Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear mainstream society. I'm still pitted against you. It's just that I've gone back to liking the 1960s and listening to The British Invasion artists, in particular The Kinks.

Dear Mum,

The reason that I didn't come to your house as often as I should have in the summer, is because I was a miserable, rebellious punk rocker. I really hated myself towards the end, because of my nasty, rebellious attitude. I had green stuff in my hair, half of the time, and I really wish that it never happened. If I could cut one time out of my life, it would be February 2007 to August 2009. Those were the days that I was a very angry person who was very hateful towards society and the world, just because an Internet pen pal dropped me as a friend, and he had the nerve to have cybersex with me, before he dropped me. No wonder you only took two pictures of me, durring those two and a half years.

Shelby AKA Mick Avory

Dear human race,
please stop coughing and sneezing in my vicinity, spreading your virulent germs and making me sick.
Grrr.

Dear math teacher

I hate you, constantly flunking my tests because i didn't use algebra but got the right damn answer...

Sincerely,
Tach

Dear Pattie, I wished my walking away would have never happened and now realise just how bad it feels when you turn your back on someone whom actually cared..Now, I can see where I had went wrong and hope wherever you are now your life is filled with contentment and happiness..

From ProfessorX

Dear Aimless, I hope I've not run you off nor made you feel like finding someone else to talk to on WP?

From ProfessorX

Dear Dossa, I'm glad that your not like some of the people I've known but, really a good human being..

From ProfessorX

Dear Pikachu

Just a quick note to say thank you for all that you've exposed. When I first began speaking to my ex, you launched on all barrels with accusations of her being a bad parent. I chose to make my own mind up, without your help. She was equally as venomous towards you. Again, I chose to make my own mind up.

Later, when there was drama on wrongplanet's chat channel, I stepped in to defend you from several of my own friends, because I could see they were ganging up on you. You continued to send me private messages and memos outlining several unfounded 'reasons' why I should leave my then girlfriend. Again, with my own experience already opposing your opinion and your experiences a year ago, I went with my own decisions.

Even later, on a different chat channel, I continued to attempt to ensure people wouldn't taunt and bully you, unprovoked. Eventually, you reacted and was ejected from several channels.

When things ended between my ex and myself, you sent me a pm saying 'I told you so'. What was it you 'told' me? You told me my ex was crazy and unfit to be a parent. You told me she would hurt me, and threaten to kill herself. You told me she would sleep around behind my back. You told me that she'd eventually stab me in the back and that it would be clear why you hate her so much.

Guess what. You told me nothing that I cannot verify as completely untrue. In fact, I told YOU so.

So why now do I respond angrily, being so peaceful as I usually am? It's because I hear all this venom and self-disgrace continues. I don't need to prove anything. I proved my place with all the times I defended you, and now, being able to internalise my own bitterness and befriend my own rival to obtain information I have.

Information that shows that you are still at it, sinking yet lower to call my ex a "skanky whore". I'll be so kind as to inform you that she is nothing of the sort. I advise you to leave her well alone. No backstabbing, no rumours, no material from you about her at all. I have advised her the same.

I shall be taking action if I hear of any more.

Disregards,

Lucky Bunny

Dear Tallyman, thanks for always making things interesting and never boring..

From Professor X..

dear tessa,

I liked you

You liked me

but when I told you i have aspie

I was history

...

ps: I do like girls, yes!
top tip: don't hit on 16 year olds..

A forever to be unsent letter to R.

There’s a lot that I should have said long ago that wasn’t. Shoulda Woulda Coulda. Constant theme with me.

So, the explanation you’ll never see is here. I didn’t actually understand something that happened, decided I must have been to blame or somehow invited what happened, and gave you that version, which is why we split up. Curse of total recall, I do remember I dumped you, and not particularly kindly, even after all this time I can’t believe you have forgiven me and of course I can’t ever ask.

It’s a precarious friendship we have now. Back then when you said you loved me, it was overwhelming and probably too early, particularly for someone like me who was set on autopilot to self destruct. I don’t know if, or more likely, how much I hurt you, whether you still hold a torch for me....nothing.

And I can’t risk the friendship we do have by telling you what happened then. It would achieve nothing more than a mess and confusion for you. I assume you are happy now hopefully happy enough that it would just cause a head shake and rueful smile at what might have been, maybe some regret that I felt I was to blame for what happened. I know you’d comprehend how I could not *know* it wasn’t my fault, you’ve enough experience teaching kids with AS and understand more about it than most people I know.

Even if I hadn’t ended it than, it would probably have ended, I don’t know how any relationship survives that. You knew I was already “troubled” , it got much much worse, believe me. I can’t believe I’m alive, let alone have been clean for so many years. Even before it all got really bad, I was a waking nightmare to be around, so I’m not sure what you ever saw in me...

Sometimes it feels like you are trying to tell me something in hints, sometimes weeks go by and we don’t have any communication at all. Ebb and flow, normal for friendships...or do you hold back in case I think you are over familiar? Or maybe you genuinely think little of me at all. I think perhaps when you first got back in contact with me I was a bit assertive about brushing the past under the carpet, which set boundaries in place- but honestly I thought it was the best course of action.

