I DESPISE being around children

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It's not that I have a dislike for them. In fact, I quite like interacting with them by my nature. However, the problem is that I feel like I'm looked at as some sort of weird, creepy, sick pervert for even looking in a child's direction. It isn't just individuals that do this. It's this entire society. I'm unfortunate enough to a) be born male b) be tall, big, fat, and ugly and c) have Asperger's (ie social "creepiness").

Therefore, I'm worse than nothing to this society. I'm wretched, disgusting, sub-human filth that needs to be exterminated. It's kind of a self-fulfilling cycle. The more people look at me as if I'm some sort of sick beast, the sicker in the head I indeed get. I learned the the way things are probably around 13 or 14. Ever since then, I've avoided children when at all possible. When for whatever reason I'm forced to be in the same room as one, I get really anxious and uncomfortable (which I'm sure makes things a thousand times worse).

Now that I think about it, I'll extend this to females in general as well. For example, I remember the last time I was out in a large social space. It was in the summer of 2002 at Cornerstone, a hippie Christian music festival in Illinois I was forced to go to. I didn't know what the hell to do there all day and night so I just randomly lurked around the whole time. On two separate occasions one night, when I was just standing alone by the side of the road minding my own goddamn business, two different teenage girls (about the same age as me at the time) looked at me with a mixture of utter disdain, fear, and hatred. FOR NO REASON. I will never forget those looks as long as I live. There could never be an expression of greater disdain.

To summarize this rant: Society says if you're male, not particularly attractive, and socially incompetent, you are without doubt an evil, disgusting creep and deserve to die!

I really need a blog...

No kids, please topic

Kids are not to everyone's liking or needing. I am not sure where where you are going with this rant (I am aspie, too, and have a hard time unless someone is very specific) but it sounds like talking to someone who understands AS is in order. In person, one-on-one.

Good luck, and welcome to WP.

You can't do anything about tall or big.

You might be able to do something about fat, but only a few are willing to do a lot of exercise, change their diet, address whatever health problems might contribute to fatness, etc. However even just some exercise (30 mins a day) can do a lot to change a person from "fat and sloppy" to "on the bigger side but it looks like he takes care of himself"

Ugly? That has A LOT to do with your clothing and personal grooming. If you wear beat-up, faded, casual, outdated clothes; if you wear ratty old shoes, a cracked belt, a plastic digital watch; if you carry a big floppy bag or backpack; if your glasses are big and square; if your hair is too long and has no product in it; if you have beard stubble; if you have bad breath and earwax, etc, THAT will look ugly.

It's a pretty simple matter to get some new clothes and accessories, fashionable glasses, a new haircut, and a clean shave. I don't have any idea whether you already do this or not, but if not, I bet it'd help.

Also, obviously some therapy or assertiveness training might help you to brush off mean looks and comments, and to feel better about yourself.

I happen to work in an elementary school filled with about 300 children. My job there involves working on some level with every one of those kids every day. I won't go into exact detail on what I do, but it mostly entails dealing with complaints large and small. Some kids just aren't very polite, as in they don't know how to keep bad commentary to themselves. I get it all from name calling, bad jokes, snickering when I supposedly look at a kid funny, and questions on "why do you act/talk/move funny?" One girl wouldn't stop with the joke where you repeat everything someone says in a bad imitation of the victims voice. My doctor told me not to worry about it because a kid doesn't know better, but I think some do. Some of their behaviors only get worse as they get older.

With bad, there is also some good. The kids that treat me as their friend are that way because I found a common ground with them. I could have gave them a hint to a video game, read the latest comic book, or seen the last episode of their action filled cartoon. All of which makes talking to them easier. You can even give them gifts like card game cards, but I wouldn't give gifts to a kid you don't know on the street, that just makes you a creep to them

its like that australian airport rule, that men, in general, are forbidden to sit next to children travelling allone

"sorry sir, cant take any chances!"

take what chances... exactly?

"well, that your gonna totally turn all monstrous on us, in front of everyone, and ... " yeah, we get the idea.

goes away

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot.
Because of my history, I would probably look at you suspiciously if I thought you were looking too closely at my kids. And I was probably over paranoid about ever having them alone with a male, and I'm sure I hurt some people. I'm sorry, but again, I can't help my version of PTSD. However, all my kids save one grew up unmolested. One didn't, because she went searching for it. I still think there was some history before I adopted her because I never saw a little person so obsessed with sex.
I'm sorry you have to be an innocent victim of this hard world.

It sucks that you are thought to be a pedo when u are minding your own business.

I know how you feel. I'm not exactly fond of younger children myself. Not that I hate them, I often fear that my very presence causes a child or baby to start screaming and crying even when I don't do anything (even though it hasn't really happened).

elderwanda: You got it spot-on.

It seems to me that all males are regarded as likely pedos -- that it doesn't have too much to do with how you look or behave. I think even Mr. Perfectly Normal Guy is going to get treated that way.

I think the only "out" is if you have your own kids and they're with you (but that's probably iffy).

And people don't think beyond their immediate concerns. Fortunately it's not (yet) legal for parents to have single people jailed for acknowledging their kid, because the kid glommed onto to them at the grocery store or something and won't leave them alone.