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I am so upset I wish sombody would listen to me
My parents are not understanding me and just say
"Marlys your being pycotic go to your room"
I wish I could socialy tell them why i'm upset
i'm upset and I don't know why and when i try to
explain to my parents I get rude and demanding
and I don't even realize it. and than they yell at me
threatning to put me in pyce ward where I have been emotinaly
scarred and verbaly abused even from the nurses on the ward
I was 13 i'm 17 now. i'm going crazy. My mom came in my room right
now naging and naging and telling me to be quite and going on
and on while my head was down and my hands over my ears screaming
"leave me alone"
they threaten me by taking my computer away whch is the only way for
me to socialize with out having 1000 pounds on my shoulers
i'm being punished for things I can't help.
my parents say "stop putting a card out and
using Aspergers as an exuse for bad behaviour"
i'm not trying to be bad I'm trying to express myself like
a normal person and it's hard. I yell at my parents
somtimes i have even sworn at them
I don't mean too. i don't want to upset anybody
I wish i could tell them how i'm feeling without acting
like a crazy person. from my mom it's NAG AFTER NAG AFTER NAG
"Marlys drink your milk at the table" "Marlys wash the tomatoes before you
eat them" "Marlys it's not all about you" "Marlys close your window your too loud"
"Marlys stop talking" My mom will not relax or sleep
because she worrys about me too much she's suposed to shes a mother but it's an obession. i'm 17 and she checks on me at night. like some teenagers do is that they sneek out just to sit outside for fresh air and i can't do that. she's like "go to sleep Marlys" and she gets angry at me if i dident sleep at all that night (which contantly happens" I have sleep disorder and i get punished for that too. she dose the same thing with our dog. every five minutes "WHERES HOLLY WHERES HOLLY! OH MY GOD! HOLLY'S GONE!" my dog think's my mom is crazy so holly will just lie there under the kichen table and ignor her. my mom yells "HELP ME FIND THE DOG MARLYS!" I ignor my mom
she's cryed wolf too many times. I can't stand my mom
she made a new rule she will disconect my internet at 9:30 every school night from now on
all night trying to get to sleep no internet. The internet makes me sleepy in 10, 15 ,20 minutes
tonight i'm stuck watching Three Stooges video's and it's just the three stooges kid cartoons not even the real thing! and lying in my bed with my mind over stimulating.
i can't stand my mom i tell her i don't want to live with her and we may apreciate each other if we wernt in the same house. So I ask my mom "where can I stay"
she says "I don't know Marlys!" i ask her like 5 times and she finaly says "A foster home"
one day I was flicking a lighter in my room taking a break from doing art. big mistake
i had paper all over my bed and my mom said "Marlys! your starting a fire! i'm calling
your pyciatristb right now" my mom over exagerated and said I was burning the house down. the pyciatrist told my mom to take me to pyce ward emergency they took my pokemon cards away from me and put me in a room with a camera. the pycatrist was a child pycatrist i'm going to say his name OUT TOTALY LOUD He was acused for child abuse and molseting and he lost his job. he thought he was smart because he was an NT he thought he knew every nook and cranny about Aspergers
and he would say weired things to my mom and called her beutifull and all this crap
and said she look like that Venus thing standing on a seashell (you know that famous painting) I'm giving out his name so he will be ashamed: Dr. Richard Golden.

I sound minipulative but if nobody replys to this and just reads this
for pure enterainment and think " she's a freak"
I will cut myself and rupture my own apendix by smashing my hip bone
into the sink and let my hipbone shatter and lose a leg and
be a lunatic for ever. i hate my life

I'm going to be blunt here. I do not intend to be rude, and if I come off as such I apologize.
Step 1. Get out of that house. Or get her out of that house. You and your mother need to be away from each other
Step 2. Assert yourself. Feelings don't matter if the pressure of her constant nagging is crushing you. Find some way to make her know that you're not screwing around here.
Step 3. Relax. Try to vacation, lock yourself in the room for a few days and turn music up, just do something to isolate yourself from everything irritating you.
Step 4. Find Ways to Calm Down. You seem like you have trouble getting rid of stress. Little things work a lot of the time. I for one will chew on things when nervous. Some people squeeze those little rubber balls. Some shout "Serenity Now!"(was that out of place?). Find your outlet.

