Zsazsa and Aimless have given you good advice.
You also only just joined the group - give us a chance, we understand and have gotten through all the crap you feel. You just need coping skills, the support of this group helps and if you have not talked to a doctor then do so right away.
I could tell by your typing that you were crying (at least that is how I type when I cry). Something had to have happened that made you feel this way. You can tell us what it is, we have heard it all, and we can help feel for you, and give you options you may not have seen yet.
Your only 18, I am 61, been through it and am comfortable 95% of the time with where I am. I learned to cope on my own (ok a little help from anti-depressants) and get through the hard times.
You can do this.
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If you have one option you have an obsession.
If you have two options you have a delema.
If you have three options you have a choice.
Look for three or more options.
"I'm not too crazy about reality, but it's the only place to get a decent meal.