is it so wrong ask questions?

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ok, i may be an Aspie and stupid.
especially when it comes to cooking, which i suck at (generally i suck at everything)!
when i'm at home, my mom has expectations of how things should be done and it gets me all stressed, irritable, and emotional.

my mom asked me to make a salad while she was sewing. all i did was wash the lettuce and carrots and made sure there was enough salad for 3 people. i asked my mom if could add some corn to the salad and she said sure. but the corn was kept in the freezer, and i asked myself whether i should warm it up on the microwave or in a small frying pan. the small frying pan was already in use and i mom's not used to using the microwave. so i innocently told my mom, "i want to defrost the corn on the small frying pan, but it's in use. there's a bigger frying pan but it's too big for such a little amount of corn to be defrosted". and she asked me in an irate tone, "and you think there's no solution that?!" so she storms out of her chair furiously and grabs out a small boiling pot and puts it right in front of me to defrost the corn. i really am not used to defrost anything into pots myself. so she puts up a big fight with me, criticizes me, and whatnot. and much to her satisfaction, i get emotionally hurt in the end.

these outbursts from her happen every time i try to do something for her. i have to ask such questions otherwise if i don't, things get screwed up badly.

so, is it wrong in my part to ask questions? am i really that useless?

It is a thing with moms and kitchens... first they criticize you for not helping out in the cooking. Then you start cooking and ask questions, but you are expected to know it for yourself. Next step is experimenting and getting criticized for not using the proper methods or materials. Then there are two available steps, observe the cooking methods of your mother really good and copy them (that is what she expects) or stay as far away as possible from the kitchen, and just offer to do something else.

You're not stupid, and you're not useless. Please don't say that.

If your mom speaks to you this way on a regular basis, it's emotional abuse, and it's her problem, not yours. Remember, her emotions are her responsibility, and it's not up to you to try and make her happy.

There's nothing wrong with asking questions. A good book to read: Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

I'm a mom (and of course, also a daughter), and "NT," and while I was reading the original post, I wasn't sure what the problem was! My kids ALWAYS ask those kinds of questions - use the microwave or the stove, use this pan or that pan, etc. My adult (NT) daughter has asked for instructions on boiling eggs a few times, and I won't be surprised if she asks again. On the other hand, my mother always expects everyone to do things in "her" kitchen EXACTLY the way she would do them, and to anticipate what she's thinking when it comes to food preparation. If your mother is like that, there's no hope. It doesn't mean you're hopeless, it means you'll have to learn away from her watchful eyes, which is what many of us have had to do, and it really has nothing to do with being on the spectrum or not. It has to do with parent-child relationships. Kitchens are rough places for adults to work together, especially parents and children.

I know how you feel. Last night, my mom told me she was going to make dinner in half an hour, but I forgot to ask what she was serving, so I found her talking with my sister and asked it, but then she went "I DON'T KNOW!! ALL YOU EVER CARE ABOUT IS EATING GOD D***! !!". I ran away and hid in her room and cried for a short while. I always feel like any question I ask, no matter how innocent, makes people explode in anger at me, even when I don't mean to. Sometimes I wish I could stop talking and be silent for the rest of my life. She says all I ever care about is eating, but that's not true!