I 100% agree with Subadai. I would also like to add that I was in a psychatric hospital for about three months. I really really liked it there, and it was hard to leave. I learnt a lot about myself and how to cope with my problems.

You say you can't socially tell them why you're upset, well, why don't you write a letter, or an e-mail?

A lot of t he issues seem to be with your mother, not you. So when your mom is doing something that bothers you, just, go along with it, just to placate her, just like you would play a game with a little child. This technique has worked for me.

BTW Did you get another psychiatrist?

My mum was the opposite.

If I nicked off for the afternoon or didn't come home at night, she didn't notice.

Several times when I was quite young around 11 or so, mum forgot to pick me up from after school sport. I was left alone at the sports ground in the dark.

All I can say is beatles_girl's mum sounds nuts. And with nutty people it is best to agree with everything they say, and occasionally ask if the what ever it is - is all that important - really a matter of life or death? If she says to drink milk at the table, say yes. You don't necessarily have to do what she says. Just agree. Or you could ask "why is it so important to you?".

I had a few problems because every now and again someone would insist I eat something when I wasn't hungry or the whatever it was didn't seem like food. The usual punishment for not eating it was being sent to my room which was fine by me.

I didn't have internet when I was young. I didn't have a telly in my room either. I did have a radio. And I did have books. Sometimes I'd write down all the things that were bugging me. Sometimes I'd read a book to escape. You don't actually need to write down your problems directly into the internet to feel better, though it is nice to get a response.

My parents used to cut the plug off the TV when they were going out, and I used to wire it back on. Eventually they gave up. Maybe you could do something like this for the internet. Bypass the way she turns it off or get yourself a separate connection. If you don't complain at all maybe she will forget to turn it off. It won't work as a lever.

Your threats of self harm are pretty scary, and if you keep making them you probably will end up in a psych ward. Can you think of some other way to express your frustration. Sometimes I told my mum "I never asked to be born" (which might not be true - who knows), a pretty cruel thing to say to a parent. Maybe you could be more specific - "all your nagging is like torture", "you can't fix me by yelling, you need to listen, accept and understand". When they understand, their advice might actually be helpful. Tell them what you *do* want them to do. You need to do this before you feel the need to yell. If you feel the yelling stage coming on, you need to isolate yourself and calm down. It is probably a good idea to do this when your parents start yelling. It's no way to communicate. Just say "yelling doesn't help, I'm leaving until I (or you) calm down and can talk without yelling.

Do you have any cousins or friends or grandparents that you could stay with instead for a while?

You and your mother need help from a professional and I definitely think a womanising, child molesting psych isn't the right doctor. Find a new one. And maybe see if you can get your dad to take you.

J.E.F.

You are the first person I've read that actually liked the psych hospital.

I think if I ever had to go to one of those, I'd want yours.

You don't sound manipulative. Many of face problems dealing with the crap that the real world throws at us.

I don't know how old you are, but I imagine that you're in your teenage years from the way your post sounded, but if you're old enough, like over 18 or something, then maybe you should think about getting out of that house. I would look into SSI, or some sort of disability insurance, or some sort of supported housing program, or something along those lines.

You say your mom disconnects the Internet? Do you have dial-up, DSL or a cable modem? I'm not sure how DSL or cable are hooked up, since I don't have those ... I have dial-up, and the only way to disconnect it is to remove the phone line. If you put the phone line back in, then you're connected. I imagine that for cable modems or DSL, there is something behind the computer that has to be disconnected. Just place the connection back, and you're again connected.

- Ray M -

Yeah at first I feel awful for being there (because I was angry for myself for needing the help) but at the end I grew to learn and love where I was. It was helpful, nourishing and I felt a bond with the other patients and staff.

I when to Menninger in Houston, Texas. I grew so much as a person there.

