic and very differently-abled than someone with autism is.

I saw that commercial too, but I didn't see that part, I saw the part where the kid was hugging him.

But yeah, Merle's right, kids say that kind of thing all the time no matter how good their parents are.

It looked like an interesting movie. I don't think it would just be a movie about a ret*d who's a terrible parent. That would be way too un-PC. :B

I think anyone can be a good parent if they can figure out their own technique for it that works.

i seen the movie he didn't have autism he had autism tendencies but his main diagnoses was mental retardation, me in my girl seen it today.