I want my son to find peace..

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I am the mother of a 17 year old boy with Aspergers. His whole life he has been tormented by this horrible disorder. He has been bullied, ignored, suicidal from age 8, begged for me to take his life and put him out of his misery, failed in school, never been able to maintain friendships, loses and breaks everything he owns, therefore has nothing of value, can't hold down a job, can't manage money, does drugs, drinks, used and abused by what he calls his ever changing "friends," beaten up on a regular basis and depressed. Am I so wrong to want my son's journey to end, for the torment to end, there is no future without constant pain for him. I can't bear to see the pain in his eyes and not be able to help. He's had every intervention and treatment known to man, yet here we are another predictable Asperger stat. I have been nothing but positive and supportive towards my son, trying hard not to let him know my pain. The last 17 years have been hell for both of us and I for one is done!

So sorry to hear of your current and previous situations for both you and your son. I can't say that I know what you're going through because I don't. However (although I am not officially diagnosed) my life too has had it's fair share of disaster.

Becoming more spiritual has helped me cope better through the hard times, and having people around me who care helps too. For your sons sake don't give up hope, he needs you to support him. I am afraid I don't have any advice, but you have my well wishes. People always tell me that life is a test, and a challenge and all that you can do is try your best with the cards you've been dealt. Good luck...

So it's bad enough for you to want your son to be allowed to die. Is it bad enough for you to work to save him? Is it bad enough for you to unlearn everything that you thought you knew about raising a child? Or would you just rather be rid of a problem that you won't go far enough to solve?

And he's 17 years old. Most people have a hard time holding a job with today's economy. He's not old enough to be expected to hold a job for long.

What helps you is not going to make you comfortable. Does anything that he wants to do count for anything with you? Are his desires just part of his "horrible condition"? Do you find yourself thinking that there are things that you would rather let him die than do, that he wants to do? Do you find yourself fighting something that he wants to do because it's "impractical" or you just don't think he would be good at it?

We've been trained to pick our children to pieces.

Thank you for your good wishes, i really don't know what to do anymore, I wonder why if life is a test , why must it be so painful for some people? How can God do that to one person, make their whole life a challenge?

What I'm really looking for is support!

Why God sees it fit to test us, and how He sees it fit to happen, is only something He understands. Have hope and pray. It's difficult I know because sometimes everything seems overwhelming. Try to take one day at a time, and don't give up hope.

The support that you think you need or the support that you actually need?

The support I need to make it through the day and for my son to have a full and peaceful life, one where he can go at least one day without pain and suffering. One where he doesn't wake up and feel like he's a nothing, that he will never amount to anything. I support my son in all his wishes, hobbies, anything he wants to try; unless it is harmful. Trouble is all he really wants is t be accepted by his peers and have normal relationships. All they do is use him and throw him away as they did 2 nights ago when he was found unconscious downtown after they had set him up once again to be robbed. It doesn't matter how many times I try to explain to him what a real friend is, he falls for it every time!

Any supportive suggestion always welcome!

I sadly dont have an anwser for u, but if u find one please tell me im 15 with as, and severe depression and anxiety, tell ur son hes not alone

Among your son's wishes, hobbies, and things that he wants to try, what have you deemed harmful? What did you do about it when you decided that they were harmful?

Hand-holding and sweet words of sympathy aren't going to do anything for you. My own mother made it plain that she would kill me if I took the key to my manhood from under her pillow. Repeatedly. She saw my manhood as harmful. Maybe knowing this will help you if you are making the same mistake. You could be what you most need to fight to help your son.

Additional: I know that I project a lot of what happened to me on this, but believe me I have a lot more insight to my mother's thought processes than she will ever admit. If you want your son to survive, you will not be able to be that picky about the form in which he survives, you will not be able to control and direct him, and the more that you try the more that he will be torn up and dysfunctional. You are going to have to focus on what he can do and you are going to have to set aside your problems with the risks that he will incur by trying to live. If it makes you frightened or even sick, and you already seem to be a bit of both, wondering if you should just let him die, you're going to have to apply some courage and take some risks.

This is what every parent has to go through in some form or another. Don't let the special labels fool you.

Have you tried placing your son in an alternate learning environment? If he's suffering so much from going to a regular school then it's no wonder he dropped out.

There are many different options available. Perhaps it would be easier for him to study at home and apply to take the GED exam later.

If anything else, if he could be suffering from a lot of undiagnosed emotional/mental issues that might allow him to apply for disability.

I'm sorry about all the s**t you and your son are going through. It sucks when no one wants to take these sort of things like depression a bit more seriously and with more expertise.

There is only so much that you can expect from a 17 year old boy, but here are a few things that I wish that I had learned:

If you go to work on time and do your job, you will usually hold that job for a long time.
This doesn't always work: That's life. You move on.

When you fall down you pick yourself up and try again. You keep trying. No one succeeds without having failed a few times first.

Learn how to take it. Learn how to dish it out.

Make at least one good friend.

He has tried every school out there.

He won't see a Dr. he wants so much to believe that he is fine that as soon as any one mentions seeing one he goes crazy; has even jumped out of my car when I brought it up. The court ordered him to see a dr last summer and the dr told him he doesn't have Aspergers and he took him off all meds.

What does a parent do when their child is in denial?

u need to take ur son out of any school right now and isolate him from people who drink and do drugs.
u need to put him home in front of the computer and buy him a couple of online games. that will keep him safe from drugs hope fully. don't give him ANY money or he will buy drugs and get hooked even more. then he needs a routine at home. then pm me and i will tell you what to do next

He quit school last week. He has a computer with online games, he won't stay home. I have to work, I'm a teacher and a widow. We are talking about a 17 year old, they don't listen to their parents: remember?

I understand your pain. I have a 6 year old with As, a 17 year old with type I diabetes(insulin dependent) and a 18 year old with lupus, and probably undiagnosed AS. The high school years have been horribles for her. All the social stuff. So life is hard, but being a widow you know it is life, and fortunately you still have life. Your son seemd to have the normal teenage pressure however negative it is, and that is good. I do not need to explain to you the reason for the drugs- to escaspe the socity he is unsure of. It perplexes me that you want to give up, or at least your post sounded that way. that is not an option as parents. Believe me I have had my s\haer of heartache in the motherhood department, but I can't ever give it up. There simply is no other choice. Maybe you needa support group to support you I know there are times I do. I hope this helps.