I think this is a fairly common situation for aspie girls to get sucked into. I've seen it to various degrees with three different people that's I've known pretty well. I feel horribly every time. Overbearing and patronizing mothers really scare me because one of the things I've always hated most is being treated like a "kid" (patronized).

The first thing I can tell you is that you should apply to college. The chance to get away and be on your own terms really helps you to find yourself. Heh, you can apply behind her back and by the time you are 18 nobody will be able to stop you. Also... finding a way to get a job or drive helps a little bit (if the job requires little enough attention and is within reach).

The best advice I can give you, though, is to temporarily stop letting it get to you. It seems that you and your mother are at eachother's throats... seeing who can piss the other one off the most. That's why you need to "suddenly" become the rational one. Don't respond to her emotionally, don't bother with barbing your replies. Call things as you see them, but don't let them get under your skin. After awhile, it will disarm her... and she will most likely ease up a bit. Go with the flow while she is around you... keep being yourself when she's not. This is a tough spot, but you'll make it through.

Oh, and don't bother listening to shrinks; we might as well be speaking two different languages. Give them what they want to hear. It's their job to over-react to everything, so be careful about that.

I disagree about the psychologist point. Of course, there are some who are better than others, but I firmly believe that psychologists help distressed people greatly.

Yes, when you talk about issues with them it may hurt, you may feel guilty or ashamed, but that is ALL the more reason TO be talking about them!! !

Because there are issues that make you feel uncomfortable, it is important to get there issues into the open so they don't cause any damage bottled up inside yourself.

Marlys:

My son, Michael, would probably read what you wrote, and tell you that you were describing me.

I'm not going to give you advice like "get out of the house," unless you think you can make a living doing something that won't drive you stark raving nuts. Youll have to face getting out of the house next year anyway (if the age of majority is 18 in Canada), but don't just walk out cold, 'cause that's where you'll put yourself. Out in the cold. Make plans, find a job, find an apartment, and then just go quietly......it can be done.

So, let me tell you what I tell my kid.
"Michael, you're being too loud."
"Michael, it's 12:30 and I have to get up in the morning." TURN OFF THE MUSIC
"Michael, stop yelling at the top of your lungs!"
"Michael, you're gonna burn the house down if you light candles in your room (filled with paper).

Sound familiar?
Oh, and "Where in the hell is the cat?" The dog disregards me anyway.
or Michael, why can't you practice the piano at 11 in the morning instead of 11 at night?
or Michael, why the hell don't you go out and find some friends.......

I'm not a bad parent, just an anxious one. I have a very talented kid, a kid who is a lot smarter than I am, and a kid who, like me, has AS. As I was constantly in trouble, so, he is constantly in trouble....and mostly because he badmouths people, and does it really well (I don't exactly approve, but he has a way of delivering an insult without using four letter words so the person being insulted knows they've been flattened), and he doesn't spare me or his mother from insults. So What do you do about it.
Do your parents know what AS is, I mean, really know. Do they know that often, people with AS look like misbehaving normal people?
Do they understand that you're not "playing a card?"
Probably not.
What are your coping strategies?
A psychiatrist once told me "The most powerful person in any room is the one who is quiet."
That doesn't work for Michael. It does work for me.
I admit, you have a lot to cope with. We would never dream of walking past Michael's closed door, but then we don't worry about a lot of things with him that one worries about with some kids. He doesn't smoke dope, cut on himself, or try to kill himself. He just wants to play his music and do his thing (which right now, includes not going to school).
Right now, he's in the next room, banging and singing at the top of his lungs, and I'm going to have to ask him to stop in a few minutes, because I have to get up early.
But YOU have to develop some coping strategies with your parents. Ever try just being quiet when you're being yelled at? Takes the wind right out of people's sails.
If someone says "That's not funny!" ever try calmly asking "why not?" then, if you get a reasonable answer, you say "I'll try to keep that in mind next time, but remember, I said try!"
Good luck, and I hope you don't mind some advice from a parent.
Beentheredonethat. (Rafe)