Those emails you sent when you were drunk, I think you regret your candour...I assume you were saying those things because you were drunk, nothing more, don’t worry that I read more into it than that. A secret though, I genuinely do often feel that dark and desolate.

What you’ll never know is how I did and still do feel, the word I can’t say.... as I don’t think knowing would benefit you, proof that even if I can’t say it, I feel it enough to not burden you with that.

PS, damn, why have you aged so well? !

Dear stupid women living above me,

You might never know just how much I despise you and the deeply violent thoughts I have regarding what I would love to do to you or see happen to you as I suffer evening after night of banging, laughing, talking, singing and whatever other noise you so selfishly make. I keep saying, I will find a way to make your life as hellish as you have made mine and wishing I had it in me to kick your heads in or do something worse. I don't care if that makes me evil, to me it is evil to make so much noise knowing it causes someone distress and disrupts their life. Sometimes I even contemplate hanging myself so you might have to live with that for the rest of your stinking lives, but I can tell the likes of you wouldn't give a damn anyway.

I swear if I end up having to leave because of you, I will leave a nice goodbye present for you both, that will take some cleaning up and stink your hallway up for days to come.

Dear Creator of Me,

Thanks for making me smart, bright, very fast thinking and a great cook.
Thanks for the good looking body and the physical fitness to go with it.
Thanks for giving me an upper middle class life of comfort.

But why did you have to make me lack simple social skills like small talk ?
Why did you have to give me bad eye language, so much so I give the other gender the creeps when that is the furthest thing that I am ?
Why make me handicapped and have to suffer like an outcast, in fact I really am an outcast.

Why ?

Dear Kosh,

Why Mick Avory?

Because that's the way that God wants me to be.

Shelby

Dear Kosh,

Why Mick Avory?

Because that's the way that God wants me to be.

Shelby

Dear Armadillo,
Why wont you get out of my head? I miss you so much. I try not to think of you very often. It's painful to remember your smile. I still remember 'beso'.
I'm sorry about Hawk. He was there for me when you said you didn't want me. I'm sorry I couldn't read between the lines.
For so long, I insisted that you loved me. You had to have loved me, after everything you had done for me, and everything we had been through together in that year. I never really gave up on you.
Sometimes, when I am sleeping, I can hear those magical words you said to me only once. I wake up, and grieve.
I hope you gave up that habit of drinking and driving. I hope you found a girl your mother could accept. I hope you found love. I hope you're still alive.
I went back to see you once. I couldn't find you. And my heart broke all over again.
When will I stop hurting over you? When will my subconscious stop bringing you to me? Please get out of my head. I want to be happy with what I have. I love you, I miss you.
Bunny

Dear Giant Catfish;
Thank you for calling me names and telling me that I will not be able to do what I want to do, being the person I am now. Thank you for telling me that I am confrontational, abrupt, rude and impulsive. Thank you for not acknowledging or accepting my apologies to you. Thank you for trying to get me to deny what I believe to be true. Thank you for simply picking on me because you can. You are the head of the freaking Communication Disorders department at the Harvard of the Midwest, for goodness sake. Yet you did not believe me when I told you that sometimes my words come out all wrong or not at all. You did not believe me that it has taken 26 years to become the broken person who sat before you yesterday and listened to you tear me apart. That it has taken 26 years to reach the point that I am "confrontational, abrupt, rude and impulsive"-- can you imagine what I was like 5 years ago? Ten? With one arm wrapped around someone's neck and the other hand hitting them wherever I could reach? You have not seen the holes I have put in things and the marks I have put on others. You do not know how hard it was to not start throwing books and chairs and desks and you. You do not know the effort it took to look at you while tears poured down my face. You do not know that you are the only person who has made me sob out of actual sadness, and not just anger, since I was a child.

The worst part was when you were "pretending" to listen to what I had to say, but kept asking me questions, trying to get me to hang the other person I went in defending besides. If I could tell what you were doing, you must really suck at being sneaky. It took me 18 months to find out that 25 of 42 classmates can't even stand the sight of me, but I figured you out in less than a minute. After you debased me.

You are a pathetic excuse for a human being and I have begun all that I can think to do to discredit you. You do not know that I read the entire ASHA code of ethics and am writing a letter to the Ethics Review Board about you. Also to your boss. And your bosses' boss after that, if I have to. You thought that you broke down someone who was weak. I was inarticulate and I cried, but I am not weak. You chose the wrong person to mess with and I will spend every day that I am acheiving amazing things and positively changing lives proving to you-- and all the people before you who have discounted me-- that you are wrong. Because I win.

But don't get me wrong. I am still not above taking a cheap shot if I can. If I catch you in a situation where I can make it look like an accident (and I studied that in college, too)-- I will knock out a few teeth. I don't want to admit it, because I'm trying to be the better person in this situation, so I'll give you warning right now. Duck. Or prepare to buy dentures.

Laney

What's the Harvard of the Midwest?