Forced to celebrate Christmas induces suicidal depression

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For the first time in years I have to be with people for Christmas. I am 23 and am on bail for some legal issues so I cant just run away from Christmas, I have to spend it with my father, and his new wife and kid.

The last two Christmas holidays I have spent alone (I was living on my own) and was fine because I didn't have to do anything Christmasy I just sat around played games and watched movies.

I have told my dad that I don't like Christmas and don't want to participate. He says, "It's not just about you".
I don't know how to communicate that I do not want anything to do with this horrible holiday, without admitting that it is a really depressing time for me - as I want to avoid any BS therapy. I am content to lay in bed all day while everyone else enjoys their mind numbing consumerism BS, but I don't know how to convince them I need to be left alone.

I have repeatedly stated I want nothing for Christmas, but don't want to be a jerk and get presents and say "Take it back I dont want it" without opening it.

If I have to be involved in Christmas I feel like I will be unhappy and therefore unable to cope as I normally do, by appearing to be happy/content.

Does anyone else just want to be left alone for Christmas? How do you get your family to leave you alone?

I spend the entire Christmas season with a perpetual cringe. I hate being bombarded with commercials and false cheer. Excessive consumerism depresses me too. However, I am lucky that I like my family and like spending time with them. I just try to look at it as pretty lights and a good meal. As far as gifts go it's got to be easier just to say thank you-then give the gift to charity. Otherwise you're asking for a big discussion.

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I'm afraid I agree with your dad; it's not just about you.

If your dad is letting you stay with him whilst you are on bail, then the least you could do is be gracious and put on a brave face, especially if there is a kid present.

You have 364/5 other days in the year to be antisocial.

I detest Christmas with a passion. Some years ago it would mean blanket month of depression. I guess it just made the isolation much worse, both the tacky cheerfulness and the emphasising that I was alone and others were not. Since then I've either been able to spend it with someone or just switch off to it, avoiding town and tv usually does the trick. Avoiding it still causes depression, just not as crippling.

Christmas is a very depressing time for a lot of people. Feeling forced to exhibit cheer and jollity that you don't feel is very stressful, especially if you're not a convivial type.

Perhaps it would help if you look at it as a time that people try to make each other happy. It often does not succeed, but there is merit in trying. Unfortunately what makes the majority of people happy does not do so for you. To get past the mind-numbing consumerism BS, keep in mind that when people give you gifts they are attempting to make you happy, and thank them with the attempt in mind. (That's why I always thank annoying religious proselytizers for thinking of me, while relegating them and their beliefs to my mental kindergarten.) If you are obliged to give gifts as well, something edible and non-Christmas-themed like candy or cookies should satisfy them and get them off your back. Unfortunately, part of the Christmas experience for most people is the gathering of "near and dear" and I am afraid you are that to them.

I can tolerate a moderate amount of perkiness myself before I get overloaded and have to go sit quietly. You can sit through as much as you can, and then tell everyone you "don't feel very good", which would be nothing but the truth. Then retire to another room. Remind yourself that it will pass and things will return to what passes for normal soon enough.

I'm with you on this one..... Christmas sucks.

For me, the holidays are a lot of pressure. I WANT to have a nice Martha Stewarty Christmas and to do all that stuff but when the lights come out the weekend after Thanksgiving and it's time to decorate, I just don't wanna do it. I feel like I HAVE to do it, and because I want to make it nice for my family, there is a bunch of pressure that I feel to make it perfect.

A few years back, when I was on my antidepressants and felt really good, I managed to have the house beautifully decorated, the gifts wrapped nicely, the tree done very pretty, lots of baking, had bought a goose for dinner and had planned to cook a really kick a** meal, and I woke up sick as could be. Couldn't keep anything down, couldn't hardly stand up I was so weak. A 24 hour stomach bug had hit me overnight. I got up and watched the kids open the presents, stuck the goose in the oven then went back to bed and slept all day. I got SO FRUSTRATED because after all that work, I STILL managed to screw it up by being sick. I know it wasn't my fault and my husband picked up my slack, but the next day when I was feeling better and walked out of my room and saw the mess from the gifts, the dishes all over, all the laundry, etc, it threw me into a depression that lasted three months.

PaganMom

I do like the lights and some of the decorations all over town and in the house me and my brother managed to work out a deal with our mom. At the beginning of she just hands us both $250 to do with as we see fit and on Christmas day we don't even need to be downstairs with everyone else. We can go down and watch everyone else open their gifts and we do get gifts from others but usually they just get returned. I honestly have no use for a shirt I can't wear because the fabric irritates my skin or a football that will sit unopened for several years because I don't like being touched and I don't know many peoople.

I haven't been able to get around the "family time of the holidays is important" that my dad brings up.
No one here works (the kid goes to school) but its not like its a holiday or rarely do we get to spend time together.
And with that, they have lived here for years without me even knowing (they moved away from my dads old house and changed phone numbers without informing me), so if being together as a family is so important why did I never get a chrismas card or anything.

But all this I dont want to mention to avoid upsetting my situation here, because I have no other place to go - but jail.

Most oftentimes I hate Christmas because my Mom insists on having my brothers come over, along with all their annoying kids.

Usually nearly everybody drinks, there is loud laughing and music, and a big, big, mess afterwards. If I have a meltdown from all the overstimulation and irritation, it gets my mother upset, and I end up "ruining Christmas."

So I tend to beg my workplace for hours during the holidays, because it minimizes time having to be around that kind of aggrievation.

Getting my family to stop stalking me during the holidays is a neverending battle. And I do mean stalking -- they go a bit off the deep end. I generally try to participate from a distance, and not at all on the day in question.

If you're an independent adult, you have the right to say you simply won't participate in holiday festivities. It may be that some of your family members also have problems with the holidays and would like some emotional support from you, so it would be a nice thing to work out what you can offer in the way of support during a time of year that is hard on most people. State what you can offer, and then calmly repeat that anything beyond that is simply beyond your capabilities at this time.

However, you're a guest in someone's home this year, and that makes things different. You're going to need to put extra effort into figuring out what you can do to help with the atmosphere in the house at the time. That doesn't mean torture yourself, however.

If you start now, today, and spend 15 minute a day preparing things for your family for the holidays, you can do quite a lot between now and then. One day make a list of things to do, such as presents to make or buy. You mentioned there's going to be a kid in the house -- I don't know the age of the child, but one thing I've done for kids that's a big hit is a "12 days of Christmas" thing -- 12 small presents, like some stickers or a really good superball, each wrapped in a brown lunch bag and numbered. The first is for Christmas day, and then there's one for each day afterward until they run out. The kids love it to no end and feel like you really paid attention to them, and the parents love it because it helps give the kids a wind-down from the holiday build-up.

Even the seemingly goofiest things you can do in those 15 minutes a day, like making paper chains or other ornaments, will matter. If you start now and keep at it, come the day itself it will be obvious you tried and you care, even if you need to go hide in your room and only come out a little bit at a time.