I Just want to be LEFT ALONE (How can I hide my feelings)

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Another rotten morning with my Step Mother asking about my behavior saying that I've been acting a little bit weird and asking about my medication. I've been dealing with cyberbullies for weeks so of course I've been stressed out but my parents don't understand that kind of stuff. I'm not very close to my parents, I'm in charge of my own emotions. I can't relate to them so, of course they stress me out. I was doing so well in hiding my frustrations that it back fired me being questioned which is nothing new that my parents do. I didn't yell, I didn't shout. I just rush when I'm eating diner when I'm usually forced to eat with them. I'm talking to them less and less because I need time to calm down from my anxiety when they are home. No, I can't talk to them about it because the point is to Not Have Problems around them otherwise they are going to say Negative things about me and support me less in terms of wanting to live on my own like I lost a privilege because of how I feel. My parents hate me for being emotionally unstable at times and THEY ARE NO HELP because they are insensitive and anti-emotionally nurturing. For example I can tell them that I'm afraid with dealing with angry people if I ever get a job. They respond "Oh well, that's life." They make better punching bags then parents LOL
I just told my Step Mother (the once who questions me all the time) that I'm okay. Hopefully she didn't talk to my father about this and are planning on starting a big conversation at the Dinner Table tonight. It's None of there business if I have stresses in my life, I don't see them as family, just landlords with serious attitudes. I'm no criminal, I know what's right from wrong. I'm 21 and I can run my own life!

Doesn't sound like it's much fun for them either. They're concerned about you, give them some recognition for that.

I'm just frustrated with my life because I have barely anyone that can relate to me personality wise and interest wise. If I'm ever in times of trouble, I have to solve it myself with no one to back me up. I'm a satirist and my parents are both frightened my the subject of satire and don't fully understand it's purpose. They don't have a sense of humor and irreverent humor is my life. They want to live a duel normal life and I want to date Manly Tomboys and make satirical films and get noticed and someday be at the top like Kentucky Fried Move, Spitting Image, South Park and Idiocracy. Each time my parents help me with my career, they just keep ruining it. "Since you are a puppeteer, why not to Kids shows and be an Entertainer". I tried that once and that was one of the worst experiences in my life! Maybe it's one of the reasons why my stuff is so irreverent and dark it's because I wanted to make a huge separation from what was kids stuff and what was for adults. I would LOVE to say that my parents are the Worst EVER but I can't because they are the best survival wise. They help me financial and help me learn Survival stills. THEY SUCK at Everything else and they don't realize. As for my Asperger's, they don't get it and when they tried to help me with my Aspie problems, they just became bitter so I have to deal with my emotions myself. What pisses me off is when they ask me about my behavior. They don't see that they are no help emotional / social wise / career wise. I HAVE TO HIDE EVERYTHING FROM THEM! Even my satirical comics otherwise they will find one on the floor, go to me and tell me that I need to see my therapist. Survival is what they are good at, Social.............forget it!

Be glad that your parents are as involved as they are and that they care enough to try and help. You say your parents are like landlords - my entire family are like strangers sharing a house that don't speak to each other except for the occasional superficially friendly greeting in the hallway. But watch out when the angry exes (my parents) meet in the hall, there's going to be lots of yelling and screaming.

Sorry if I come across as bitter, it's nothing to do with you personally, it's just that I would give anything to have parents who ask about my life and my biggest issue with them is they invade my space too much.

My parents don't understand Asperger's because they feel like they are stepping on eggshells so that's why I have to hide my emotions and opinions and even the stuff that I love (satire writing) away from them. I'm stepping on eggshells all the time but there nothing that anyone can do about it because I'm mentally disabled and they are not.

They want to treat me more like an adult and want me to face my own problems, FINE!
But then again they ask me if everything is alright. To me I just want to tell them "None of your business" and "You would not be help to me anyways".

They are always conserned about me.

One time I chatted with someone about my satire work and my father had the most worried frightened look on his face. He told me that he had heart burn but that might be just an excuse.

One time my Step mother found one of my satirical song scripts on how Angry I am that there are more Heteronormal couples than Gender Non-Conformists like me. The song was kind of Broadway like and it basicly was about "there's too many of them, wipe a view out" and I was going to have one of my puppets sing it. I rejected it because it was too dark but I forgot to throw it away because I'm a paper recycling freak. LOL My Step Mother told me that I could go to jail for this script if I ever posted it on the internet and that cops from my town spy on everyone on the internet all the time (which isn't true, she overreacts, one of the reasons I DON'T LIKE HER MUCH). "I don't want you to get arrested again, your not going to get yourself in any more trouble with the cops as long as you live in this house." (She was refuring to a cartoon that I put on public access TV about how sad it was having Asperger's Syndrome and how no one cares and someone called the police on me because they thought that I was suicidal which isn't true, it was just dark satirical humor shown at about midnight on public access TV). Then I got pissed and explained that it's pure fiction (this was back in May 2009 or so). Then they ask me if I just use my puppets for it and I say yes and then they were okay with it. But I went on my Step Mothers computer, went to Wikipedia and told her to read this article on Satire and one on Dark Humor. She understood more and even the part that Aspies have suicidal thoughts sometimes within their anxiety which she didn't realize.

I have to keep my hair short for job searching purposes and wear Masculine kind of clothing or Men's clothes even though I feel like I'm part Women too. (aka Non-Binary Gendered). I was so PISSED Off at them when they told me that I look like a MAN! A Handsome Young Man! I think I went into my room a few times and cried and swearing a little bit.


Plus my parents told me that I'll never be successful with my satirical / surreal comedy and art because no one would be interested in my stuff and I have a disability and it's unrealistic. Basically they tell me to NEVER follow my Dreams and Goals because it's unrealistic.

Their view of my future is to live in an apartment for the rest of my life single working part time in a crappy job in the crappy town of Norwich CT where it's full of Homeless, Elderly, Disabled and Mentally ill Psychos. And they want me to make friends with just randomly anybody. They don't know me or understand me and I don't understand them or care to.

I am ENFP and they are ISTJ!


It's not easy being me.

OK...

As a writer, I understand your creative drive.

It is so important for you to continue with your art.

Reading between the lines, it looks to me like your parents do actually care about you. In a kmisguided way, to be sure, but with genuine love.

So why don't you try talking CALMLY to your parents.

Tell them how therapeutic your writing is to you. How cathartic.

If you have to, print out the definition of "cathartic" from an online dictionary and give it to them.

Tell them how getting this stuff out into your art takes a lot of the pressure out of your mind and off of your chest. That your art is something that helps you deal with things.

On the gender clothing bit, I'm not sure what I can suggest, except that by opening up dialogue on the artistic stuff, you may open the door onto other areas of communication.

Accept that this will not be solved overnight. You will need to invest some time.

Take care.