death or AS/autism

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I would rather have AS than die.

I usually have a blow out every 1-2 months with an emotional breakdown usually related to the disorder, but it's good to let it all out.

I rarely go through emotional breakdowns, they only happen to me when my life is getting me down. The kind of mood I have been displaying on wrongplanet since I joined here is a result of a major depression I have been going through. Once I am out of that rut, which I am starting to. I am fairly calm and stable for long periods of time.

The point of obstacles is to make the win more satisfying. And you're gonna win. *hug*

I am know happier and want to live my Aspergers ADHD is part of me.

Last edited by hyper_alien on 28 Apr 2006, 12:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm torn between the two answers. I'd rather neither but that's not much of an option either.

I'd prefer to be dead, though I wouldn't set out to achieve it. To put it better, it's like the old saying "Plan to live forever, but live like you'll die tomorrow". I would welcome it if I were to die tomorrow, but I'd still fight tooth and nail to stay alive.

"Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't."

I'm torn between the two decisions, as well. On one hand, I enjoy adding to my Bus Collection and I make interesting works of Art on my Laptop. On the other hand, I get sick of being treated like an Idiot who can't read, write, think or keep herself clean.

I'd rather never have been born, but by now I'm too attached to life to end it now that it's already begun.

I actually like having AS, but I compensate a lot better than most people so that's just me...

AS is good for society!

Well, if I preferred death, then I wouldnt have typed this, eh?

TBH, I thought about it a few times, and while the sweet, silence of eternal sleep seems tempting I've decided that I should be in no mode to rush to it. It'll happen to us all eventually - so we might as well make with the time we got and learn from our experience. That being said, if I had definitive proof that reincarnation existed, and I would come back as a human being then I'd choose death in a heartbeat.

Death. I cannot stand being damaged, imperfect goods.

The dilema is that I'm too much of a filthy coward to end my life.

I think about suicide and death all the time. I have days where I say to end it now. I mean I always flash to the past and wish maybe the last ride can allow me to rewrite the past. Or at least allow me to shut my brain off for once. But I do know that I would make life harder for all those who support me and are there for me. I know I can't relive the past and I know I have a lot of regrets. I am still learning this process as I type.

To say I wish I was never born at all is like giving my own parents two big birds directly. But I wish I was born again to as I said, I want to visit everything my unconscious mind built. And give it a new sheet.

So yeah at these times I still have a chance to start over again and tell the past to move on. Tell the social fears in my mind to go away. I can only contribute to what I know and have.

So I'm a little older, maybe I 'll cherish what I want to do, moreso than when I was young. So yes, I regret the past, but I have to accept it. I cannot go and say to end life because I screwed up the past and that I will be too old to enjoy what I want to make up.

Perhaps there is nothing to really "make up for". I don't feel ancient. Maybe a little right now as I beat myself up alot to the dwelling.

That is my two cents in life, there is plenty more pennies of advice to throw into the fountain for days to come. It's better than keeping them in your pockets.

Because keeping the pennies in the pockets, leaves a person with no room for more, and no room for other things. It can be heavy, it can be unpleasant and noisy. Throwing them in the well, or the fountain or on the ground can free up space. It can leave coins with other coins. It creates a beuatiful image of pennies and others. their are no conflicts, just various coins next to each other. One may eye one over the other but their are no clashes with the money. Which here the money acts as priceless.

Life has the same issue. Instead of pennies, it is feelings, and ideas and advice. Hold them in your mind too long and you can't learn new things. Or the dwellings that are stuck in your mind distract you from learning new things. Throwing out the advice allows you to hear it, it may relieve the aches and pains in your head. And it allows you to spread what you think is good to others, who represent the fountain. The advice may come to them. They share it with the other advice, but will prefer some over the other. They pick up new ideas, the same way the fountain picks up new coins. Some will conflict with the others but, those who gave out the two cents should not conflict.
At the same time one who gives out advice learns something new later on. Just as they see their load of pennies in someone elses hands or in the water full of other pennies.

Life can become a eyesore, or feel heavy at times. But at least it can be enlightened whenver you feel to do so. Whether in pain or in good spirits.

Want me to just leave, Jman? I am hardly ever depressed. I certainly don;t qualilfy for depression anymore. I don;t need meds either. Beats me where they got the dx from.

I don't see my Asperger's Syndrome as that big of a problem?

Don't get me wrong, it causes some problems, but at the same time I also have a better capacity to solve those problems because of it.

Every Aspie who commits suiside part of me dies.

Yeah, I hate living like this, but as someone who believes in no afterlife...this is it. I'd rather live a crappy life and try to enrich the lives of other while I can than just not be alive and not have changed the world at all.