i dont wana do this anymore

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hj
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22 Sep 2009, 1:36 pm

i no it stupid and it wrong but i want die i want to hang myself i want to be gone and never talk or be misundersttood again i cant put it into words but i just cant do this anymore it too hard i no im not the only one struggling im sorry for being the weak one but i really hav had enough this time i felt like this before last time overdoesed butthis is so much worse i can feel sad in my tummy i think it the only way to stop feeling like this is to stop my heart beating i hate being so different so weird so unwanted im sorry i really am



Aimless
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22 Sep 2009, 1:42 pm

I know what that feels like but only once was I really close. Because like you, I was just so tired of trying. I am here now though and happy. I hope you go and see a doctor as soon as you can. It's not your fault. You have an illness that can be treated.



Zsazsa
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22 Sep 2009, 3:18 pm

Why are you putting yourself down? I am sure there are many "good" things about you...

Weird, misunderstood...? That's just society making judgements about us. Why believe things that are not true?

What you do need to believe is that life IS hard. After all, nobody gets out of life alive. We all die...eventually. However, your job
is to find something meaningful to your life. Develop hobbies. Learn a new skill everyday. Find something to do each day that you thought you could never learn. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Practice makes perfect! Visit an an animal shelter
and take the dogs for a walk...do something that helps others and makes you feel "good" about yourself.

When you feel "down," take a walk and enjoy the beautiful things in nature surrounding you. Go to the library and discover new
places and new things. Define who you really are. It doesn't take other people to define who you are. Learn to love yourself for
the beautiful person you are and I don't mean that in an ego-centric sense, by any means.

You were put on this Earth for a reason and have a contribution to make. At age 18, you have hardly "lived"...

Have you fought in any major wars...WW II, Viet Nam, Iraq, Afgahanistan? Did you have to endure the Holocaust under Hitler during WW II? Have you survived any earthquakes or major events like Hurricane Katrina or September 11?

I am sure you have alot to contribute in your little corner of the world...just do your best and keep on trying. Nothing worthwhile
is ever easy.

Best of luck to you!



sufi
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22 Sep 2009, 3:49 pm

Zsazsa and Aimless have given you good advice.

You also only just joined the group - give us a chance, we understand and have gotten through all the crap you feel. You just need coping skills, the support of this group helps and if you have not talked to a doctor then do so right away.

I could tell by your typing that you were crying (at least that is how I type when I cry). Something had to have happened that made you feel this way. You can tell us what it is, we have heard it all, and we can help feel for you, and give you options you may not have seen yet.

Your only 18, I am 61, been through it and am comfortable 95% of the time with where I am. I learned to cope on my own (ok a little help from anti-depressants) and get through the hard times.

You can do this.


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Aimless
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22 Sep 2009, 4:37 pm

Thanks for backing me up sufi- everything Zsazsa said is absolutely true but hj sounds clinically depressed and I think she needs to get to a certain point before she will be able to put that good advice into action. I know this from experience. It may have taken her all she had just to type that and post it. I got that impression. hj, I know sometimes even picking up the phone and making an appointment is more than you can handle. Ask someone for help. I wish I had done it a lot earlier.



shomnec
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22 Sep 2009, 4:40 pm

Hi friend,

Please do not try to kill yourself. My uncle killed himself last year - he didn't think he'd be hurting anyone, didn't think that he was close enough to anyone. He was wrong. My family is wounded by what he did. He was hurting, but instead of seeking help, he just turned around and hurt all of us.

Do whatever you have to do to make your life happy. Seek help. Find a new job. Search for friends. Stay on this site 24/7. Fight for your life. Fight for your happiness.

We are all experiencing the pain you describe so well. I'm sick of being a freak, too. I wish I could just live in my own house and never see anyone else again. But suicide is not the answer.

Dan



Bozewani
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22 Sep 2009, 7:01 pm

Please oh please do NOT kill yourself.

Think of what you have to offer to this world, your unique interests, your unique personality, your unique life experiences.

You are going through some turbulent weather, as we all do, but guess what? Eventually it will all be sunny again. Maybe it's a bad day at school/work, a nasty person, or a nasty assignment you have to do but trust me it is so not worth killing yourself over.



Asmodeus
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27 Oct 2009, 7:09 am

If you kill yourself you will feel as bad as you do now for eternity. Your only chance to feel better is to work out how to solve the problems you have.

Life gets better and worse in places, it doesn't stay bad forever.