Time for Divorce #2

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I have been here before. My husband came to me claiming that because of my Asperger's, we should get divorced. He denied having anyone lined up, but his computer says otherwise. I found evidence tonight. I am really afraid. I don't know if I can make it on my own, I don't earn much and I have our 17 year old son who also has Asperger's. I am afraid I won't be able to find a suitable man to settle down with. I am not young anymore.

damn, girl! That is so unbeliveably harsh! So much to sort out so quickly and that can be a real problem for us Aspies. I am so sorry you are afraid, I know I would be too! Thank gawd you have WP to write it all out and friends here you haven't even met yet. ((((((hugs)))))
been there and had that done, too.

I wish I could disappear and not feel this, I hate strong emotions! I can't stop crying...all I can think is "I don't know what to do" and I have to put in an 8 hour day at work tomorrow. I wish God would empower me with strength and confidence! Why don't we have on and off buttons so we can tune out and come back later?

do you have a DX? I was on my job for a year or so before I got a DX so when I did apply for a Family Medical Leave Act intemittant Leave (means I can take off work when I need to) they gave it with no hassle. This way I can cut out when I get all teary eyed and believe me, they appreciate it because they don't have to disrupt work to 'comfort' me. (which I detest, anyway)

What I did was find a support group, look in the paper in the 'Living' section and see what you have. (Believe me, once I went to AlAnon because it met three times a week) I would set aside a time to cry and bellyache for about 45 minutes a night and then wash my face and to to some support group and just listen to them talk about their problems and how they dealt with them. I would come home and have a three some in bed (me, Ben and Jerry! ) and go to sleep in a sugar coma. It saved me from going insane, I am sure of it.

If that's a recent pic, I'd consider hitting on you and I'm nearly 20 years your junior. (That is, if I weren't an Aspie and actually hit on people.) You may not be young, but that doesn't change the fundamentals. Also, your generation has more divorces than the previous and subsequent ones, so there are probably a fair number of divorced men around your age who find themselves in similar circumstances.

Sorry to hear that.

Even sadder to hear that it's a second time around. It's men like that who give nice guys a bad name.

Don't despair. You will go on. You will make it - and from the sound of things, you will be better off.

As far as the crying is concerned. Let yourself go because it might be something you need to do. You've had a horrid thing done to you and it's a normal thing for a woman to cry under those circumstances. Hopefully your workmates will be understanding.

It's a recent pic...Thank you for the compliment. It's nearly 1am and I should be asleep as I have to get up at 6. I think it's my inability to read people that has been my downfall. This guy, now that I look back, showed signs of selfishness and had some weird traits. He believes in aliens and when our son was younger and afraid to sleep in his own room, my husband gave him books on alien abduction and told him it was truth! I asked him why he would tell him such things and he replied that it was his job to teach his son what is out there in the world. My first husband started out ok, then he got addicted to drugs and also cheated on me as well.

I went to my facebook account and changed my status to single. Changes are soooooooo hard!

I agree with apep - you're very attractive.

And for your husband to tell a frightened child that the space aliens are going to come kidnap him, that's just cruel.

I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. But it sounds like you will be better off without him. I agree you are very attractive. You deserve to find someone that will love and respect you.

I must agree with the above posts, you're quite attractive. You will survive. Me and my Mum didn't think we'd survive after my Dad left us but it was actually the best thing that happened to us. We're a lot stronger. It's been nine years for us. We didn't think we'd survive either. My Mum has a nice bf now, she's older than you (and was older than you are now when it happened). I say again, You will survive.

You need to let out the pain to heal, so crying can be good. Support groups can help, knowing you're not alone can help. Remember to eat and drink (water, juice etc), it's easy to forget in the midst of pain. Remember to take care of yourself and your son. You are not alone. Good luck

I don't mean to be unkind, but have you thought of taking a break from forming another relationship with a man immediately? Being emotionally self supportive as well as functionally self supportive is very healing for the soul/psyche.

Yes, I am going to be working on myself for a while. I work for a small company that provides developmental services and mental health care. I only get $10 per hour and I am very lucky if I can get a full 40 hour week because if my client has to take the day off, I don't get paid for the missing hours. I live in a small town. Not much by way of employment opportunities. This is the only job I have had that has lasted more than 8 months! My boss and co-workers are very supportive of me and I am getting free counseling for myself. I am worried that I won't be able to take my pets with me.

I'll tell you about today. I took an instant message log that was on my husband's computer and put it on my pen drive so I could have a mexican lady at work translate what was said. I found out that this woman he knew 22 years ago in Chile found him on face book and began sending naughty pics of herself. He said he was "scared" but wanted an online sexual relationship. She wants it to be "real" and wants him to go to Chile. He says he dreams of going back and being with her... she wants the home phone# He says there is none. He suggests they do this at night so Gi Gi (my name) won't intrude. At the end of the log, he says he loves her. My friends said it sounds like he's gone off the deep end and is living in a fantasy world, I believe they are right. He wants a woman who will worship him. I have managed to avoid him altogether today. My son and I sat in the park until he left for work. He just called on my cell, but I didn't answer.

It may simply be mid-life crisis or 7 year itch - or something like that.

Men and women get tired of relationships after a while and it only takes one selfish individual to dangle a "carrot" in front of someone to pull them out of a weakening relationship.

Sometimes such things can be mended - often they cannot.
Sometimes it's possible to mend these relationships but isn't worth it because some of the feelings have been lost and some things (trust/respect) have been spoilt.

You're a clever and attractive woman and I'm sure that whatever you decide, it will work out for the best.

Get some counselling. You need to be able to let your feelings out. Talk to your son too and try to work out if he needs help too. After all, he's probably feeling "rejected" now too.

Thank you gbollard. My son and I are very close and I know he has felt rejected since a very young age by his father. He wants to change his last name to my maiden name. I do have to fight myself because I am afraid that I will be manipulated into feeling sorry for my husband. I am really seeing that he has a very dark core and he does play mind games with me and my son just to see us get uncomfortable. Then he obnoxiously says "ASPERGERS!" I am very quiet by nature and I don't fight with him. I keep everything inside, so does my son. That's mainly what I want the counseling for. And for moral support as well.

Ok, he just called again and I answered my phone. He's acting as if nothing out of the ordinary is going on, calling me "hon" and "babe", asking where I took Corey this afternoon and what time we got home. I can't believe I am still awake since I didn't go to sleep at all lastnight. My boss let me have half the day off. I think I will enjoy not having to always worry about pleasing him, I never know for sure as he is very hard for me to read. I can't trust him, I've learned he has a questionable character.

Hi Alone-in-the-crowd, my mother and my brothers and I are in a similar situation with my father as you are with your husband. Though he is not attempting to engage in an extramarital sexual affair, my mother suspects him of having an emotional affair through various emails he has sent to a women who is half his age! I hope she is just overreacting, but he has emailed this woman through his hotmail account that only he has access to. He also has a facebook account that he originally denied to my mother that he had. For me, if my parents divorce I don't know what I am going to do. I can;t live with my mom because she has said she'll only get a one bedroom apartment, and I refuse to stay with dad if her accusations are true. I have AS as well as my 5 year old brother. This will be an unbelievably difficult transition and I wish you luck.